Living
Text and subtext
Avoid the urge to rely on messages to communicate in a new relationship

We were interviewed last week on a popular radio show in Los Angeles and one of the topics discussed was how technology has changed dating in the modern world.
This is an issue we see often with our clients in that some singles hide behind their computer screens or smartphones when unsure of how to pursue a new relationship effectively. Navigating the dating rules in this day and age can be confusing, so we hope to shed light on the topic and help others understand when and how technology can ruin the dating game.
Clients and other singles misuse texting as a way of effective communication. Texting is easy and can be done on the go, between meetings or while ordering a coffee. It seems this would be a great way to reply to someone you are dating because of how efficient it is, but itās actually a terrible way to communicate, for a number of reasons.
Text messages can so easily be misunderstood and daters could potentially spend hours analyzing one text that could have multiple meanings. Tone is so important when communicating and this simply cannot be expressed over text message. As we all know, great communication is the key to a successful relationship, so why rely on your message getting misunderstood by texting? This, unfortunately, is the way many singles tell their mates theyāre not interested, by being passive aggressive and saying they ādidnāt get your textāĀ and letting the new relationship slip off to the side.
Breaking up over text message makes one look as if (s)he didnāt care enough about the other person to even give the courtesy of picking up the phone to say that the relationship isnāt working. Itās immature. Texting can be used in dating when confirming a place/time to meet or to confirm a time to speak on the phone and thatās pretty much it. Donāt forget the old fashioned way of dating ā pick up the phone and ask someone out, see how their day is, plan a date together. Engaging in conversation builds a bond, so donāt cop out and text your way through your new relationship.
The success of online dating sites has had a huge influence on how singles navigate new relationships.Ā Dating online can be great for many ā anyone can set up a profile, peruse the site for matches and have a date within days (or hours, with some websites or smartphone applications). This is an efficient way for someone to get out there who hasnāt dated in a long time ā going on a lot of online dates can be great practice and help those new to dating get their feet wet. But a huge problem exists, besides of the lack of second dates many people experience when dating online.
People often hide behind their profiles, literally and figuratively. Some profiles online are just that ā online only to engage others over email or just so they can view other singles on the site. Others set up profiles that arenāt fully true, whether they upload a 10-year-old photo or unfortunately brag about what they have to offer a partner (which could also be totally false). Some set up profiles that describe how they perceive themselves and itās not who they really are at their core.
Itās easy to hide behind your computer, however those truly interested in dating and finding a long-term relationship suffer from the lack of accountability of many online daters. Another issue with dating online is that āthe grass is always greenerā syndrome is extremely prevalent in the minds of online daters and itās hard to tell who is really relationship ready. How to avoid this? Consider getting yourself out there in the community to date, join new groups or work with a dating coach. Dating online can be successful for many, but be weary of who is actually lurking behind the screen.
Remember, get back to basics. Dating is much easier when there is more face-to-face interaction. Call, donāt text. Engage your date, donāt Google her/him. Donāt let technology block you from establishing a lasting connection.
Novinskie and Rosenberg can be reached at [email protected] or at Facebook at facebook.com/mixology.
Real Estate
Spring updates to sell your home for pride and profit
Consider new landscaping, power washing, creative staging

Selling a home is a big deal for anyone, but for members of the LGBTQ+ community, it comes with unique considerationsāfrom finding affirming professionals to ensuring your home is represented in a way that reflects your values. Whether youāre a first-time gay home seller or a seasoned LGBTQ+ homeowner looking to move up, maximizing your homeās value is key to a successful and empowering sale.
Hereās how to prepare your home, your mindset, and your real estate strategy to get the most valueāfinancially and emotionallyāfrom your home sale.
1. Start with an LGBTQ+-Friendly Real Estate Agent
Before diving into renovations or staging, make sure your agent truly understands your needs. A gay-friendly or LGBTQ+-affirming real estate agent brings more than just market expertiseāthey bring cultural competence, safety awareness, and a network that supports you throughout the selling process.
At GayRealEstate.com, you can find experienced, vetted LGBTQ+ real estate agents who have been proudly serving the community for over 30 years. Working with someone who shares or supports your identity ensures your selling journey is respectful, inclusive, and effective.
