Opinions
Lifting the veil on Sally Ride’s private life
Moving bio reveals astronaut didn’t want to be defined by gay label

Astronaut Sally Ride (Photo public domain)
Labels are for bottles, not people, according to the popular aphorism. I’ve been thinking of this while reading “Sally Ride: America’s First Woman in Space,” by writer and former ABC News correspondent Lynn Sherr, just out from Simon & Schuster. As this engrossing, moving biography reveals, neither Ride nor her partner of 27 years, Tam O’Shaughnessy, liked labels. Especially, about their sexual orientation or same-sex relationship.
“She didn’t want to be defined by the lesbian/gay label …we both didn’t like categories,” Sherr writes that O’Shaughnessy told her.
Like many of us, LGBT and straight, I was sad to learn on July 23, 2012 that Ride, the first American woman to fly in space, had died of pancreatic cancer. Growing up, starry-eyed, watching Neil Armstrong walk on the moon, cheering when Billie Jean King beat Bobby Riggs and embracing the women’s movement, I didn’t think girls could be astronauts. Ride’s historic 1983 space flight was thrilling to women of all generations.
“Millions of little girls are going to sit by their television sets and see that they can be astronauts, heroes, explorers and scientists,” Gloria Steinem said at the time.
As Sherr’s biography engagingly shows, Ride was so multi-faceted in her talents and interests that she was almost, to use Duke Ellington’s dictum, “beyond category.” Ride was an astrophysicist who studied Shakespeare, an athlete (who joked that her horrible “forehand” kept her from becoming a professional tennis player), educator, and, with O’Shaughnessy, a children’s book writer. She was a serious scientist who was most comfortable in academia. After the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded, Ride was part of the commission established to investigate the accident.
“As a retired astronaut, she did research on arms control,” Sherr writes, “… she championed programs to advance the status of women and fought against stereotypes that dampened children’s dreams, barriers to success that had never stopped her.”
When I was in school, science was creepy – a bunch of (mainly male) teachers saying boring, incomprehensible things. Ride and O’Shaughnessy, through their company Sally Ride Science, worked to change this dreary image of science. Ride wanted children to know that “science is cool,” Sherr writes.
Though Ride was an intensely private person, she loved talking with kids about going to the bathroom in outer space. When a child asked Ride if the food that she ate in space was gross, she replied, “No! We had peanut butter.”
Like many in the LGBT community and in the wider culture, I was surprised and saddened to learn only after her death that Ride had been in a same-sex relationship for more than two decades. I didn’t judge her for not being open about her sexuality or her relationship with O’Shaughnessy. I thought then, as I do now, that deciding to come out, even as marriage equality increasingly becomes a reality, is still a personal, and often, difficult, decision. Homosexuality was considered to be a mental illness until 1973, and it’s doubtful that NASA would have accepted an openly LGBT astronaut.
“She was just a private person who wanted to do things her way. She hated labels (including hero),” Ride’s sister Bear told the Associated Press at the time of her death.
Few beyond a small, extremely close-knit circle knew of Ride and O’Shaughnessy’s relationship. Even, Sherr, a friend of Ride’s, didn’t know that Ride and O’Shaughnessy were a same-sex couple. Though not a hagiography in any sense of the word, Sherr wrote this book because O’Shaughnessy wanted it to be written. O’Shaughnessy decided “that it was time for a proper biography,” Sherr writes. “That the obituaries didn’t capture the richness or the nuance of her life … that in the interest of honesty it was time to lift the veil of privacy Sally had guarded so tenaciously.”
Many thanks, Tam, for lifting the veil. And thanks to Sherr for illuminating a legendary life in all its rich complexity.
Kathi Wolfe, a writer and poet, is a regular contributor to the Blade.
Opinions
Unconventional love: Or, fuck it, let’s choose each other again
On Valentine’s Day, the kind of connection worth celebrating
There’s a moment at the end of “Love Jones” — the greatest Black love movie of the 21st century — when Darius stands in the rain, stripped of bravado, stripped of pride, stripped of all the cleverness that once protected him.
“I want us to be together again,” he says. “For as long as we can be.”
Not forever. Not happily ever after. Just again. And for as long as we can. That line alone dismantles the fairy tale.
