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Queery: Julie Hawkins

The D.C. PFLAG president answers 20 gay questions

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(Photo courtesy of Hawkins)

Julie Hawkins is board president for D.C. Metro PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and as a Northern Virginia resident, she’s excited about Loudoun Out Loud, a new PFLAG-helmed support group for gay teens and their parents.

The group will meet on the fourth Sunday of every month from 4 to 6 p.m. at the Unitarian Universalist Church (22135 Davis Drive) in Sterling. After a kick-off party in January, the first session is Feb. 27. Anyone can attend. It’s one of 10 support groups for gay and trans teens PFLAG hosts throughout the D.C. area.

Hawkins says the group was planned before the reports of teen bullying and suicides in the last few months but those reports gave it an urgency.

“There was a real cry for this type of group in Loudoun County for a long time,” Hawkins says. “Most of the high schools there don’t have GSAs (gay/straight alliances) and even one of our board member’s daughter, who’s a straight ally, has experienced bullying there just for supporting LGBT kids.”

Parents can attend and sit in on the discussion or have their own discussion with a PFLAG facilitator in another room at the church. Teens — middle or high school — can attend with or without their parents. For more information, visit pflagdc.org.

Hawkins, a 37-year-old Arlington resident, grew up in Mankato, Minn. Her Navy career was cut short just before she planned to reenlist in 1998 when she was kicked out under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” Stationed in Hawaii at the time, she did odd jobs there for a year and a half, then moved back to the D.C. area where she’d been from 1993 to 1995.

She now works for an online K-12 education company in Herndon where she hires teachers. She got involved with PFLAG and has been on its board for the past three years because she wishes something like it had been available when she came out at 18.

Hawkins met her girlfriend, Barb Brueggemann, at work. They’ve been dating about six months and are planning to move in together soon. Hawkins enjoys nature photography in her spare time and, until she broke her ankle three months ago, she was an avid runner, a hobby she is slowly returning to now.

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I have been out since I was 18, so almost 20 years now! Telling my immediate family was the hardest for me because I feared the possibility of being rejected. I feared they would see this as a disappointment or a negative, something that needed to be hidden. I feared not being loved and accepted for who I was.

Who’s your LGBT hero?

Portia de Rossi

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?

Tracks!

Describe your dream wedding.

Being married in a church, because of what it symbolizes, and having a small gathering of my and my partner’s family and our closest and dear friends to witness this grand event.

What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?

Animal rights and environmental conservation.

What historical outcome would you change?

The assassination of Martin Luther King Jr.

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

Ellen DeGeneres coming out on her show.

On what do you insist?

Stopping the senseless bullying, equal rights and acceptance of all LGBT persons is a must! As Metro DC PFLAG’s board president, these are things that speak loudest to me and what we as an organization are most committed to. We have an obligation to make sure they feel safe and accepted in their homes, their schools and in their communities.

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” Barack Obama

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

“I Knew It”

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

I would want to make all those that want to “change” us LGBT.

What do you believe in beyond the physical world?

I believe there is a higher power, higher than us. I do believe you go beyond yourself when you die where everyone there is equal no matter who you were in your life.

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

Be the change you want to see by getting active in your local communities and schools to help educate and create a safe environment for our youth.

What would you walk across hot coals for?

Not having been discharged from the Navy on DADT.

What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?

That all lesbians are handy with tools and all gay men know about fashion.

What’s your favorite LGBT movie?

“Milk”

What’s the most overrated social custom?

The handshake. Many people feel the need to do this when they meet someone for the first time and even after the first time meeting someone, especially if they only remain acquaintances.

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

The dog tags from when my father served in the Army, my stepfather’s dog tag from serving in the Navy and my own dog tags from having served in the Navy.

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

I honestly can’t think of anything. I feel pretty blessed with how things have turned out and how I’ve navigated through life so far, especially in what I have been able to learn through family, friends, colleagues and even strangers.

Why Washington?

This is the heart of it all! This is where change can be heard and changed at the highest of levels. This is where I can do my best work and advocacy for Metro D.C. PFLAG as their board president and where I can continue to rally behind efforts like stopping the bullying in our schools, DADT and marriage equality.