2. Enhance Curb AppealāWith a Welcoming Vibe
The outside of your home is the first impression a potential buyer gets. Make it countāespecially for LGBTQ+ buyers looking for a home that feels safe and welcoming.
- Fresh landscaping: Add colorful flowers, neatly trimmed shrubs, or low-maintenance greenery to appeal to eco-conscious buyers.
- Update the entrance: A new front door, stylish lighting, or even a rainbow doormat can make your home feel like a safe space from the start.
- Clean and repair: Power wash the exterior, touch up paint, and make any necessary repairs to gutters, windows, or siding.
3. Stage with Intention and Inclusivity
Home staging can add thousands to your sale price. But beyond the usual decluttering and neutral palettes, think about how your space tells a storyāand who itās telling it to.
- Create a warm, inclusive feel: Subtle touches like LGBTQ+ art, books, or even coffee table magazines can show off your personality and affirm the space for queer buyers.
- Depersonalizeābut donāt erase: You donāt need to hide your identity to appeal to buyers. Let your home feel lived in and lovedāwhile still being a blank canvas others can imagine themselves in.
- Highlight multi-use areas: Home offices, gender-neutral nurseries, or flex spaces resonate with LGBTQ+ families and professionals.
4. Update Kitchens and Bathrooms Strategically
These rooms matter most to buyersāand even small updates can yield big returns.
- Kitchen: New cabinet hardware, a fresh backsplash, and modern lighting can elevate the entire room without a full remodel.
- Bathroom: Replace old fixtures, re-caulk tubs and sinks, and add plush towels and inclusive dƩcor.
- Energy-efficient upgrades: Touchless faucets, smart appliances, or low-flow toilets are not only trendyāthey signal sustainability, which matters to LGBTQ+ buyers.
5. Make Your Home More Energy Efficient
LGBTQ+ homebuyers often prioritize sustainability. These updates not only reduce energy bills but make your home more marketable.
- Install a smart thermostat (like Nest or Ecobee)
- Upgrade insulation or windows
- Consider solar panels (especially in sun-drenched regions like California or Florida)
Bonus: You may qualify for state or federal tax credits, which can be a great selling point.
6. Know and Advocate for LGBTQ+ Housing Rights
Although housing discrimination is illegal under the Fair Housing Act, it still happens. As an LGBTQ+ seller, be aware of your rightsāand those of potential buyers.
- Avoid steering or bias: Even with good intentions, make sure youāre not inadvertently influencing who views or buys your home based on identity.
- Work with affirming professionals: From inspectors to lenders, choose partners who support inclusive practices.
- Report discrimination: If you or a buyer encounters bias, report it to HUD or your local housing authority.
7. Price Your Home Rightāand Market It Smartly
Setting the right price is essential to maximizing value. Your LGBTQ+-friendly agent can run a comparative market analysis, considering current trends and buyer demographics.
- Leverage LGBTQ+ real estate networks: Promote your home through platforms like GayRealEstate.com to reach an audience that understands and values your space.
- Use inclusive language in listings: Avoid gendered terms or heteronormative assumptions. Instead of “his and hers closets,” use “dual walk-ins” or “double closets.”
- High-quality photos and video tours: Showcase your home with professional, visually inclusive marketing that appeals to diverse buyers.
8. Consider Timing and Local LGBTQ+ Trends
Selling during WorldPride or just before local LGBTQ+ events may boost visibility. Also consider if you’re in or near an LGBTQ+ friendly city or neighborhood.
Not sure which areas are top destinations? GayRelocation.com tracks and shares the best cities for LGBTQ+ homebuyers, helping you tap into motivated buyers.
Final Thought: Sell with Confidenceāand Community
Selling your home isnāt just about getting top dollarāitās about closing a chapter with pride and integrity. When you center your values, work with LGBTQ+ affirming experts, and prepare your home with purpose, youāre not just maximizing your homeās valueāyouāre creating an empowering experience for yourself and the next owner.
Whether you’re buying, selling, or bothāGayRealEstate.com is your trusted partner in every step of your journey. With a nationwide network of gay and lesbian realtors, decades of experience, and deep community ties, we ensure your home transition is safe, smart, and full of pride.
GayRealEstate.com is the nationās leading online platform connecting LGBTQ+ home buyers and sellers with LGBTQ+ friendly real estate agents, ensuring a safe and supportive experience.
