Books
Life with a gay dad
Coming-of-age tale features bite, wit and anger


(Image courtesy Farrar, Straus & Giroux)
āA List of Things That Didnāt Kill Meā
By Jason Schmidt
Farrar, Straus & Giroux
$18.99
432 pages
Your people understand you.
Thatās because you speak the same language, dance to the same music and wear the same uniform. You might not be related by blood or ceremony, but you belong to them and they to you. Youāre family but, as youāll see in the new book āA List of Things That Didnāt Kill Meā by Jason Schmidt, they wonāt always catch you when you fall.
Killing his father would have been simple.
Jason Schmidt knew he could smother his dad or overdose him and nobody would ever suspect. His father had been sick awhile anyhow and if he died, nobody would look twice, although Schmidt sensed heād regret it.
He didnāt need any more regrets in his life.
Born in the early ā70s, Schmidt remembers being a self-sufficient child: his earliest memory was leaving his motherās house (at age 3) to ride a mile on his tricycle to his fatherās place.
That was just before his parents battled, his mother left for good, his father āgot busted,ā and Schmidt was sent to Southern California to temporarily live with his grandparents, who shipped him to Oregon when his father got out of jail. There, Schmidt and his dad lived in a series of āleftoverā houses with a variety of āflower children, baby boomersā and hippies who taught Schmidt about sex, drugs and avoiding outsiders.
When he was 7, he and his father relocated to Seattle, where they moved in with his dadās boyfriend; thus, Schmidt learned his father was gay. Three years later, another boyfriend got sick with a āweird feverā and then Schmidtās father ācame down with the same bug.ā Schmidt pretended to cry when the diagnosis of AIDS was confirmed.
By the beginning of his senior year, Schmidt ā whose school attendance was spotty at best ā had nonetheless caught up with his peers. He had a girlfriend, an understanding of welfare fraud, a high IQ, anger issues and a dying father but no stability, money or plan for the future. He was 16, just barely holding things together, and he couldnāt even think of what would happen when he graduated.
And then a ānice old man,ā an angel with cleaning supplies, stepped into his life.
āA List of Things That Didnāt Kill Meā is a large book, and Iām not just talking page count. Beginning with his earliest memory and moving forward to young adulthood, author Jason Schmidt shares a powerful, emotional coming-of-age tale of an unstable childhood, of the beginning of AIDS and of people purposely living on the edge of society with little-to-nothing, all told in a voice dripping with sarcasm, irony and anger.
That voice hooked me ā I laughed. I got teary. I loved it.
Though this book is meant for teens, I think itās better suited for readers ages 16 and up, due to adult language and themes. If you can handle that, then āA List of Things that Didnāt Kill Meā is one youāll be glad you didnāt miss.
Books
How one gay Catholic helped change the world
āA Prince of a Boy,ā falls short of authorās previous work

Brian McNaught, the pioneering gay activist and author of 1986ās āOn Being Gayā and 1993ās āGay Issues in the Workplace,ā has written a personal account about his Catholic faith and homosexuality. It is a memoir without much substance.
āA Prince of a Boy: How One Gay Catholic Helped Change the Worldā (Cascade Books) is a strong personal statement by McNaught. He helped change family relationships. He helped change attitudes about homosexuality. He helped change workplaces, but the world?

In January 2023, the Catholic News Service reported that Pope Francis announced that, ābeing homosexual is not a crime.ā In December 2023, NPR reported that Pope Francis approved āCatholic blessings for same-sex couples, but not for marriage.ā Francis died Monday at age 88. Although Catholics may not see homosexuality as a crime, they see sex outside of marriage as a sin. They see same-sex marriage as a sin.
In 2021, Gallup reported that membership in the Catholic Church had declined 20 percent since 2000. In 2025, the Pew Research Centerās Religious Landscape Study found that nearly 40 percent of Americans identified as Protestant, while the same study found that only 19 percent identified as Catholic.
McNaught devotes much of his book to his life as a gay Catholic. It is challenging to read about his personal struggle. Some readers may find it interesting. Others might find it boring. Catholic readers may find it more compelling than Protestant readers.
As the above statistics prove, McNaught has much more work to do to change the Catholic Churchās views about homosexuality. We should be glad for his contribution to the debate within the Catholic Church. We should pray for full acceptance of gays in the Catholic Church.
āA Prince of a Boyā becomes more interesting when McNaught describes his work as an educator on LGBTQ issues. He has had an impact on workplace policies, academic programs, and public education, and his lectures, books, and other materials are widely used.
Based on my experience in the federal government and volunteering with LGBTQ organizations from the Bay Area to Washington, D.C., I believe McNaughtās work as an educator has improved LGBTQ lives, careers, and families. During the Clinton administration, I gave many copies of āGay Issues in the Workplaceā to personnel directors. I felt their staff could benefit from reading it. I thought it would help the lives and careers of my federal LGBTQ colleagues.
McNaughtās āA Prince of a Boyā was released in December 2024. Anti-gay crusader Anita Bryant died the same month. Bryant campaigned against a gay rights law in Florida. She began a national campaign against gays.
When Bryant successfully reversed a gay rights ordinance in Dade County, Florida, McNaught wrote the important essay āDear Anita, Late Night Thoughts of an Irish Catholic Homosexual.ā The essay is not in āA Prince of a Boyā; however, McNaught mentions Bryant.
In his training programs, McNaught describes homosexuals as journeying from confusion to denial to acceptance to pride. āAnita Bryant and AIDS brought Gay people to identity pride very quickly,ā McNaught writes. San Francisco Supervisor Harvey Milk (1930-1978) and other activists reached similar conclusions about Bryantās vicious anti-gay campaign.
McNaught helped change the LGBTQ world and brought pride to many people’s lives. McNaught walks in pride, works in pride, and educates others in pride.
āA Prince of a Boyā is a disappointing book. It provides small details about Brian McNaught’s large, proud life. A meaningful biography about this great gay leader is long overdue.
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Books
āPronoun Troubleā reminds us that punctuation matters
āTheyāĀ has been a shape-shifter for more than 700 years

āPronoun Troubleā
By John McWhorter
c.2025, Avery
$28/240 pages
Punctuation matters.
Itās tempting to skip a period at the end of a sentence Tempting to overuse exclamation points!!! very tempting to MeSs with capital letters. Dont use apostrophes. Ask a question and ignore the proper punctuation commas or question marks because seriously who cares.Ā So guess what? Someone does,Ā punctuation really matters,Ā andĀ as youāll see inĀ āPronoun Troubleā by John McWhorter,Ā so do other parts of our language.

