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Coming out in Mexico

Two families handle their gay sons very differently

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By TERRY DODDS

This is the first time I am writing for the Blade, but I hope not the last. I was born in Mexico City, but I am now an American citizen.

Mexico is generally a very Catholic country. I am going to tell you two different histories and the very different reactions from two families about the reactions when their respective sons told the parents that they were gay.

Story No. 1: In Mexico, there is a big population of originally Spanish people who came to Mexico during the civil war in Spain. Mexico happily opened their arms to them. Those families generally speaking keep stronger Old Spanish traditions, in fact, much more so, than the Spanish people that live in Spain.

One of these families has a son who, for the purpose of this story, will be named Ernest.Ā Ā  Ernest was a very cute and studious son who earned a Ph.D. He, like most of these Spanish-rooted children do, was still living at home and had a girlfriend. Their wedding day was three months away.

Given the kind of people they were — and the time, around 1975 — this couple had never slept together, and they would have gone that way until the wedding day. Obviously the girlfriend felt that something was not right in this regard, because she told him: ā€œErnest I am not marrying you, if we don’t have sex before our wedding.ā€

Ernest did try, but he couldn’t do it. He just didn’t feel the appetite for it. So the girlfriend broke off the engagement. He wasn’t disappointed.

The parents were very sorry about the marriage being off and kept telling him to be patient, that she will be back soon. He began to go out with other friends; his parents didn’t know what he was doing.

One Friday night as he came home late, he found his mother in an ocean of tears, she could hardly speak. She said, ā€œOh Ernest people are so evil, you are never going to believe this, a person called me tonight and told me that you are gay and that is also the reason why your girlfriend wants nothing to do with you anymore. Also they told me that you have man lovers, and we as your parents are the only people that don’t know about all this.ā€

Ernest, saw this as the golden opportunity, that he had been long looking for, so he told Ā his mother: ā€œMom, I am so sorry, that people have upset you, but I might as well tell you, that it is true, there is nothing I can do about it, also there is nothing wrong with it, people are just different, I am also a mature man, so this is my opportunity to tell you that I am going to move out of this house and live on my own.ā€ He then left the room. The mother cried even harder.

The next morning he came down later than usual and found his father reading the newspaper, the father spoke first. He told him, ā€œSon, I know about the conversation you and your mother had last night. Let me tell you, right or wrong, heterosexual or homosexual, you are my son and I love you. I don’t understand this, but I will respect you, you can live here with us as long as you want or leave this is up to you, this will always be your house, we will always be your loving parents and the doors are always open for you.ā€

Without too much transition he asked him: ā€œWhat do you want for breakfast?ā€

The second story involves a Mexican family with four boys and two girls. One of the sons we’ll call Oscar. He was a very neat and hard working man. He never had a girlfriend, but nobody in the family ever suspected (or if they did, they never vocalized the idea, that he might be gay).

On his 45th birthday, he decided to tell his mother that he was gay, hoping for understanding and respect. 
When he told his mother, first she cried, then she asked him to go with her to see a doctor, to check what was wrong with him. Ā He tried to explain that there is nothing wrong with hime. He just was gay and there are millions like him.

However he had given his word so he went with his mother to the doctor. The doctor explained that it was not a temporary condition, he was born gay, he was gay and he was going to be gay for the rest of his life. There was no medicine or treatment that could change that. Oscar felt he had at least kept his promise to his mother.

She asked him to please, please, not to tell anyone in the family, specially his father because this will surely kill him. Oscar’s father was not going to be able to live with that shame and embarrassment.

The following week the mother appeared in front of the whole family with a scapular and a habit. (A scapular is two hanging shapes, with a cord holding them together in a way that they can hang around your neck, showing one at the front and one at the back. They both have the same religious image. The habit is like the gown that some monks use, but in this case you dress as a particular saint that you want to honor.)

This is almost like paying forward, by dressing this way — you are requesting a favor from the Saint: I dress and advertise you and I want you to grant me a wish. The mother stated to the whole family that she was asking for a ā€œvery special miracleā€ that she desperately needed. That was the reason for this display.