Scott Helms is president of GayRealEstate.com. To find an agent or learn more, visitĀ GayRealEstate.com, GayRelocation.com or call 1-888-420-MOVE.
Real Estate
Navigating DMV real estate market during political unrest
Reductions in federal employment have introduced uncertainties

The Washington, D.C.-Maryland-Virginia (DMV) region has long been recognized for its robust housing market, underpinned by the presence of the federal government and a diverse economic landscape. Recent massive reductions in federal employment have introduced uncertainties, yet the area continues to offer compelling reasons for prospective homebuyers, particularly within diverse communities.
While the federal government has traditionally been a significant employer in the DMV, the region has proactively diversified its economic base. Sectors such as technology, professional services, education, and healthcare have expanded, mitigating the impact of federal job cuts. This diversification fosters some economic resilience, which offers our area a semblance of protection against the impending unknowns that we currently face. Nothing can shield real estate entirely; however, our area tends to survive these types of changes better than other parts of the country.
Despite concerns over federal layoffs, the DMV housing market has demonstrated notable stability. Analyses indicate that the number of active listings, sold properties, and median sales prices have remained steady on a year-over-year basis. This steadiness suggests that the market is adapting to changes without significant disruption.
Furthermore, while there has been a slight increase in home listings, this trend aligns with typical seasonal variations and does not solely reflect federal employment changes. The luxury property segment, in particular, continues to thrive, indicating sustained interest and investment in the region.
The DMV region is renowned for its cultural and demographic diversity, with areas like Montgomery County, Md., being among the most ethnically diverse in the nation. This inclusivity extends to various communities, including LGBTQ individuals, fostering a welcoming environment that enhances the areaās appeal. Even though the current administration is fostering anti-diversity ideology, I remain confident that our LGBTQ community will continue to thrive even as these destructive forces work against us.
Local governments within the DMV have implemented policies aimed at promoting affordable housing and preventing displacement, particularly in the wake of economic shifts. Initiatives like the Douglass Community Land Trust in Washington, D.C., exemplify efforts to maintain housing affordability and support community stability.
Additionally, jurisdictions such as Montgomery County have longstanding Moderately Priced Dwelling Unit (MPDU) programs that require developers to include affordable housing in new residential developments. These policies contribute to socioeconomically mixed neighborhoods, benefiting diverse populations.
Despite Elon Muskās brandishing of a chainsaw to the federal workforce, our real estate market continues to thrive. The DMV region maintains its appeal. Economic diversification, market stability, commitment to diversity and inclusion, and progressive housing policies collectively contribute to an environment that supports and attracts diverse communities. Prospective homebuyers can find reassurance in the regionās resilience and ongoing efforts to foster an inclusive and vibrant community. These are only a few among the many reasons to have a positive outlook while considering real estate options in our area.
It is important to consider working with brokerages, brokers, agents, lenders and title companies who align with our community and our objectives. Not all LGBTQ agents work for brokerages that support or understand the needs of the members of our community. Do your research and find out who has donated money to what political causes. Now more than ever we must support members of our community to protect our way of life and our very existence.
Stacey Williams-Zeiger is president/principal broker of Zeiger Realty Inc. Reach her at [email protected].

Hi Michael,
When I came to D.C. for college and came out, I was idealistic about finding true love. I made gay friends at school and watched them hooking up all the time.
It seemed like the opposite of what I wanted. I dreamed of meeting āPrince Charmingā and living happily ever after. I thought I would put off sex until I met my special guy.
This went on for a while until I got too horny and impatient to keep putting off sex. The boyfriend wasnāt materializing so I went online and hooked up. Actually it was a lot of fun.
Soon I was hooking up as much as any of my friends were. I kept hoping Iād still find my prince.Ā But over time most of my energy shifted to finding guys to have sex with.
Now Iām 34. Iāve been at this a long time and I realized the other day that I donāt like my life.
I havenāt been on a real date in years but Iām hooking up multiple times a week. Iāve been with almost everyone I see on the apps whom I find attractive (where the feeling was mutual). And yes, Iāve been with a lot whom I didnāt find attractive because I was horny.
I look at myself and I think, yuk. I donāt like whom Iāve become.
