Living
Desperate desires?
Many singles want to find romance, but appearing too eager can thwart your efforts

Itās important when searching for love to not give off a sense of desperation ā approaching it that way is setting yourself up for failure.
Weāre not judging ā many of us have been there. But the way you go about it can make all the difference.
Itās an easy trap to fall into. Many of us have craved ardently for a good relationship and felt like all our friends are joined up. But this is one time where drastic situations should not call for drastic measures. Think about why you feel you need someone so badly. Is there a void youāre trying to fill? Do you really want to be in a committed relationship or are you just looking to fit someone into the ideal mold of a relationship you so badly crave? If so, this is the wrong reason to be looking.
Even if youāre not feeling desperate, navigating the waters of dating is challenging. You may not realize that the look on your face might be the āpuppy dogā look, which few people find attractive. Hitting the bar or LGBT networking circuit with this look usually turns potential daters into missed opportunities. Some more immature singles might go as far as to try and sabotage friendsā relationships so they arenāt the only one single, and again, work against their true goal of finding a mate.
Hereās the scenario: You start ācruisingā the bar, looking for that special someone, who might be attractive or pay you a couple minutes of attention. From an outside perspective, itās a bit creepy seeing someone lurking around every corner, checking out every well-dressed lady/gent. You finally see someone who catches your eye. What happens when you actually approach him? The look of desperation shows on our face and in your mannerisms ā not cute. Do you slur your words because you are drunk, perhaps self-medicating and feeling sorry for yourself? Hopefully not, but unfortunately many have made this mistake. Take a deep breath, relax, and reevaluate your dating goals ā to which extent are you going to find a serious relationship?Ā Ā Timing has a lot to do with dating. Be proactive and do something different ā if the bar scene hasnāt worked for you yet, it certainly wonāt now.
Maybe you arenāt the bar scene type, so take it to the next level and begin dating online. This can be time consuming for most professionals, but writing how amazing you are and describing your positive qualities āon paperā might be a good confidence boost. Desperate singles might write a profile about how they are a hopeless romantic or are the type to ālove the little things in life,ā but this can read like a cry for help. āSelling yourselfā online is very hard for many people to do. Solution? Have friends help write your online dating profile. They know you best and can describe you from a genuine perspective. Too shy to ask a friend for help? We know of a few agencies that will assist you in writing an online profile for you.
If you think you might be desperate in your relationship search and are considering hiring a matchmaker or personal dating coach, there are a few things to consider first. For starters, why are you feeling desperate?Ā Ā What is your true level of self-confidence? Why is a relationship important to you? Modeling your own goals after what friends or family want for you may not be the right path.
Break down your true goals and feelings about your future relationship with your dating coach. Any professional in our industry understands how hard dating can be, so be direct and open and donāt put up a tough front just to appear that you donāt need help. We want nothing more than for you to succeed but we canāt help you reach your goals without honesty and true self-evaluation.
As matchmakers and being in the business of helping people fall in love, we know that unless you are ready to let go of control and be open to experiencing the process in āmature dating,ā you wonāt be successful.Ā Ā Everyone wants to find love, but we have been doing this long enough to know that desperate daters are usually the people who will take much longer to find their special someone.
A good first step in getting over your desperation is not to point fingers at everyone else because you are single. You canāt love someone else if you donāt love yourself. Self-confidence is a very attractive quality.Ā Ā Desperation screams insecurity. Step up to the plate, take a look in the mirror and see if you are ready to do the work to meet that special someone.
Specific question or need advice? Email us atĀ [email protected]Ā or follow us on Twitter @MegNovinskie @KimRosenbergDC.
Real Estate
Spring updates to sell your home for pride and profit
Consider new landscaping, power washing, creative staging

Selling a home is a big deal for anyone, but for members of the LGBTQ+ community, it comes with unique considerationsāfrom finding affirming professionals to ensuring your home is represented in a way that reflects your values. Whether youāre a first-time gay home seller or a seasoned LGBTQ+ homeowner looking to move up, maximizing your homeās value is key to a successful and empowering sale.
Hereās how to prepare your home, your mindset, and your real estate strategy to get the most valueāfinancially and emotionallyāfrom your home sale.