Even when the rest of the family knew about the ā€œcatastrophe,ā€ all the brothers and sisters were OK about it. The father was never told and he either didn’t know or pretended not to know. The siblings never let on to the family that they knew about it.Ā  It was a real demonstration of family hypocrisy and ignorance.

 

 

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Opinions

On Pope Francis, Opus Dei and ongoing religious intolerance

Argentine-born pontiff died on Monday

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A picture of Pope Francis inside St. Matthew's Cathedral in D.C. on April 21, 2025. (Washington Blade photo by Michael K. Lavers)

ā€œGood Fridayā€ set the stage for Saturday’s anti-Trump/MAGA ā€œHands Offā€ protests serving as a timely lead-in to binge-watching Alex Gibney’s two-part HBO political documentary, ā€œThe Dark Money Gameā€ on Easter Sunday. In ā€œWealth of the Wicked,ā€ nefarious Opus Dei ā€”Svengali Leonard Leo strategically seduces politically disappointed Catholic Federalist Society billionaires into subsidizing a scheme to ‘pipeline’ malleable conservative judges to take over the Supreme Court and overturn reproductive rights.

A key victory for ā€œOperation Higher Courtā€ came in 2010 when SCOTUS ruled 5-4 in Citizens United v Federal ElecĀ­tion CommisĀ­sion, that corporations and unions have the same First Amendment free political speech rights as individuals — as long as their unlimited cash donations go to 501 c(4)’s or Super PAC slush funds and not directly to candidates.  Twelve years later, in 2022, they got their payoff with the overturning of Roe v Wade by Leo-promoted Catholic justices.

But Leo’s political conniving is not the only exploitation of moral corruption. The documentary exposes conservative Christians too.

Gibney’s anti-hero is a former rabid anti-abortion lobbyist named Rev. Robert Schenck. He tells of turning to a fellow conservative in Cleveland, Ohio after Trump won the Republican presidential nomination in 2016 and asking: ā€œAre we really going to do this? We’re going to choose this man who’s inimical to everything we believe?ā€ The other evangelical replied: ā€œI don’t care how bad he is. He’s going to get us the court we need.ā€™ā€

Schenck explains the unholy alliance between Christian conservatives and Big Business. ā€œWhenever you talked about government regulation, the argument was eventually — ā€˜these same characters who control my business are going to start trying to control your church. So, it’s in your best interests that we defang this monster’ — and that brought a lot of religious conservatives over.ā€

And there’s this: ā€œWe have a little aphorism built on a Bible verse: ā€˜The wealth of the wicked is laid up for the righteous.’ So, yeah, let’s baptize the billionaires’ money. We can do that ā€” and it eventually brought together this alliance.ā€

Schenck later reveals an intense epiphany that resulted in regret for how much harm he caused. Not so for Leo.

This is an excerpt from Gareth Gore’s comprehensive book Opus, for Rolling Stone Magazine:

ā€œDURING THE DONALD TRUMP YEARS, conservatives — led by Leonard Leo — took control of the Supreme Court … At one Federalist Society event, his good friend Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas jokingly referred to Leo as the third most powerful man in the world, presumably behind the pope and the president of the United States.ā€

On Monday morning, Pope Francis died. I liked this pope, compared to the others. I covered Creating Change during the AIDS crisis when author Paul Monette delivered his brilliant, scathing denouncement of the Catholic Church, then unexpectedly ripped up a portrait of Pope John Paul II. Pope Benedict XVI was just crotchety cruel. But Pope Francis — named for St. Francis of Assisi — had that big smile and genuinely seemed to care about migrants, the vulnerable and the marginalized ā€” like us. He even used the word ‘gay’ instead of ‘homosexual.’

Pope Francis’s reply to a question about a Vatican ā€œgay lobbyā€ on a flight from Rio de Janeiro to Rome made global news. ā€œIf a person is gay and seeks God and has good will,ā€ he said in 2013. ā€œWho am I to judge? We shouldn’t marginalize people for this. They must be integrated into society.”

What did this mean? Welcoming inclusion into a family that officially considers us ‘intrinsically disordered?’

