Opinions
Snow on the roof, fire in the furnace
Sex after 60 means precautions for men, lube for women
This is a tale of debunking two myths: one, that guys over 50 no longer have, want or need sex, and, two, that HIV/AIDS is a young guyāsĀ disease.
A friend recently said, āTo my amazement, I realized that at 65 I have a new sexual problem ā scheduling!ā He thought, like many of us who bought into the myth that sex disappears from our lives after 50, and for sure after 60.
The good news for older gay men is there are now many more ways to network, some may say, āhook upā with other guys, older and younger. In the past, one of the few places to meet someone was in a gay bar; today there are many more opportunities. Besides social clubs like Prime Timers, Metro Retirees or SAGE-DC, there is an explosion of social networking websites. One of the most popular for older guys is called āSilver Daddiesā where all kinds of men from around the world can get to know each other.
And, of course one of the other factors enhancing the erotic life of older men is the introduction of āthe little blue pillā ā Viagra. The problem is not finding someone to have a sexual relationship with; the problem is keeping it safe.
With this new level of sexual freedom for gay male seniors comes the bad news in the reality of increases in HIV and other STD rates within this group.
The D.C. Health Department tells us that 72 percent of all people living with HIV/AIDS are men, and of that, 71.3 percent are over 40 years old. The epidemic in the District is clearly not a āyoung guysā epidemic. This is due to two factors: one, because of advances in HIV treatment, people are living longer than ever, and two, new HIV infections are increasing in people over 40, 50, and even 60.Ā In addition, the rates of HIV/AIDS among those 50 and older are 12 times as high among blacks and five times as high among Hispanics, as compared to whites.
And the federal Centers for Disease Control says: āMSM (men who have sex with men) are the only risk group in the U.S. in which new HIV infections are increasing. While new infections have declined among both heterosexuals and injection drug users, the annual number of new HIV infections among MSM has been steadily increasing since the early 1990s.ā
So guys, welcome back to the party ā but make it a safe one.
Sex after 60: Women Keep on Keeping on
Sex after 60 for women involves patience and lube ā and of course any other toys you may want.
Lesbian, bisexual and trans (LBT) women over 60 today are the ones who came of age in the second wave of feminism and the glorious old days of āsex, drugs and rock ānā roll.āĀ Older women, those who were coming out in the pre-Stonewall days, are still having sex; early on, many of them were into butch/femme identification in expression and sexuality.
A friend describes sex as āany act that increases the potential for orgasm.ā That opens the door wide when we then think about older women and sex acts.
Lesbian sexual liberation is strongly tied to women’s sexual liberation. In the 1950s and early ā60s, literature about women’s sexuality was always considered pornographic because the idea of women having sexual feelings was taboo.
Then came Erica Jong’s Fear of Flying in 1973. She is renowned for her description of a female fantasy the āzipless fuck.ā A “zipless fuck” was defined as a sexual encounter for its own sake, without emotional involvement or commitment or any ulterior motive, between two previously unacquainted persons. It became the word of the day and for many women gave permission. The book released the taboo for women that sex was confined to a committed relationship with one person. It sold 20 million copies.
It can also be said that many women like to be wooed. Many of us love romance in all its sensuous permutations: flowers, music, candles, good food and tantalizing conversation, slow seduction, and lube (oh, I said that already).
Older lesbians experiment with sexual expression and family definition.Ā Over the years we have moved fluidly from monogamous to polyamorous relationships, from conventional sex to a wide range of sexual play and into many creative definitions of love, sex and family. With this freedom must also come the respect of clear expectations and responsibility in the sexual realm.
The bottom line (no pun intended) is that older women still love to have sex and that sex covers a wide range of behaviors. Our sexuality can be as varied an experience for older women as it is endless. We are only constrained by our self-awareness, our socialization and our imaginations.
Older LBT women look for places to meet. Some groups in this area are SAGE Metro DC, Old Lesbians Organizing for Change, and be sure to check out Hot Flash ā dance parties for women 50-plus (HYPERLINK “http://www.hotflashdances.com/”http://www.hotflashdances.com/).
Ken South is with SAGE Metro-DC and Laurie Young is director, Public Policy & Government Affairs, for the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force.