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Autos

Going for gold: Ford Bronco Sport vs. Toyota RAV4

SUV world has share of bright lights, bold entrances, cut-throat competitors

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Ford Bronco Sport

Let the games begin! Just like the Winter Olympics this month, the SUV world has its share of bright lights, bold entrances, and cut-throat competitors. 

Enter the Ford Bronco Sport and Toyota RAV4, both ready to claim the podium but each with a different routine. Think hiking boots versus minimalist trainers. Dirt trails versus perfectly paved roadways. 

FORD BRONCO SPORT

$34,000

MPG: 25 city/30 highway

0 to 60 mph: 8.2 seconds

Cargo space: 32.5 cu. ft.

PROS: Boxy chic. Off-road ready. Easy-clean interior.

CONS: Meh gas mileage. Firm ride. Outside noise.    

The Bronco Sport doesn’t try to blend in — and that’s the point. With an upright stance, squared lines and retro-rugged styling, this compact SUV looks ready for a backcountry photoshoot before you’ve even left the driveway. 

Power comes from a three-cylinder turbo engine that handles daily driving with ease. Opt for the four-cylinder turbo, and the personality shifts from relaxed to assertive. Passing power improves. Highway merges are confident rather than cautious.

The standard 4×4 system sets the tone immediately. Traction is constant. Confidence is built in. Add the G.O.A.T. drive trains (in Ford cute-speak, this means “Goes Over Any Terrain”), and the Bronco Sport adapts to mud, sand, snow and rocks like a decathlete moving between events. Higher trims add skid plates, upgraded suspension and special hardware that makes rough territory feel less intimidating.

On pavement, the Bronco Sport is stable and composed, though the firm suspension can be ass-busting over deep potholes and such. And wind noise at highway speeds is kinda annoying, a tradeoff for the boxy profile.

Inside, durability meets thoughtful design. Rubberized surfaces and easy-clean materials welcome muddy boots, sandy paws or ambitious weekend projects. The cargo area features a flip-up rear window and adjustable floor, making it a breeze to load gear. Storage cubbies and nylon straps keep equipment organized without fuss.

Safety and other tech amenities are modern and practical. Wireless smartphone integration, cameras and driver-assistance gizmos such as adaptive cruise control make daily driving and long trips easier to manage.

What truly sets this SUV apart? In a sea of aerodynamic lemmings, the Bronco Sport feels like a free spirit. Rugged. Confident. A little rebellious. 

And, like alpine skier Breezy Johnson, it looks particularly good with a bit of trail dust.

TOYOTA RAV4

$34,000

MPG: 47 city/40 highway

0 to 60 mph: 7.1 seconds

Cargo space: 37.8 cu. ft.

PROS: Fuel savvy. Spacious. Tech-laden features.

CONS: Less-sporty ride. Blasé base trim. Pricey options.  

If the Bronco Sport is the adventurous wanderer, the Toyota RAV4 is the precision athlete who arrives early, stretches properly and performs effortlessly. Cue figure skaters Amber Glenn or Paul Poirier and you get the picture. 

Fully redesigned for 2026, this compact SUV retains a formula that has made it one of the best-selling vehicles in America, blending efficiency, versatility and lots of tech features.

Toyota nixed the traditional gas engine for the RAV4, but that’s just fine. All models are now either standard hybrids, with fuel economy in the mid-40 mpg range, or plug-in hybrids, which can go up to 50 miles on battery power alone. The result: Vehicles that can handle daily commutes in near silence while retaining long-distance flexibility that would make an Olympic coach proud.

Acceleration is smooth and responsive, particularly in the plug-in hybrid, which is surprisingly quick. The transition between electric and gas power is seamless, though heavy throttle inputs mean the engine sometimes sounds strained. Handling is more predictable than sporty, so this was a minor deduction on the RAV4’s scorecard … at least from me.

But overall comfort is outstanding. The suspension absorbs potholes and uneven pavement with ease, and cabin noise remains impressively low at highway speeds. Long road trips feel relaxed rather than fatiguing — less triathlon grind, more victory lap.