Conversation is an odd thing. Itās spontaneous, it ebbs and flows, and itās often inferred. Take, for instance, if you talk about him. Chances are, everyone in the conversation knows who him is. Or he. That guy there.
Thatās the handy part about pronouns. Says McWhorter, pronouns āfunction as shorthandā for whomever weāre discussing or referring to. Theyāre āpart of our hardwiring,ā theyāre found in all languages, and theyāve been around for centuries.
And, yes, pronouns are fluid.
For example, thereās the first-person pronoun, I as in me and there we go again. The singular I solely affects what comes afterward. You say āhe-she IS,ā and āthey-you AREā but I am. From āBlack English,ā I has also morphed into the perfectly acceptable Ima, shorthand for āI am going to.ā Mind blown.
If you love Shakespeare, you mayāve noticed that he uses both thou and you in his plays. The former was once left to commoners and lower classes, while the latter was for people of high status or less formal situations. From you, we get yāall, yeet, ya, you-uns, and yinz. We also get āyou guys,ā which may have nothing to do with guys.
We and us are warmer in tone because of the inclusion implied. She is often casually used to imply cars, boats, and ā warmly or not ā gay men, in certain settings. It ālacks personhood,ā and to use it in reference to a human is ābarbarity.ā
And yes, though it can sometimes be confusing to modern speakers, the singular word ātheyā has been a āshape-shifterā for more than 700 years.
Your high school English teacher would be proud of you, if you pick up āPronoun Trouble.ā Sadly, though, you might need her again to make sense of big parts of this book: What youāll find here is a delightful romp through language, but itās also very erudite.
Author John McWhorter invites readers along to conjugate verbs, and doing so will take you back to ancient literature, on a fascinating journey thatās perfect for word nerds and anyone who loves language. Youāll likely find a bit of controversy here or there on various entries, but youāll also find humor and pop culture, an explanation for why zie never took off, and assurance that the whole flap over strictly-gendered pronouns is nothing but overblown protestation. Readers who have opinions will like that.
Still, if you just want the pronoun you want, a little between-the-lines looking is necessary here, so beware. āPronoun Troubleā is perfect for linguists, writers, and those who love to play with words but for most readers, itās a different kind of book, period.
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āThe Cost of Fearā
By Meg Stone
c.2025, Beacon Press
$26.95/232 pages
The footsteps fell behind you, keeping pace.
TheyĀ wereĀ loud as an airplane, a few decibelsĀ belowĀ the beat of your heart. Yes, someone was following you,Ā and you shouldnātĀ have letĀ itĀ happen.Ā Youāre no dummy. Youāre no wimp.Ā Read the new book,Ā āThe Cost of Fearā by Meg Stone,Ā and youāre no statistic. Ask around.

Query young women, older women, grandmothers, and teenagers. Ask gay men, lesbians, and trans individuals, and chances are that every one of them has a story of being scared of another person in a public place. Scared ā or worse.
Says author Meg Stone, nearly half of the women in a recent survey reported having āexperienced… unwanted sexual contactā of some sort. Almost a quarter of the men surveyed said the same. Nearly 30 percent of men in another survey admitted to having āperpetrated some form of sexual assault.ā
We focus on these statistics, says Stone, but we advise ineffectual safety measures.
āVictim blame is rampant,ā she says, and women and LGBTQ individuals are taught avoidance methods that may not work. If someoneās in the āearly stages of their careers,ā perpetrators may still hold all the cards through threats and career blackmail. Stone cites cases in which someone who was assaulted reported the crime, but police dropped the ball. Old tropes still exist and repeating or relying on them may be downright dangerous.
As a result of such ineffectiveness, fear keeps frightened individuals from normal activities, leaving the house, shopping, going out with friends for an evening.
So how can you stay safe?
Says Stone, learn how to fight back by using your whole body, not just your hands. Be willing to record whatās happening. Donāt abandon your activism, she says; in fact, join a group that helps give people tools to protect themselves. Learn the right way to stand up for someone whoās uncomfortable or endangered. Remember that you canāt be blamed for another personās bad behavior, and it shouldnāt mean you canāt react.
If you pick up āThe Cost of Fear,ā hoping to learn ways to protect yourself, there are two things to keep in mind.
First, though most of this book is written for women, it doesnāt take much of a leap to see how its advice could translate to any other world. Author Stone, in fact, includes people of all ages, genders, and all races in her case studies and lessons, and she clearly explains a bit of what she teaches in her classes. That width is helpful, and welcome.
Secondly, she asks readers to do something potentially controversial: she requests changes in sentencing laws for certain former and rehabilitated abusers, particularly for offenders who were teens when sentenced. Stone lays out her reasoning and begs for understanding; still, some readers may be resistant and some may be triggered.
Keep that in mind, and āThe Cost of Fearā is a great book for a young adult or anyone who needs to increase alertness, adopt careful practices, and stay safe. Take steps to have it soon.
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