Commentary
A conversation about queers and class
As a barback, I see our communityās elitism up close

In the bar, on the way to its now-Instafamous bathrooms, thereās a sign that reads, āqueer & trans liberation means economic justice for all.ā
I remember seeing that sign the first week the bar opened, and ever since I often find myself reflecting on that message. I stand fully in agreement. Thatās why laws protecting queers in the workplace are essential, for far too often we are targeted otherwise. It’s also why I love working at the bar, since it provides opportunities for queers from all over the spectrum to earn a living. At a time when I gave myself space to pursue art, it was the bar that enabled me to do so.
Itās one thing to support the LGBTQ community in spirit, but that spirit means jack in a capitalist society if viable economic opportunities donāt exist. Speaking of jack, thereās a fellow barback named Jack who I fangirl over often. Jack is a decade younger than me, but damn I wish I had his sex appeal at his age (or any age, for that matter). He also has a mustache that easily puts mine to shame.
Jack not only agrees but took things one step further. āEconomic inequality IS a queer issue,ā he told me, āespecially as we move into the most uncertain period of American politics I have ever lived through, it is apparent our identity is now a fireable offense.ā
Uncertain is right. Weāre fresh off the heels of a trade bonanza, one caused for literally no reason by our current commander in chief. Yet there emerged a strange division when discussing the trade warās āunintendedā consequences. For working class comrades like Jack and myself, weāre stressed about increasing prices in an already tough economy. But the wealthier echelons of our country had something else on their mind: the spiraling stock market. This alone highlights the story of our economic divide, where the same event produces two separate concerns for two distinct classes.
This is not to say the stock market is not important, but sometimes the media forget many Americans donāt own stock at all, including a vast majority of people between 18 and 29. In fact, according to Axios, the wealthiest 10 percent of Americans own 93 percent of the entire stock market, with the richest 1 percent holding $25 trillion ā thatās right, trillion with a ātā ā in market value. So, when the president reversed course on trade, it was less about high prices hurting everyday Americans and more about the dent created in the wealth of the wealthiest. And Iāll admit: that bothers me a lot.
If there is any takeaway from Trumpās trade war, it should be this: Economic inequality is the highest it has been in decades and, if left unchecked, will destroy the fabric of our country. We are steadily moving toward oligarchy statusāif weāre not there already, that isāand it seems to grow worse with each passing year and administration. But in a city of D.C. gays who often skew corporate, I wonder: Are we all on the same page here?
After becoming a barback, I have my doubts. From questions about what else I do, to comments encouraging me to work hard so that I can be a bartender one day, I quickly learned the gay world is not too fond of barbacking. Barebacking, sure, but not barbacking. And hey, I get itāweāre not the alcohol hookup at the bar. Still, we are part of the service industry, and while some people are incredibly kind, youād be surprised at how many turn up their noses at us, too.
Recently, Iāve come to realize my class defines me as much as my orientation does, if not more. Naturally, when you come from a rough neck of the woods like I do, itās easy to feel out of place in a flashy city like D.C., which Jack noticed, too. āAnyone from a working class background could testify to that,ā he said. āI donāt really know anyone from true upper class backgrounds, but Iād imagine their experience is one that leans into assimilation.ā
Assimilation is a key word here, for admittedly gays love to play with the elite. Often, we donāt have children, meaning more money for the finer things in life, but that also means we may not think about future generations much, either. Iāve written before that our insecurity growing up has us ready to show the world just how powerful gays can beāpower that comes in trips to Coachella and Puerto Vallarta, or basking in the lavish houses and toys we own. Thereās already a joke that gays run the government, and corporate gays kick ass at their jobs as well. So, given the choice between fighting inequality and keeping a high-paying job, I must admit I have a hard time seeing where D.C. gays stand.
Admittedly, it worked out in our favor before, given that many corporations catered to our economic prowess over the years. But look at whatās happening now: Many corporations have kicked us to the curb. Protections are being stripped from queers, particularly for our trans brothers and sisters. Law firms are bowing down to Trump, offering hundreds of millions in legal fees just for their bottom line. All of this will hurt both queers and the working class in the long run, so again I ask: Corporate gays, where do you stand? Because if you remain complicit, thatās bad news for us all.
I donāt want to sound accusatory, and I hate being a doomsday type, so allow me to end this on a better note. Strength is not about celebrating when times are good. Arguably, true strength emerges when times get tough. These are tough times, my friends, but that also makes now the perfect opportunity to show the world just how strong we are.
At a time when the world is pressuring us to turn our backs on each other, we must defy them to show up when it counts. Corporate gaysānow more than ever, at a time when the economy is turning its back on queers, we need you. We need you to stand up for the queer community. We need you to make sure no one gets left behind. We need you to show up for us, so that we can show up for you, too.