Toyota’s Safety Sense offers adaptive cruise control, lane-keeping assist, enhanced collision avoidance and other systems that operate smoothly without seeming intrusive.

Inside, the revamped cabin is user-friendly. Materials are more refined than before, especially in mid- and upper-level trims. A large, high-resolution touchscreen supports the latest apps, voice commands and over-the-air updates. Such a layout is intuitive instead of flashy — stylish athleisure rather than couture.

Passenger space is generous, and cargo capacity remains among the most practical in this segment. The wide opening is especially helpful when tossing in luggage, sports equipment or an overly optimistic warehouse haul.

For drivers like me who are quick to judge efficiency, reliability and daily usability, the RAV4 delivered a gold-medal performance. 

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Real Estate

Home is where the heart is

Tying Valentine’s Day to LGBTQ buyers and sellers

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(Photo by sundaemorning/Bigstock)

Valentine’s Day is often portrayed as a celebration of romantic love — flowers, chocolates, and candlelit dinners. But for many LGBTQ+ individuals and couples, Valentine’s Day can also be a moment to reflect on something deeper: the love that creates a safe, welcoming home.

For LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers, homeownership is more than a financial milestone—it is an act of belonging, resilience, and pride. Owning a home can mean finally having a place where you can hold hands with your partner on the front porch, decorate with your authentic style, and build a life free from judgment. In this way, buying or selling a home is one of the most meaningful love stories many LGBTQ+ people will ever write.

This Valentine’s Day, whether you’re a first-time gay home buyer, a same-sex couple upgrading your space, or an LGBTQ+ seller moving on to your next chapter, it’s worth thinking about how love, identity, and real estate intersect—and how to navigate that journey with confidence, protection, and the right support.

Love, Identity, and the Meaning of ‘Home’

For generations, LGBTQ+ people were denied equal access to housing, homeownership, and legal protections. Even today, many LGBTQ+ home buyers still face subtle bias, uncomfortable interactions, or outright discrimination in the real estate process.

That’s why finding LGBTQ+ friendly real estate and an affirming gay friendly realtor or lesbian realtor matters so much. A home isn’t just a building—it’s a personal sanctuary. Working with LGBTQ+ real estate agents who understand your lived experience can make all the difference between a stressful transaction and a joyful one.

For over 30 years, GayRealEstate.com has been the leading gay real estate network, connecting LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers with gay real estate agents, lesbian real estate agents, and LGBTQ+ friendly realtors who truly “get it.” Their mission has always been simple yet powerful: to ensure that every LGBTQ+ person has access to safe, respectful, and inclusive real estate services.

Finding Your Match: Choosing the Right LGBTQ+ Friendly Realtor

Much like dating, finding the right real estate agent is about compatibility, trust, and communication. Here are some key tips for choosing the best LGBTQ+ real estate representation:

  • Look for experience with LGBTQ+ clients. Search for a gay realtor near me or lesbian realtor near me through GayRealEstate.com, where agents are vetted for cultural competency and community commitment.
  • Ask about their experience with same-sex couple home buying. A strong agent should understand issues like joint ownership, legal protections, and financing considerations.
  • Choose someone who listens. You should feel safe sharing your priorities—whether that includes proximity to LGBTQ+ nightlife, affirming schools, or lesbian-friendly neighborhoods.
  • Prioritize respect and transparency. Your agent should advocate for you, not just push a quick sale.

The right gay friendly real estate agent isn’t just helping you buy a house—they’re helping you find a place to build your life.

Best Cities for LGBTQ+ Home Buyers

If love is your compass, location is your map. Some of the best cities for LGBTQ+ home buyers consistently offer strong community presence, legal protections, and welcoming neighborhoods:

  • Wilton Manors, Florida – A hub for LGBTQ+ culture with thriving LGBTQ+ real estate opportunities
  • Palm Springs, California – A long-standing LGBTQ+ retirement and second-home destination
  • Provincetown, Massachusetts – Historic LGBTQ+ community with progressive housing protections
  • Asheville, North Carolina – Growing market with inclusive real estate services
  • Fort Lauderdale, Florida – Diverse, welcoming, and highly sought-after for LGBTQ+ home ownership

Working with GayRealEstate.com allows you to connect with local LGBTQ+ real estate experts who know these markets inside and out.