1. Start with an LGBTQ+-Friendly Real Estate Agent
Before diving into renovations or staging, make sure your agent truly understands your needs. A gay-friendly or LGBTQ+-affirming real estate agent brings more than just market expertiseāthey bring cultural competence, safety awareness, and a network that supports you throughout the selling process.
At GayRealEstate.com, you can find experienced, vetted LGBTQ+ real estate agents who have been proudly serving the community for over 30 years. Working with someone who shares or supports your identity ensures your selling journey is respectful, inclusive, and effective.
2. Enhance Curb AppealāWith a Welcoming Vibe
The outside of your home is the first impression a potential buyer gets. Make it countāespecially for LGBTQ+ buyers looking for a home that feels safe and welcoming.
- Fresh landscaping: Add colorful flowers, neatly trimmed shrubs, or low-maintenance greenery to appeal to eco-conscious buyers.
- Update the entrance: A new front door, stylish lighting, or even a rainbow doormat can make your home feel like a safe space from the start.
- Clean and repair: Power wash the exterior, touch up paint, and make any necessary repairs to gutters, windows, or siding.
3. Stage with Intention and Inclusivity
Home staging can add thousands to your sale price. But beyond the usual decluttering and neutral palettes, think about how your space tells a storyāand who itās telling it to.
- Create a warm, inclusive feel: Subtle touches like LGBTQ+ art, books, or even coffee table magazines can show off your personality and affirm the space for queer buyers.
- Depersonalizeābut donāt erase: You donāt need to hide your identity to appeal to buyers. Let your home feel lived in and lovedāwhile still being a blank canvas others can imagine themselves in.
- Highlight multi-use areas: Home offices, gender-neutral nurseries, or flex spaces resonate with LGBTQ+ families and professionals.
4. Update Kitchens and Bathrooms Strategically
These rooms matter most to buyersāand even small updates can yield big returns.
- Kitchen: New cabinet hardware, a fresh backsplash, and modern lighting can elevate the entire room without a full remodel.
- Bathroom: Replace old fixtures, re-caulk tubs and sinks, and add plush towels and inclusive dƩcor.
- Energy-efficient upgrades: Touchless faucets, smart appliances, or low-flow toilets are not only trendyāthey signal sustainability, which matters to LGBTQ+ buyers.
5. Make Your Home More Energy Efficient
LGBTQ+ homebuyers often prioritize sustainability. These updates not only reduce energy bills but make your home more marketable.
- Install a smart thermostat (like Nest or Ecobee)
- Upgrade insulation or windows
- Consider solar panels (especially in sun-drenched regions like California or Florida)
Bonus: You may qualify for state or federal tax credits, which can be a great selling point.
6. Know and Advocate for LGBTQ+ Housing Rights
Although housing discrimination is illegal under the Fair Housing Act, it still happens. As an LGBTQ+ seller, be aware of your rightsāand those of potential buyers.
- Avoid steering or bias: Even with good intentions, make sure youāre not inadvertently influencing who views or buys your home based on identity.
- Work with affirming professionals: From inspectors to lenders, choose partners who support inclusive practices.
- Report discrimination: If you or a buyer encounters bias, report it to HUD or your local housing authority.
7. Price Your Home Rightāand Market It Smartly
Setting the right price is essential to maximizing value. Your LGBTQ+-friendly agent can run a comparative market analysis, considering current trends and buyer demographics.
- Leverage LGBTQ+ real estate networks: Promote your home through platforms like GayRealEstate.com to reach an audience that understands and values your space.
- Use inclusive language in listings: Avoid gendered terms or heteronormative assumptions. Instead of “his and hers closets,” use “dual walk-ins” or “double closets.”
- High-quality photos and video tours: Showcase your home with professional, visually inclusive marketing that appeals to diverse buyers.
8. Consider Timing and Local LGBTQ+ Trends
Selling during WorldPride or just before local LGBTQ+ events may boost visibility. Also consider if you’re in or near an LGBTQ+ friendly city or neighborhood.
Not sure which areas are top destinations? GayRelocation.com tracks and shares the best cities for LGBTQ+ homebuyers, helping you tap into motivated buyers.
Final Thought: Sell with Confidenceāand Community
Selling your home isnāt just about getting top dollarāitās about closing a chapter with pride and integrity. When you center your values, work with LGBTQ+ affirming experts, and prepare your home with purpose, youāre not just maximizing your homeās valueāyouāre creating an empowering experience for yourself and the next owner.