Ten years ago, the economy didnāt turn queer out of nowhere. The economy turned queer because we made it turn queer.
And if we did it once, surely we can do it again.
Jake Stewart is a D.C.-based writer and barback.
Opinions
On Pope Francis, Opus Dei and ongoing religious intolerance
Argentine-born pontiff died on Monday

āGood Fridayā set the stage for Saturdayās anti-Trump/MAGA āHands Offā protests serving as a timely lead-in to binge-watching Alex Gibneyās two-part HBO political documentary, āThe Dark Money Gameā on Easter Sunday. In āWealth of the Wicked,ā nefarious Opus Dei āSvengali Leonard Leo strategically seduces politically disappointed Catholic Federalist Society billionaires into subsidizing a scheme to ‘pipeline’ malleable conservative judges to take over the Supreme Court and overturn reproductive rights.
A key victory for āOperation Higher Courtā came in 2010 when SCOTUS ruled 5-4 in Citizens United v Federal ElecĀtion CommisĀsion, that corporations and unions have the same First Amendment free political speech rights as individuals ā as long as their unlimited cash donations go to 501 c(4)’s or Super PAC slush funds and not directly to candidates. Twelve years later, in 2022, they got their payoff with the overturning of Roe v Wade by Leo-promoted Catholic justices.
But Leoās political conniving is not the only exploitation of moral corruption. The documentary exposes conservative Christians too.
Gibneyās anti-hero is a former rabid anti-abortion lobbyist named Rev. Robert Schenck. He tells of turning to a fellow conservative in Cleveland, Ohio after Trump won the Republican presidential nomination in 2016 and asking: āAre we really going to do this? Weāre going to choose this man whoās inimical to everything we believe?ā The other evangelical replied: āI donāt care how bad he is. Heās going to get us the court we need.āā
Schenck explains the unholy alliance between Christian conservatives and Big Business. āWhenever you talked about government regulation, the argument was eventually ā āthese same characters who control my business are going to start trying to control your church. So, itās in your best interests that we defang this monsterā ā and that brought a lot of religious conservatives over.ā
And thereās this: āWe have a little aphorism built on a Bible verse: āThe wealth of the wicked is laid up for the righteous.ā So, yeah, letās baptize the billionairesā money. We can do that ā and it eventually brought together this alliance.ā
Schenck later reveals an intense epiphany that resulted in regret for how much harm he caused. Not so for Leo.
This is an excerpt from Gareth Goreās comprehensive book Opus, for Rolling Stone Magazine:
āDURING THE DONALD TRUMP YEARS, conservatives ā led by Leonard Leo ā took control of the Supreme Court … At one Federalist Society event, his good friend Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas jokingly referred to Leo as the third most powerful man in the world, presumably behind the pope and the president of the United States.ā
On Monday morning, Pope Francis died. I liked this pope, compared to the others. I covered Creating Change during the AIDS crisis when author Paul Monette delivered his brilliant, scathing denouncement of the Catholic Church, then unexpectedly ripped up a portrait of Pope John Paul II. Pope Benedict XVI was just crotchety cruel. But Pope Francis ā named for St. Francis of Assisi ā had that big smile and genuinely seemed to care about migrants, the vulnerable and the marginalized ā like us. He even used the word ‘gay’ instead of ‘homosexual.’
Pope Francisās reply to a question about a Vatican āgay lobbyā on a flight from Rio de Janeiro to Rome made global news. āIf a person is gay and seeks God and has good will,ā he said in 2013. āWho am I to judge? We shouldn’t marginalize people for this. They must be integrated into society.”
What did this mean? Welcoming inclusion into a family that officially considers us ‘intrinsically disordered?’
And then there was Pope Francis’s interaction with Juan Carlos CruzĀ ā a whistleblower in Chile’s clerical sex abuse scandal.
“He said, ‘Look Juan Carlos, the pope loves you this way. God made you like this and he loves you,'” Cruz told The Associated Press.
Meanwhile the Catholic Church Catechism affirmed, “this inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial.”
Ergo, a behavioral choice.
Therein lies the problem.
LGBTQ people are seen largely as individuals with sinful same sex sexual ‘inclinations.’ So when the pontiff touted ‘the equal dignity of every human being,’ and rebuked Vice President JD Vance with the ‘Good Samaritan’ parable, whereby love ābuilds a fraternity open to all, without exceptionā ā we are still the exception.