And then there was Pope Francis’s interaction with Juan Carlos Cruz — a whistleblower in Chile’s clerical sex abuse scandal.

“He said, ‘Look Juan Carlos, the pope loves you this way. God made you like this and he loves you,'” Cruz told The Associated Press.

Meanwhile the Catholic Church Catechism affirmed, “this inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial.”

Ergo, a behavioral choice.

Therein lies the problem.

LGBTQ people are seen largely as individuals with sinful same sex sexual ‘inclinations.’ So when the pontiff touted ‘the equal dignity of every human being,’ and rebuked Vice President JD Vance with the ‘Good Samaritan’ parable, whereby love ā€œbuilds a fraternity open to all, without exceptionā€ — we are still the exception.

Francis was all also human ā€” having to apologize at one point for using a gay slur. But what of the bigger things like, did he know about the Opus Dei takeover of the U.S. Supreme Court when he chastised Vance about deporting migrants? Did he know that the Archdiocese of Los Angeles agreed to pay $880 million to 1,353 people last October, who allege they were victims of clergy sexual abuse? With a previous payment of $740 million, the total settlement payout will be more than $1.5 billion dollars. Is Leo chipping in to replenish that?

And it’s not over. Earlier this month, Downey Catholic priest Jaime Arriaga, 41, was charged with several counts of child sexual abuse which allegedly happened when he was serving as a transitional deacon at the Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church.

Longtime U.K LGBTQ+ activist Peter Tatchell ā€” who’s campaigned against Catholic homophobia for 58 years — says Pope Francis’ legacy is complicated.  

ā€œI extend my condolences to Catholics worldwide on the passing of Pope Francis. While we often disagreed on issues of LGBTQ rights, I acknowledge his more compassionate tone towards sexual minorities. His recent moves to allow blessings for same-sex couples, albeit with limitations, signaled a small but significant shift in Church doctrine,ā€ Tatchell said in a statement.

ā€œHowever, for millions of LGBT+ people globally, the Catholic Church remains a force for discrimination and suffering. Under his leadership, the Vatican continued to oppose same-sex marriage and trans rights. Catholic bishops lobbied against the decriminalization of homosexuality in many parts of the world. The Vatican still upholds the homophobic edicts of the Catechism, which denounces the sexual expression of same-sex love as a ā€˜grave depravity’ and ā€˜intrinsically disordered.’ Francis’s legacy is, therefore, a mixed one — offering some progress, but leaving deep-rooted inequalities largely intact.

ā€œThe struggle for LGBT+ equalityĀ against a homophobicĀ church must continue. We urge the next Pope to go further — to end the church’s support for discrimination, both within the faith and in the widerĀ society.ā€

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Brad’s Story: An Unexpected Diagnosis

From Boston Qualifier to Heart Transplant Survivor

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Brad Tennis (left) with his husband Drew Roberts.

Brad Tennis loves running. For years, the meditative rhythm of his feet on pavement brought him peace like nothing else could. And it turns out, he was quite good at running as he  even qualified for the Boston Marathon. But while Brad was chasing his goals, unbeknownst to him, his heart was slowly deteriorating.

In November 2018, out of the blue, Brad was diagnosed with arrhythmogenic right ventricular cardiomyopathy or ARVC, a rare heart condition that causes the heart muscle to break down over time. ARVC increases the risk of abnormal heartbeats and chance of sudden cardiac death. Brad was fitted with an internal defibrillator and told he could no longer run. Doctors warned him that endurance exercise would only accelerate the disease.

After processing the news of this condition, Brad felt like himself for a while. But in 2020, he started experiencing Implantable Cardioverter-Defibrillator (ICD) shocks to halt life threatening arrhythmias. Despite numerous surgical and medical interventions, the shocks began to get more frequent. By 2023, the toll of the disease, the ICD shocks and the treatments led to progressing heart failure. By the end of 2023, he was feeling breathless on stairs, having trouble playing physically with his children and finding it difficult to keep up at work. His world was shrinking.

