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Queery: DJ Rosie Hicks

The popular lesbian MC on teaching, her kids, and filling the floor

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Rosie Hicks, DJ Rosie, Queery, gay news, Washington Blade
Rosie Hicks, DJ Rosie, Queery, gay news, Washington Blade

Rosie Hicks (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

Sleep experts say some people just need less sleep than others. DJ Rosie Hicks must be one of those — her toughest night is Thursday when she does hip-hop night at Club Hippo in Baltimore until 2 a.m., then has to be at work at 7:30 a.m. teaching special ed at one of the Kennedy Krieger schools.

For years she DJ’ed on both Thursday and Friday nights but only does one Friday night a month now.

ā€œI don’t know, I just do it,ā€ she says. ā€œI’m used to it at this point. I’m fortunate I love both my jobs so I just go into it knowing I’m going to be a little more tired on Fridays.ā€

Hicks started spinning at Gallagher’s, a former women’s bar in Baltimore about 12 years ago. She was there one night when the manager fired the DJ and told the patrons they would have to provide their own music that night.

ā€œI got hired that night,ā€ Hicks says. ā€œBy the end of the night, all my friends were calling me DJ Rosie. I had never DJ’ed a day in my life.ā€

And she never stopped — in addition to her Hippo gig, she also has monthly nights at Cobalt (she’s spun for LURe since it started) and Phase 1 of Dupont in Washington. She also does weddings, parties and private events. Listen for her at the Her HRC event Sunday from 6-11 p.m. upstairs at Town (2009 8th St., N.W.). Her set is at 10 p.m. She’ll face off with lesbian DJs from Philadelphia, Boston and Washington. Tickets are available at the door or online. The event has its own page at hrc.org.

Hicks, who spins a mix of hip-hop, R&B, pop and more depending on the event, says she just all-around loves music.

ā€œI love making people happy out there,ā€ the 30-year-old Baltimore native says. ā€œThe whole point of coming out to a bar or club to hear a DJ is to let go of worries and cares and enjoy it.ā€

Hicks has lived in Baltimore her whole life except for a brief stint in Cincinnati in 2007. She lives in Hamilton, the same East Baltimore neighborhood in which she grew up. She and long-time partner Kris got married after five years together last fall. Together they’re raising daughters Khenna, 8, and Jaidenne, 11 (Kris’s from a previous marriage).

In her free time, Hicks enjoys coaching her daughter’s soccer team, sports, watching the Ravens and, of course, DJing.

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I’ve been out since I was 18 years old. I was most afraid to tell my father, because I have a much older brother who is also gay and my father almost never talked about him. About seven months into being out, I mentioned to my dad in a nonchalant way that I went out with a girl I was dating at the time. He asked me why I never told him that I was interested in women, and I replied that I was afraid. He told me that he loved me, already knew and it didn’t matter. Twelve years later, he and my mother continue to be my biggest supporters.

Who’s your LGBT hero?

I really like both Ellen and Rosie O’Donnell. Both of these women live or have lived their lives in front of cameras and are fully honest about their lives and marriages to women, yet continue to be successful individuals in the entertainment industry.

What’s Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?Ā 

I’ll never forget my first visit to a gay club in D.C., the Hung Jury. It was a week after my 18th birthday and I had never danced with a woman before. Although I wouldn’t vote this club to be the “best” (more like a hole in the wall), I was certainly thankful that a club existed for 18 year olds to go and party with other women, as I had never experienced that and needed it. Venues for the underage crowd no longer exist! Fast forward to modern day D.C., and I absolutely love what women’s events I’m a part of, especially any LURe event. We recently celebrated our four-year anniversary at Cobalt and I’ve got nothing but love for that venue!

Describe your dream wedding.