Navigating Legal Protections in LGBTQ+ Real Estate

Love is universal—but legal protections are not always consistent. Understanding your rights is essential when buying or selling a home as an LGBTQ+ person.

Key protections include:

  • Fair Housing Act (FHA): Prohibits discrimination based on sex, which courts have increasingly interpreted to include sexual orientation and gender identity.
  • State and local protections: Many cities and states offer additional safeguards against LGBTQ+ housing discrimination.
  • Same-sex couple legal considerations: If you are married, joint ownership is typically straightforward. If not, consult an attorney about co-ownership agreements.

A knowledgeable LGBTQ+ friendly realtor from GayRealEstate.com can help guide you through these complexities and connect you with trusted legal professionals when needed.

Buying a Home as an LGBTQ+ Person: Practical Tips

If you’re embarking on your home-buying journey this Valentine’s season, here are smart, practical steps to take:

  1. Clarify your priorities. Do you want a vibrant LGBTQ+ neighborhood, quiet suburbs, or access to queer community spaces?
  2. Get pre-approved for a mortgage. This strengthens your position in competitive markets.
  3. Work with an LGBTQ+ real estate agent. Searching “finding a gay real estate agent” or “finding a lesbian real estate agent” through GayRealEstate.com is a great first step.
  4. Research inclusive communities. Some neighborhoods are more welcoming than others.
  5. Know your rights. If you experience bias, document it and seek legal guidance.

Buying a home is an act of self-love—and community love.

Selling a Home as an LGBTQ+ Person

Selling can be just as emotional as buying, especially if your home represents years of memories with your partner, friends, or chosen family.

When selling a home as an LGBTQ+ person, consider:

  • Working with a gay friendly realtor who will market your home inclusively
  • Highlighting LGBTQ+ community appeal in listings
  • Being prepared for potential buyer bias (and knowing how to respond)
  • Leaning on GayRealEstate.com’s LGBTQ+ real estate services for trusted guidance

Your story—and your home—deserve respect.

Real Estate for LGBTQ+ Families

More LGBTQ+ couples are raising children, fostering, or building blended families. This makes homeownership even more meaningful.

When searching for real estate for LGBTQ+ families, consider:

  • LGBTQ+ affirming school districts
  • Family-friendly queer communities
  • Safe neighborhoods with inclusive values
  • Access to LGBTQ+ resources and social networks

GayRealEstate.com specializes in helping LGBTQ+ families find homes that truly fit their lives.

Love, Pride, and Homeownership

At its core, Valentine’s Day is about connection. For LGBTQ+ people, homeownership can be one of the most profound expressions of love—love for yourself, your partner, your family, and your future.

Whether you are a first-time gay home buyer, a same-sex couple relocating, or an LGBTQ+ seller moving forward, you deserve an experience rooted in dignity, fairness, and celebration.

For over three decades, GayRealEstate.com has stood as the leading source for LGBTQ+ real estate, gay real estate, lesbian real estate, and LGBTQ+ home buying and selling representation. Their nationwide network of gay real estate agents, lesbian-friendly real estate agents, and LGBTQ+ friendly realtors ensures that your real estate journey is guided by professionals who understand your heart—and your home.

This Valentine’s Day, let your next chapter be written in a place where you can truly belong. Because when love leads the way, home is never far behind.


Scott Helms is president and owner of Gayrealestate.com.

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Advice

I keep getting rejected on the apps

Ready to give up on the gay dating scene

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Getting rejected on the apps? Try some old school, offline experiences to shake things up. (Photo by BAZA Production/Bigstock)

Dear Michael,

I keep getting rejected on the apps. I don’t want to put myself out there anymore.

I don’t understand gay men. I think they behave really badly.

Guys stop replying in the middle of a text conversation and then un-match me. Guys don’t show up when we make a plan to meet. After a date or even a hookup that it seems clear we both enjoyed, I never hear from the guy again.