In February 2024, Brad started the process with Johns Hopkins Hospital to be listed for a heart transplant. A couple of weeks later, he had another shock, more testing and then a doctor put him on ECMO (extracorporeal membrane oxygenation), a life support machine that is used when a person’s heart is failing. Soon after, he got the news of a lifetime: ā€œThere’s a heart available and today is the day!ā€

The organ transplant marked the beginning of a new journey. Brad focused on recovery — building up his strength, learning his new body and adjusting to life with a new heart. Last summer, he was cleared to exercise again and is enjoying playing with his kids — something he deeply missed.

“I would never say I’m back to feeling normal. I’m always going to have to carefully manage my stress and my activities to protect my health and my new heart,ā€ said Brad. ā€œBut the transplant was lifesaving and means that I will be there to build a life with my husband and my kids.”

Brad is still moving forward. He and his family are enjoying life again — and he’s even bought a new pair of sneakers with the hope that he’ll be able to return to running regularly.

ā€œOrgan donation and transplant have reopened doors that I had thought were closed forever,ā€ Brad shares. ā€œIt’s given me the chance to be present and have a full, happy life with my husband, son and daughter.ā€

His husband, Drew, adds, ā€œEvery day, I’m reminded of Brad’s strength, resilience and bravery.ā€

Brad doesn’t take this lifesaving gift for granted and is grateful to his organ donor hero. ā€œI think it’s an amazing thing — to give life and give hope. Even in tragedy, someone gave me a gift… a second chance. Everyone can register to be a donor and save lives like Brad’s at infinitelegacy.org. 

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Fight against TERFs goes global

UK Supreme Court on April 17 ruled legal definition of ā€˜woman’ limited to ā€˜biological sex’

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Transgender activists protest in Sheffield, England, on April 19, 2025. (Courtesy photo)

After last week’s U.K. Supreme Court ruling that reduced the legal definition of ā€œwomanā€ to ā€œbiological sex,ā€ footage of a group of women celebrating the decision with champagne spread virally across the media. These women are known as trans-exclusionary radical feminists, or TERFs. 

In response, thousands of transgender people and their allies — including parents, siblings, and pro-trans celebrities — flooded the streets of London, Sheffield, Manchester, Cardiff, and other cities across the U.K. on April 19, to protest the erosion of trans rights. The fight between TERFs and trans* people have become more visible to those outside of the British LGBTQ+ community.

But this isn’t just about the U.K. The problem has gone global. For me, as an openly trans person who has lived in four different countries, it feels deeply personal.

For years, British TERFs have been spreading misinformation about gender around the globe, collaborating with far-right politicians and inspiring anti-trans violence.

At a pro-trans protest I attended in Sheffield, one of the speakers, Sofia Alatorre, a trans woman from Mexico now living in the U.K., dedicated her speech to the ways British TERFs, with their powerful movement supported by celebrities, such as ā€œHarry Potterā€ author JK Rowling, are influencing people in South America.

ā€œWhen I go to Mexico now, I don’t just hear people talking about transsexuals as degenerates anymore. Instead I hear about what bathroom we should use, or whether we belong in sports,ā€ Sofia told the Washington Blade. ā€œThese are not lines that come from Mexico. They are finely crafted narratives designed to drive a wedge by weaponizing ā€˜common sense’ gut reactions to complicated subjects. Because without these, they’d have to face the uncomplicated reality: We are just people trying to live our lives happily. In the U.K., the entire media infrastructure is sympathetic with ā€˜gender critical’ TERF ideology to the point that sympathy blurs into outright support. With these lines finding footing in the Global South, it seems clear that the U.K. has become an exporter of transphobia.ā€

Unfortunately, TERFs even showed up at a trans event, attempting to argue with the speakers. 

One of the trans* organizers of the Sheffield demonstration, who preferred to remain anonymous, expressed their love for the trans* community and trans* people. They emphasized that they are not expressing hatred toward TERFs — they simply want them to reconsider their position.