I already had it right here in Baltimore on Oct. 12, 2012 at Cylburn Arboretum. We were surrounded by 125 friends and family, our parents walked down the aisle with us, the weather was perfect and everything went as planned! The icing on the cake? Not wanting to wait to see if Maryland passed marriage equality, we made our marriage official in D.C. a week prior, which requires a D.C. address on your certificate. Instead of having it done at the courthouse, a good friend of mine who is an officiant in the D.C. area married us at our favorite coffee shop, Starbucks on 14th Street!

What non-LGBT issue are you most passionate about?

I am very passionate about working with individuals with special needs especially those who are in the process of exiting the school system and preparing for the transition into adulthood.

What historical outcome would you change?

I would bring back some of our most iconic figures who were lost too soon. There were too many people who were wise beyond their years and taken away from us. Martin Luther King Jr., John F. Kennedy, etc.

What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?

Boy bands and the fact that I still love them. But I’m talking ‘NSYNC, 98 degrees, and the Backstreet Boys. I know all the words and I’m not even ashamed! Losing Michael Jackson was also really tough.

On what do you insist?

Honesty, loyalty, integrity, laughter and a lack of overall B.S.

What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?

“Whyyyy do I always need the bathroom in an emergency fashion after leaving work?”

If your life were a book, what would the title be?

“Dear Rosie, When Do You Sleep?”

If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?

I’d probably change the channel. I like being me, and I wouldn’t be who and where I am today without the fact that I’m a woman who loves women.

What do you believe in beyond the physical world?Ā 

I’m a non-church attending Christian, who has had plenty of personal proof that God is looking out for us. I’m far from a Bible thumper and would never try to sway even one person to believe what I do. With that said, I’m sure there is a DJ booth in the sky with my name on it whenever it’s that time.

What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?

Always remember to give back to the community that supports you and be grateful. None of us got where we are without support from someone.

What would you walk across hot coals for?

My wife Kris, my kids and my parents.

What LGBT stereotype annoys you most?

That there has to be a “guy” and a “girl” or rigid gender roles in every same-sex relationship. People assume that I’m the “guy” because I despise dresses and don’t do makeup. You know what they say about assuming right?

What’s your favorite LGBT movie?

I haven’t watched any LGBT movies in ages, but my coming out movie was definitely “But I’m a Cheerleader.”

What’s the most overrated social custom?

Valentine’s Day! Totally a waste of money. You should show your significant other love every day of the year.

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

Winning Best DJ in the 2012 Washington Blade Best of Gay D.C. was pretty amazing for me. It felt like my last 11 years of working hard to entertain the LGBT community finally paid off! I’d also say my two college degrees feel pretty good.

What do you wish you’d known at 18?

That 90 percent of the people I stressed about being my friend/dating me/ spending time with me at that time would only lead me to bigger and better things, and that it’s OK to lose some people along the way. The 10 percent who are still here (and you know who you are) are so very special to me and I’m always going to be thankful for that. Your social world at that time means so much to you, but as you get older and more focused, you see what’s truly important.

Why Washington?

I love the people, the culture and diversity, the energy and the nightlife. It’s the city that loves you back! Thank you D.C. for all the years we’ve shared, and here’s to many more!

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Real Estate

Navigating DMV real estate market during political unrest

Reductions in federal employment have introduced uncertainties

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Despite Elon Musk’s cuts to the federal workforce, D.C.’s real estate market continues to thrive. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

The  Washington, D.C.-Maryland-Virginia (DMV) region has long been recognized for its robust housing market, underpinned by the presence of the federal government and a diverse economic landscape. Recent massive reductions in federal employment have introduced uncertainties, yet the area continues to offer compelling reasons for prospective homebuyers, particularly within diverse communities.

While the federal government has traditionally been a significant employer in the DMV, the region has proactively diversified its economic base. Sectors such as technology, professional services, education, and healthcare have expanded, mitigating the impact of federal job cuts. This diversification fosters some economic resilience, which offers our area a semblance of protection against the impending unknowns that we currently face. Nothing can shield real estate entirely; however, our area tends to survive these types of changes better than other parts of the country.