Whether you’re buying, selling, or bothāGayRealEstate.com is your trusted partner in every step of your journey. With a nationwide network of gay and lesbian realtors, decades of experience, and deep community ties, we ensure your home transition is safe, smart, and full of pride.
GayRealEstate.com is the nationās leading online platform connecting LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers with LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agents, ensuring a safe and supportive experience.
Scott Helms is president of GayRealEstate.com. To find an agent or learn more, visitĀ GayRealEstate.com, GayRelocation.com or call 1-888-420-MOVE.
Real Estate
Navigating DMV real estate market during political unrest
Reductions in federal employment have introduced uncertainties

The Washington, D.C.-Maryland-Virginia (DMV) region has long been recognized for its robust housing market, underpinned by the presence of the federal government and a diverse economic landscape. Recent massive reductions in federal employment have introduced uncertainties, yet the area continues to offer compelling reasons for prospective homebuyers, particularly within diverse communities.
While the federal government has traditionally been a significant employer in the DMV, the region has proactively diversified its economic base. Sectors such as technology, professional services, education, and healthcare have expanded, mitigating the impact of federal job cuts. This diversification fosters some economic resilience, which offers our area a semblance of protection against the impending unknowns that we currently face. Nothing can shield real estate entirely; however, our area tends to survive these types of changes better than other parts of the country.
Despite concerns over federal layoffs, the DMV housing market has demonstrated notable stability. Analyses indicate that the number of active listings, sold properties, and median sales prices have remained steady on a year-over-year basis. This steadiness suggests that the market is adapting to changes without significant disruption.
Furthermore, while there has been a slight increase in home listings, this trend aligns with typical seasonal variations and does not solely reflect federal employment changes. The luxury property segment, in particular, continues to thrive, indicating sustained interest and investment in the region.
The DMV region is renowned for its cultural and demographic diversity, with areas like Montgomery County, Md., being among the most ethnically diverse in the nation. This inclusivity extends to various communities, including LGBTQ individuals, fostering a welcoming environment that enhances the areaās appeal. Even though the current administration is fostering anti-diversity ideology, I remain confident that our LGBTQ community will continue to thrive even as these destructive forces work against us.
Local governments within the DMV have implemented policies aimed at promoting affordable housing and preventing displacement, particularly in the wake of economic shifts. Initiatives like the Douglass Community Land Trust in Washington, D.C., exemplify efforts to maintain housing affordability and support community stability.
Additionally, jurisdictions such as Montgomery County have longstanding Moderately Priced Dwelling Unit (MPDU) programs that require developers to include affordable housing in new residential developments. These policies contribute to socioeconomically mixed neighborhoods, benefiting diverse populations.
Despite Elon Muskās brandishing of a chainsaw to the federal workforce, our real estate market continues to thrive. The DMV region maintains its appeal. Economic diversification, market stability, commitment to diversity and inclusion, and progressive housing policies collectively contribute to an environment that supports and attracts diverse communities. Prospective homebuyers can find reassurance in the regionās resilience and ongoing efforts to foster an inclusive and vibrant community. These are only a few among the many reasons to have a positive outlook while considering real estate options in our area.
It is important to consider working with brokerages, brokers, agents, lenders and title companies who align with our community and our objectives. Not all LGBTQ agents work for brokerages that support or understand the needs of the members of our community. Do your research and find out who has donated money to what political causes. Now more than ever we must support members of our community to protect our way of life and our very existence.
Stacey Williams-Zeiger is president/principal broker of Zeiger Realty Inc. Reach her at [email protected].

Hi Michael,
When I came to D.C. for college and came out, I was idealistic about finding true love. I made gay friends at school and watched them hooking up all the time.
It seemed like the opposite of what I wanted. I dreamed of meeting āPrince Charmingā and living happily ever after. I thought I would put off sex until I met my special guy.
This went on for a while until I got too horny and impatient to keep putting off sex. The boyfriend wasnāt materializing so I went online and hooked up. Actually it was a lot of fun.
Soon I was hooking up as much as any of my friends were. I kept hoping Iād still find my prince.Ā But over time most of my energy shifted to finding guys to have sex with.
Now Iām 34. Iāve been at this a long time and I realized the other day that I donāt like my life.