ā€œIf you’re a TERF and reading this, we don’t hate you,ā€ they said. ā€œWe don’t hate you. There is nothing I hold in my heart but deep pity for you. You do not know the community of love that we have as transsexuals, and you only know your community of hatred. If you are tired of feeling nothing but hate, come and talk to us, we’re nice, I promise. This protest is a rallying cry that we can’t lose, that we are all here for each other, and that we can do whatever the f*ck we want when we work together. We may be out here today in rage, but what keeps us alive is love.ā€

But it doesn’t seem like TERFs are ready to show love toward trans people — or to see trans women as their sisters. At our local protest in Sheffield, they were so agitated, jumping toward speakers and trying to engage with them, that the police had to intervene and remove them to prevent a fight. It reminded me of TERFs’ behavior I encountered in St. Petersburg, Russia, and in Russian-language online spaces.

Unfortunately, it’s not just South America that has been influenced by UK TERFs. The country I currently live in is known within European and U.S. queer communities as ā€œTERF Island.ā€

Some trans Americans even avoid traveling to the U.K., afraid of the influence that Rowling holds over millions due to her wealth and cultural impact.

In Russia, Ukraine, and other Eastern European countries, so-called ā€œradical feminismā€ is the most prominent feminist movement. Radical feminism, which emerged in the 1960s, is based on the belief that patriarchy is the root of all other forms of oppression.

In modern Eastern Europe, this has led to a situation where many feminists fail to acknowledge racism, ableism, and transphobia — excluding everyone except cisgender people, Slavic, atheist, and able-bodied people from their movement. Historically, radical feminists have not focused much on the trans* community, but with the rise of trans* activism in the 2000s, many became fixated on targeting trans people.

Many of my Russian-speaking trans friends have been badly bullied by local TERFs. Some even experienced suicidal thoughts and severe anxiety due to online harassment from them. And these TERFs weren’t developing their ideology locally — they were importing it. The anti-man rhetoric was inherited from American prominent radical feminists like Andrea Dworkin and Ti-Grace Atkinson, while the transphobic elements were ā€œexportedā€ to Eastern Europe, primarily from the U.K. and specifically Scotland.

Even before Rowling, there was Magdalen Berns, a Scottish TERF YouTuber who was extremely popular among Russian girls and women. It was Berns who helped bring Rowling into anti-trans activism.

I spoke with Sophie Molly, a Scottish trans activist and politician who ran as an Independent MP candidate in the 2024 U.K. general election for the Aberdeen South constituency. 

TERFs ruthlessly harassed her during her campaign.

ā€œTransphobia is institutionalized in the UK. It is systemic and it’s getting worse with each passing dayā€ she told me. ā€œLocal TERF have a slew of legal professionals on their team too. Like Sarah Phillimore and Joanne Cherry. TERFs have been continually lobbying the government to oppress trans and gender non-conforming people. Dragging their rights and freedoms through the courts. All under the pretense of protecting the rights of women. In reality these conservative groups are backed and funded by billionaires. Billionaires that want to remove trans people from public life, due a personal prejudice they hold. The majority of TERFs are wealthy and privileged white women. Most of them are not LGBTQIA+. They have obscene amounts of money to spend on persecuting a tiny minority. Trans women are women — no matter what the U.K. Supreme Court dictates.ā€

But another problem of TERFs is that they are policing women as well. Even the Supreme Court decision targeted women.

ā€œThe [Supreme Court] decision is an attack on the rights of both trans people and women,ā€ Sophie said. ā€œIt reduces women to their anatomy, which is extremely regressive and misogynistic in my opinionā€

Women for decades have fought to ensure their lives wouldn’t be defined by the sexual organs they were born with. TERFs are now doing exactly that — attempting to reduce womanhood to biology, while also dictating how women should behave, all in the name of ā€œsisterhood.ā€

Modern British TERFs have received support from figures like musician, far-right influencer, and convicted murderer Varg Vikernes, as well as ultra-conservative organizations such as the Russian Orthodox Church, an institution notorious not only for justifying the war in Ukraine with homophobic rhetoric but also for its long history of opposing women’s rights. This kind of ā€œfeminismā€ is a global threat, not only to trans* people but also to girls and women everywhere.

Editor’s note: The author uses trans* in order to be inclusive of nonbinary and gender queer people.

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