Despite concerns over federal layoffs, the DMV housing market has demonstrated notable stability. Analyses indicate that the number of active listings, sold properties, and median sales prices have remained steady on a year-over-year basis. This steadiness suggests that the market is adapting to changes without significant disruption. 

Furthermore, while there has been a slight increase in home listings, this trend aligns with typical seasonal variations and does not solely reflect federal employment changes. The luxury property segment, in particular, continues to thrive, indicating sustained interest and investment in the region. 

The DMV region is renowned for its cultural and demographic diversity, with areas like Montgomery County, Md., being among the most ethnically diverse in the nation. This inclusivity extends to various communities, including LGBTQ individuals, fostering a welcoming environment that enhances the area’s appeal. Even though the current administration is fostering anti-diversity ideology, I remain confident that our LGBTQ community will continue to thrive even as these destructive forces work against us.

Local governments within the DMV have implemented policies aimed at promoting affordable housing and preventing displacement, particularly in the wake of economic shifts. Initiatives like the Douglass Community Land Trust in Washington, D.C., exemplify efforts to maintain housing affordability and support community stability. 

Additionally, jurisdictions such as Montgomery County have longstanding Moderately Priced Dwelling Unit (MPDU) programs that require developers to include affordable housing in new residential developments. These policies contribute to socioeconomically mixed neighborhoods, benefiting diverse populations. 

Despite Elon Musk’s brandishing of a chainsaw to the federal workforce, our real estate market continues to thrive. The DMV region maintains its appeal. Economic diversification, market stability, commitment to diversity and inclusion, and progressive housing policies collectively contribute to an environment that supports and attracts diverse communities. Prospective homebuyers can find reassurance in the region’s resilience and ongoing efforts to foster an inclusive and vibrant community. These are only a few among the many reasons to have a positive outlook while considering real estate options in our area.

It is important to consider working with brokerages, brokers, agents, lenders and title companies who align with our community and our objectives. Not all LGBTQ agents work for brokerages that support or understand the needs of the members of our community. Do your research and find out who has donated money to what political causes. Now more than ever we must support members of our community to protect our way of life and our very existence.


Stacey Williams-Zeiger is president/principal broker of Zeiger Realty Inc. Reach her at [email protected].

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Advice

Am I addicted to hooking up?

At 34, I don’t like the person I’ve become

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(Photo by edwardolive/Bigstock)

Hi Michael,

When I came to D.C. for college and came out, I was idealistic about finding true love. I made gay friends at school and watched them hooking up all the time.

It seemed like the opposite of what I wanted. I dreamed of meeting ā€œPrince Charmingā€ and living happily ever after. I thought I would put off sex until I met my special guy.

This went on for a while until I got too horny and impatient to keep putting off sex. The boyfriend wasn’t materializing so I went online and hooked up. Actually it was a lot of fun.

Soon I was hooking up as much as any of my friends were. I kept hoping I’d still find my prince.Ā But over time most of my energy shifted to finding guys to have sex with.

Now I’m 34. I’ve been at this a long time and I realized the other day that I don’t like my life.

I haven’t been on a real date in years but I’m hooking up multiple times a week. I’ve been with almost everyone I see on the apps whom I find attractive (where the feeling was mutual). And yes, I’ve been with a lot whom I didn’t find attractive because I was horny.

I look at myself and I think, yuk. I don’t like whom I’ve become.

I feel like I am addicted to hooking up. I just keep craving something. The release but mostly the attention, that the other person finds me hot. After I come, I feel like the whole thing was pointless, and a little disgusted with myself. Advice?

Michael replies:

You’re using hookups not just for sex, but as a way to feel good about yourself by getting positive attention from others. Ā 

But other-validation is like junk food, a sugary snack that staves off hunger for a few minutes and never really fills you up. All those guys you hook up with? The attention feels great, but as you wrote, that feeling lasts until your orgasm. And then you’re back to chasing it.