I feel like I am addicted to hooking up. I just keep craving something. The release but mostly the attention, that the other person finds me hot. After I come, I feel like the whole thing was pointless, and a little disgusted with myself. Advice?
Michael replies:
Youāre using hookups not just for sex, but as a way to feel good about yourself by getting positive attention from others. Ā
But other-validation is like junk food, a sugary snack that staves off hunger for a few minutes and never really fills you up. All those guys you hook up with? The attention feels great, but as you wrote, that feeling lasts until your orgasm. And then youāre back to chasing it.
As with junk food, the other-validation you get when you hook up is a lot of empty calories. Having someone you donāt even know agree to have sex with you says nothing meaningful about your worth or even your attractiveness.Ā
Yet another problem: If you believe that you need other-validation, you will do all sorts of self-damaging behaviors to get itāsuch as hookups that leave you feeling empty and disgusted.Ā Iāve seen many people lose their self-respect in the service of getting other peopleās positive attention through behaviors that violate their own integrity. Doing things that make you feel bad about yourself in an attempt to feel good about yourself is ironic, and sad. Ā
The bottom line is that other people canāt āmakeā you feel good about yourself. Ā They might give you a small temporary boost, but your self-esteem actually has to come from you. Thatās why itās called self-esteem. Once you are past a certain age, if you donāt believe that you have value, no one else can get you there. You have to validate yourself.
Letās go big-picture for a moment: It is our parentsā job to teach us that we have value when we are little, and when that doesnāt happen, we often struggle with self-esteem throughout our lives, unless we can find a path to develop our own belief in our worth. In the meantime, we may chase other-validation in a futile attempt to fill ourselves up.
Other experiences we go throughāfor example, growing up gay in a hostile environmentācan also do a number on how we see ourselves, and leave us grasping for affirmation from others. It takes work to get through and get past the impact of these experiences.
So how do you get better at giving yourself the validation you are seeking? Thereās a great saying from the 12-step programs: If you want to have self-esteem, behave in esteemable ways.Ā
What would it mean for you to behave in a way that you respect? Your letter provides one answer that is true for you: Stop engaging in sexual encounters that leave you disliking yourself.
Far easier said than done, right? But that doesnāt mean itās impossible. Having gotten clarity that you donāt like the life youāve constructed for yourself, now you actually can do something about it. Keep in mind, though, that you will face some challenges if you stop hooking up.
First: You may find it isolating and scary to stop doing something that all or most of your friends are doing. You will have to reassure yourself that youāre doing whatās right for you; that you are taking good care of yourself by choosing to avoid behaviors that leave you feeling bad; and that itās OK to be different from āeveryone else.ā In other words, you are going to have to get much better at self-validation.
If you have some friends who donāt spend a lot of their time hooking up, they may be good supports for you. Some guys find camaraderie from attending a 12-step program like Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA).
Second: People often use hookups (and sex) not just for sexual gratification, but to soothe anxiety, stress, depression, and other uncomfortable feelings. If you stop hooking up, you will likely need some other ways to keep yourself calm and to steady your mood. Exercise and meditation are two obvious means.
Youād be wise to figure out new ways to fill your time that give you a sense of meaning and connection. I canāt tell you what those might be; only you can figure out what is right for you. They might include developing or deepening warm friendships, taking good care of yourself, finding a new activity that interests you ā the list can go on and on.
If you still want to find your prince, this is the way to go about it. The clichĆ© is true: You canāt expect anyone to like you unless you like yourself. If you build a life rich in fulfilling pursuits that help you to feel good about who you are and the life you are leading, you will be transforming yourself into relationship material.
Keep in mind, though, that letting yourself get close to someone through a heart connection would mean having to confront all sorts of uncomfortable emotions, including feeling vulnerable, that you have avoided by limiting yourself to crotch attachments.
That said, working to become a more solid person would help you develop the strength to tolerate the ongoing challenges of a close relationship.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online atĀ michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it toĀ [email protected].
-
El Salvador4 days ago
Gay Venezuelan makeup artist remains in El Salvador mega prison
-
State Department3 days ago
HIV/AIDS activists protest at State Department, demand full PEPFAR funding restoration
-
Brazil3 days ago
US lists transgender Brazilian congresswoman’s gender as ‘male’ on visa
-
District of Columbia4 days ago
Two charged with assaulting, robbing gay man at D.C. CVS store