I havenāt been on a real date in years but Iām hooking up multiple times a week. Iāve been with almost everyone I see on the apps whom I find attractive (where the feeling was mutual). And yes, Iāve been with a lot whom I didnāt find attractive because I was horny.
I look at myself and I think, yuk. I donāt like whom Iāve become.
I feel like I am addicted to hooking up. I just keep craving something. The release but mostly the attention, that the other person finds me hot. After I come, I feel like the whole thing was pointless, and a little disgusted with myself. Advice?
Michael replies:
Youāre using hookups not just for sex, but as a way to feel good about yourself by getting positive attention from others. Ā
But other-validation is like junk food, a sugary snack that staves off hunger for a few minutes and never really fills you up. All those guys you hook up with? The attention feels great, but as you wrote, that feeling lasts until your orgasm. And then youāre back to chasing it.
As with junk food, the other-validation you get when you hook up is a lot of empty calories. Having someone you donāt even know agree to have sex with you says nothing meaningful about your worth or even your attractiveness.Ā
Yet another problem: If you believe that you need other-validation, you will do all sorts of self-damaging behaviors to get itāsuch as hookups that leave you feeling empty and disgusted.Ā Iāve seen many people lose their self-respect in the service of getting other peopleās positive attention through behaviors that violate their own integrity. Doing things that make you feel bad about yourself in an attempt to feel good about yourself is ironic, and sad. Ā
The bottom line is that other people canāt āmakeā you feel good about yourself. Ā They might give you a small temporary boost, but your self-esteem actually has to come from you. Thatās why itās called self-esteem. Once you are past a certain age, if you donāt believe that you have value, no one else can get you there. You have to validate yourself.
Letās go big-picture for a moment: It is our parentsā job to teach us that we have value when we are little, and when that doesnāt happen, we often struggle with self-esteem throughout our lives, unless we can find a path to develop our own belief in our worth. In the meantime, we may chase other-validation in a futile attempt to fill ourselves up.
Other experiences we go throughāfor example, growing up gay in a hostile environmentācan also do a number on how we see ourselves, and leave us grasping for affirmation from others. It takes work to get through and get past the impact of these experiences.
So how do you get better at giving yourself the validation you are seeking? Thereās a great saying from the 12-step programs: If you want to have self-esteem, behave in esteemable ways.Ā
What would it mean for you to behave in a way that you respect? Your letter provides one answer that is true for you: Stop engaging in sexual encounters that leave you disliking yourself.
Far easier said than done, right? But that doesnāt mean itās impossible. Having gotten clarity that you donāt like the life youāve constructed for yourself, now you actually can do something about it. Keep in mind, though, that you will face some challenges if you stop hooking up.
First: You may find it isolating and scary to stop doing something that all or most of your friends are doing. You will have to reassure yourself that youāre doing whatās right for you; that you are taking good care of yourself by choosing to avoid behaviors that leave you feeling bad; and that itās OK to be different from āeveryone else.ā In other words, you are going to have to get much better at self-validation.
If you have some friends who donāt spend a lot of their time hooking up, they may be good supports for you. Some guys find camaraderie from attending a 12-step program like Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA).
Second: People often use hookups (and sex) not just for sexual gratification, but to soothe anxiety, stress, depression, and other uncomfortable feelings. If you stop hooking up, you will likely need some other ways to keep yourself calm and to steady your mood. Exercise and meditation are two obvious means.
Youād be wise to figure out new ways to fill your time that give you a sense of meaning and connection. I canāt tell you what those might be; only you can figure out what is right for you. They might include developing or deepening warm friendships, taking good care of yourself, finding a new activity that interests you ā the list can go on and on.
If you still want to find your prince, this is the way to go about it. The clichĆ© is true: You canāt expect anyone to like you unless you like yourself. If you build a life rich in fulfilling pursuits that help you to feel good about who you are and the life you are leading, you will be transforming yourself into relationship material.
Keep in mind, though, that letting yourself get close to someone through a heart connection would mean having to confront all sorts of uncomfortable emotions, including feeling vulnerable, that you have avoided by limiting yourself to crotch attachments.
That said, working to become a more solid person would help you develop the strength to tolerate the ongoing challenges of a close relationship.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online atĀ michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it toĀ [email protected].
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