As with junk food, the other-validation you get when you hook up is a lot of empty calories. Having someone you don’t even know agree to have sex with you says nothing meaningful about your worth or even your attractiveness.Ā 

Yet another problem: If you believe that you need other-validation, you will do all sorts of self-damaging behaviors to get it—such as hookups that leave you feeling empty and disgusted.Ā I’ve seen many people lose their self-respect in the service of getting other people’s positive attention through behaviors that violate their own integrity. Doing things that make you feel bad about yourself in an attempt to feel good about yourself is ironic, and sad. Ā 

The bottom line is that other people can’t ā€œmakeā€ you feel good about yourself. Ā They might give you a small temporary boost, but your self-esteem actually has to come from you. That’s why it’s called self-esteem. Once you are past a certain age, if you don’t believe that you have value, no one else can get you there. You have to validate yourself.

Let’s go big-picture for a moment: It is our parents’ job to teach us that we have value when we are little, and when that doesn’t happen, we often struggle with self-esteem throughout our lives, unless we can find a path to develop our own belief in our worth. In the meantime, we may chase other-validation in a futile attempt to fill ourselves up. 

Other experiences we go through—for example, growing up gay in a hostile environment—can also do a number on how we see ourselves, and leave us grasping for affirmation from others. It takes work to get through and get past the impact of these experiences.

So how do you get better at giving yourself the validation you are seeking? There’s a great saying from the 12-step programs: If you want to have self-esteem, behave in esteemable ways.Ā 

What would it mean for you to behave in a way that you respect? Your letter provides one answer that is true for you: Stop engaging in sexual encounters that leave you disliking yourself.  

Far easier said than done, right? But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Having gotten clarity that you don’t like the life you’ve constructed for yourself, now you actually can do something about it. Keep in mind, though, that you will face some challenges if you stop hooking up.  

First: You may find it isolating and scary to stop doing something that all or most of your friends are doing. You will have to reassure yourself that you’re doing what’s right for you; that you are taking good care of yourself by choosing to avoid behaviors that leave you feeling bad; and that it’s OK to be different from ā€œeveryone else.ā€ In other words, you are going to have to get much better at self-validation.

If you have some friends who don’t spend a lot of their time hooking up, they may be good supports for you. Some guys find camaraderie from attending a 12-step program like Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA).

Second: People often use hookups (and sex) not just for sexual gratification, but to soothe anxiety, stress, depression, and other uncomfortable feelings. If you stop hooking up, you will likely need some other ways to keep yourself calm and to steady your mood. Exercise and meditation are two obvious means. 

You’d be wise to figure out new ways to fill your time that give you a sense of meaning and connection. I can’t tell you what those might be; only you can figure out what is right for you. They might include developing or deepening warm friendships, taking good care of yourself, finding a new activity that interests you — the list can go on and on.  

If you still want to find your prince, this is the way to go about it. The clichĆ© is true: You can’t expect anyone to like you unless you like yourself. If you build a life rich in fulfilling pursuits that help you to feel good about who you are and the life you are leading, you will be transforming yourself into relationship material.

Keep in mind, though, that letting yourself get close to someone through a heart connection would mean having to confront all sorts of uncomfortable emotions, including feeling vulnerable, that you have avoided by limiting yourself to crotch attachments. 

That said, working to become a more solid person would help you develop the strength to tolerate the ongoing challenges of a close relationship.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online atĀ michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it toĀ [email protected].

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Real Estate

New trends for old kitchens

New trends for old kitchens

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Kitchen trends favor a modern, organic style. (Photo by zstockphotos/Bigstock)

Whether you are upgrading parts of your current home to prepare it for sale or enhancing the home you just purchased, kitchens and bathrooms are still at the top of the renovation list.

Kitchen renovations have always embraced a blend of functionality, personalization, and aesthetic appeal; however, homeowners are currently moving away from sterile, uniform designs, opting instead for spaces that reflect warmth, character, and individual style. Here are some of the most prominent trends shaping kitchen renovations this year.