I am a pretty good looking and successful guy. I’m not a model or a billionaire but I’m sincerely wanting to date and eventually share a life with someone.

Unfortunately, everyone I am meeting, even if they say they have similar aspirations for a partner, acts like they’re looking over my shoulder for something better, and drops me for I-don’t-know-what reason.

I don’t have a lot of trust in the sincerity of gay men.

I know I sound bitter but I’ve been at this for a while and it keeps happening.

I know there’s a saying that if it keeps happening to you, you must be the problem. Logically that makes sense.

Except, I think this keeps happening so often and so predictably that it’s not me. These people hardly know me. It’s more along the lines of, if everything about me isn’t exactly what they want, or some little thing that I say, think, or do offends them, they vanish.

I’m lonely, but what’s out there is awful. Maybe it’s best to not keep trying. 

If you have a different way of seeing it that’s honest, not just some fluff to make me feel better and be hopeful, please enlighten me.

Michael replies:

I agree with you, there is a lot of this kind of behavior out there. I hear stories similar to yours all the time. Though people do find great relationships online, relying on apps to meet a partner can be tricky.

Hookup apps have little to do with any kind of real connection. Often, they don’t even have much to do with sex. For a lot of people, they’re more about trying to fill up some kind of emptiness and seeking validation. They also, obviously, objectify men, which is the opposite experience of what you’re seeking.

And dating apps lend themselves to a sort of takeout menu concept of dating. You get to specify exactly what you’re looking for—a little of this, a lot of that, please omit something else—and then believe you should get what you ordered. As if that really exists. And when something isn’t just what you wanted, forget it. 

But life doesn’t work that way. Nor do people: You can enter the exact criteria for the man of your dreams, but he will surprise you or let you down at times in some major ways. That’s how it goes. Part of being in a relationship is accepting that we all have to deal with imperfection.

All that said, hordes of people are going to keep using all sorts of apps and keep looking for “perfect” partners and keep ditching perfectly fine guys for the most minuscule of reasons. 

But that doesn’t mean that you have to stay on the apps if it’s demoralizing you and leaving you hopeless.

Before you sign off, perhaps you would like to have some fun and be creative. Just for example, you could write in your profile that you’re interested in meeting a guy who isn’t looking for perfection and is looking for a decent soul rather than a set of stats. You still might encounter a lot of guys who ghost you for no apparent reason, but you also might have some luck finding a sincere someone with relationship goals that are similar to yours.

Another, complimentary strategy: Toughen up your attitude to stop letting let these rejections get under your skin. They have little to do with who you are (unless you are oblivious to some major issue about yourself), so you needn’t take them personally. In other words, expect this to keep happening; and when it does, laugh and keep moving forward.  

I understand you are feeling like giving up on gay men in general. Keep in mind that while there are a lot of reasons why many gay men focus more on sex and less on commitment, that isn’t true across the board. In my work over the years, I have met many gay men who are looking for what you’re seeking. You could strive to be hopeful that if you keep looking, you are likely to cross paths with some of them. 

And where you look may play a role.

Whether or not you stay on the apps, I suggest you seek additional ways to meet a potential boyfriend. Before apps existed, people did find other ways to meet romantic partners, and these ways do still exist. I know that this path is not an easy one. The whole dating endeavor isn’t easy. But difficult is not impossible.  

There are social and activity groups for gay men that are organized around some sort of shared interest. They aren’t overtly sexual, so often attract people who are interested in and looking for a deeper connection. Even if you don’t meet a boyfriend there, you might make some like-minded friends, and one thing may lead to another in all sorts of ways. 

There’s also plenty you can do as a human being (not simply as a gay man) in the offline world that might interest and even uplift you, where you just might meet a man you like. Again, you might also simply make some friends, and through having a bigger social life, might ultimately meet your guy.

Simply put: Don’t let yourself feel like or be a victim. Don’t keep putting yourself in miserable situations. And figure out what it means for you to do your best to make what you’d like to happen, happen. 

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, and New York. He can be found at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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