Francis was all also human ā having to apologize at one point for using a gay slur. But what of the bigger things like, did he know about the Opus Dei takeover of the U.S. Supreme Court when he chastised Vance about deporting migrants? Did he know that the Archdiocese of Los Angeles agreed to pay $880 million to 1,353 people last October, who allege they were victims of clergy sexual abuse? With a previous payment of $740 million, the total settlement payout will be more than $1.5 billion dollars. Is Leo chipping in to replenish that?
And itās not over. Earlier this month, Downey Catholic priest Jaime Arriaga, 41, was charged with several counts of child sexual abuse which allegedly happened when he was serving as a transitional deacon at the Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church.
Longtime U.K LGBTQ+ activist Peter Tatchell ā whoās campaigned against Catholic homophobia for 58 years ā says Pope Francisā legacy is complicated.
āI extend my condolences to Catholics worldwide on the passing of Pope Francis. While we often disagreed on issues of LGBTQ rights, I acknowledge his more compassionate tone towards sexual minorities. His recent moves to allow blessings for same-sex couples, albeit with limitations, signaled a small but significant shift in Church doctrine,ā Tatchell said in a statement.
āHowever, for millions of LGBT+ people globally, the Catholic Church remains a force for discrimination and suffering. Under his leadership, the Vatican continued to oppose same-sex marriage and trans rights. Catholic bishops lobbied against the decriminalization of homosexuality in many parts of the world. The Vatican still upholds the homophobic edicts of the Catechism, which denounces the sexual expression of same-sex love as a āgrave depravityā and āintrinsically disordered.ā Francisās legacy is, therefore, a mixed one ā offering some progress, but leaving deep-rooted inequalities largely intact.
āThe struggle for LGBT+ equalityĀ against a homophobicĀ church must continue. We urge the next Pope to go further ā to end the churchās support for discrimination, both within the faith and in the widerĀ society.ā

Brad Tennis loves running. For years, the meditative rhythm of his feet on pavement brought him peace like nothing else could. And it turns out, he was quite good at running as he even qualified for the Boston Marathon. But while Brad was chasing his goals, unbeknownst to him, his heart was slowly deteriorating.
In November 2018, out of the blue, Brad was diagnosed with arrhythmogenic right ventricular cardiomyopathy or ARVC, a rare heart condition that causes the heart muscle to break down over time. ARVC increases the risk of abnormal heartbeats and chance of sudden cardiac death. Brad was fitted with an internal defibrillator and told he could no longer run. Doctors warned him that endurance exercise would only accelerate the disease.
After processing the news of this condition, Brad felt like himself for a while. But in 2020, he started experiencing Implantable Cardioverter-Defibrillator (ICD) shocks to halt life threatening arrhythmias. Despite numerous surgical and medical interventions, the shocks began to get more frequent. By 2023, the toll of the disease, the ICD shocks and the treatments led to progressing heart failure. By the end of 2023, he was feeling breathless on stairs, having trouble playing physically with his children and finding it difficult to keep up at work. His world was shrinking.
In February 2024, Brad started the process with Johns Hopkins Hospital to be listed for a heart transplant. A couple of weeks later, he had another shock, more testing and then a doctor put him on ECMO (extracorporeal membrane oxygenation), a life support machine that is used when a person’s heart is failing. Soon after, he got the news of a lifetime: āThereās a heart available and today is the day!ā
The organ transplant marked the beginning of a new journey. Brad focused on recovery ā building up his strength, learning his new body and adjusting to life with a new heart. Last summer, he was cleared to exercise again and is enjoying playing with his kids ā something he deeply missed.

“I would never say I’m back to feeling normal. I’m always going to have to carefully manage my stress and my activities to protect my health and my new heart,ā said Brad. āBut the transplant was lifesaving and means that I will be there to build a life with my husband and my kids.”
Brad is still moving forward. He and his family are enjoying life again ā and heās even bought a new pair of sneakers with the hope that heāll be able to return to running regularly.
āOrgan donation and transplant have reopened doors that I had thought were closed forever,ā Brad shares. āItās given me the chance to be present and have a full, happy life with my husband, son and daughter.ā
His husband, Drew, adds, āEvery day, I’m reminded of Brad’s strength, resilience and bravery.ā
Brad doesnāt take this lifesaving gift for granted and is grateful to his organ donor hero. āI think itās an amazing thing ā to give life and give hope. Even in tragedy, someone gave me a gift… a second chance. Everyone can register to be a donor and save lives like Bradās at infinitelegacy.org.
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