Warm and Earthy Tones

The dominance of all-white kitchens is waning as homeowners gravitate toward warmer, earth-toned palettes. Shades like sage green, navy blue, and natural wood finishes are becoming popular choices for cabinetry, infusing kitchens with a cozy and inviting atmosphere. This shift reflects a desire for spaces that feel more personalized and less clinical. Flat panel and Shaker cabinets continue to be popular options.

Integration of Organic Modernism

The “modern organic” style is gaining traction, characterized by using natural materials, neutral color palettes, and serene layouts. Incorporating elements like soapstone countertops, Venetian plaster walls, slate floors, and greenery not only enhances aesthetic appeal but can also increase home values significantly. Fully outfitted outdoor kitchens further contribute to this trend.

Innovative Kitchen Island Designs

Kitchen islands continue to be central features, with designs evolving to incorporate textures, wood and tile cladding, multifunctional elements, and bold colors and materials. Integrated seating areas, waterfall countertops, and the use of monolithic stone or stacked marble are becoming increasingly popular. These islands not only serve as functional workspaces but also as striking focal points within the kitchen.

Concealed Kitchens for a Sleek Look

The concept of concealed kitchens is on the rise, emphasizing built-in appliances, flush cabinetry, and appliance garages to maintain a clutter-free environment. This design approach fosters a minimalist aesthetic, creating a seamless flow between the kitchen and adjacent living areas, particularly in open-concept homes.

Personalized Cabinetry and Storage Solutions

Customization is key in modern kitchen designs, with homeowners seeking tailored storage solutions that cater to their specific needs. Features like hidden storage compartments, integrated lighting, and unique hardware choices are being favored over generic, cookie-cutter options. This trend underscores a move toward kitchens that are both functional and reflective of personal style.

Revival of Traditional Styles with Modern Twists

Traditional kitchen styles are making a comeback, with a contemporary twist. Elements such as expanded backsplash coverage, classic tile shapes and patterns, use of mixed metals, and specialty appliances are being integrated into modern kitchens, blending the charm of the past with the conveniences of the present. Custom range hoods, coffee bars and microwave drawers are increasingly added to renovation projects. This fusion creates spaces that are both timeless and equipped for modern living.

Sustainable and Natural Materials

Sustainability remains a priority, with an increased use of eco-friendly materials like reclaimed wood, recycled metals and glass, and energy-efficient appliances. This not only reduces environmental impact but also introduces unique texture and shimmer into kitchen designs, adding depth and character to the space.

Use of Bold Colors and Accents

Homeowners are becoming more adventurous with color and texture, incorporating vibrant hues and tactile materials into their kitchen designs. Features like colorful window trims, two-tone cabinets, and the use of wallpaper and feature walls add visual interest and a personalized touch to the space. In addition to the familiar white, major appliances are now shown in matte black, navy, and jewel tones of red, green, and blue. There are even vinyl wraps and magnet covers that allow for more creativity and individualization with appliances.

Integration of Smart Technology

The incorporation of smart technology continues to grow, with appliances featuring automated cooking functions, sensor reheating, and control locks becoming more prevalent. Induction stoves are entering the mix. Charging stations and touch-activated cabinet doors and faucets are also popular. LED lighting lasts longer and prevents you from having to climb a ladder to change lightbulbs on a high or vaulted ceiling. These advancements enhance convenience and efficiency, aligning with the modern homeowner’s desire for a kitchen that supports a tech-savvy and busy lifestyle.

Multifunctional Spaces

Kitchens are increasingly being designed as multifunctional spaces that accommodate cooking, dining, working, and socializing. This has led to the inclusion of features like integrated seating, versatile lighting, and adaptable layouts that can easily transition between different uses, reflecting the evolving role of the kitchen in contemporary homes. Still, don’t be surprised to see a resurgence of self-contained kitchens with real walls.

So, whether the kitchen you want is sleek and modern, earthy and organic, or traditional and elegant, there will always be fresh new styles, ideas, innovations and classic touches that cater to your lifestyle.

Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.

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