“Love Jones” earns its place in the canon not because it is flawless, but because it is honest. It gave us Black love without sanitizing it. Black intellect without pretension. Black romance without guarantees. It told the truth: that love between two whole people is often clumsy, ego-driven, tender, frustrating, intoxicating—and still worth choosing.
That same emotional truth lives at the end of “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” my favorite movie of all time. Joel and Clementine, having erased each other, accidentally fall back into love. When they finally listen to the tapes that reveal exactly how badly they hurt one another, Clementine does something radical: she tells the truth.
“I’m not perfect,” she says. “I’ll get bored. I’ll feel trapped. That’s what happens with me.”
She doesn’t ask Joel to deny reality. She invites him into it. Joel’s response isn’t poetic. It isn’t eloquent. It’s not even particularly brave. He shrugs.
“Ok.”
That “OK” is one of the most honest declarations of love ever written. Because it says: I hear you. I see the ending. I know the risk. And I’m choosing you anyway.
Both films are saying the same thing in different languages. Nina and Darius. Clementine and Joel. Artists and thinkers. Romantics who hurt each other not because they don’t care — but because they do. Deeply. Imperfectly. Humanly.
They argue. They retreat. They miscommunicate. They choose pride over vulnerability and distance over repair. Love doesn’t fail because they’re careless — it fails because love is not clean.
What makes “Love Jones” the greatest Black love movie of the 21st century is that it refuses to lie about this. It doesn’t sell permanence. It sells presence. It doesn’t promise destiny. It offers choice.
And at the end — just like “Eternal Sunshine” — the choice is made again, this time with eyes wide open.
When Nina asks, “How do we do this?” Darius doesn’t pretend to know.
“I don’t know.”
That’s the point.
Love isn’t a blueprint. It’s an agreement to walk forward without one.
I recently asked my partner if he believed in soul mates. He said no—without hesitation. When he asked me, I told him I believe you can have more than one soul mate, romantic or platonic. That a soul mate isn’t someone who saves you — it’s someone whose soul recognizes yours at a particular moment in time.
He paused. Then said, “OK. With those caveats, I believe.”
That felt like a Joel shrug. A grown one.
We’ve been sold a version of love that collapses under scrutiny. Fairy tales promised permanence without effort. Celebrity marriages promised aspiration without truth. And then reality — messy, public, human—stepped in. Will and Jada didn’t kill love for me. They clarified it.
No relationship is perfect. No love is untouched by disappointment. No bond survives without negotiation, humility, and repair. What matters isn’t whether love lasts forever. What matters is whether, when confronted with truth, you still say yes.
“Love Jones” ends in the rain. “Eternal Sunshine” ends in a hallway. No swelling orchestras. No guarantees. Just two people standing at the edge of uncertainty saying: Fuck it. I love you. Let’s do it again.
That’s not naïve love. That’s courageous love.
And on Valentine’s Day — of all days — that’s the kind worth celebrating.
Randal C. Smith is a Chicago-based attorney and writer focusing on labor and employment law, civil rights, and administrative governance.
The United States and the world are waiting for the Supreme Court to hand down its decisions in two cases (Little v. Hecox and West Virginia v. BPJ) that would rule on whether young trans women can play women’s sports at their schools. As trans journalist Erin Reed explained, these two cases are not just about transgender sports. These cases are litmus tests for trans rights at the nation’s highest courts and will have wide-reaching implications for the rights of trans and nonbinary people in the United States.
And these cases will impact cis women. As Orien Rummler reported for the 19th and them, anti-trans legislation and rulings threaten the rights of all women, especially cis women of color. The best example is the allegations that woman boxer Imane Khelif faced at the last Paris Olympics.
The gender policing that Khelif faced shows how sports bans that police who are considered a man or woman legitimize and mandate invasive medical testing, a form of medical abuse, against all women and girls who want to play sports. And let’s be clear — there is historical precedence for this.
The Nazi regime did use genetic screening in order to police who could have children as part of their “racial hygiene” programs, including marriage partner hereditary testing that flagged anyone with “tainted” genetic lineages. While prisoners in concentration and detention camps were subjected to horrifying medical experimentation, Nazi officials experimented with their own followers, facilitating reproduction only among people with desirable characteristics — notably those with blonde hair and blue eyes — and sterilizing those with undesirable genetics.
In fact, trans and gender non-conforming people were some of the first targeted by Nazi violence, with one of the first book burnings occurring in 1933 when Nazi youth and members of the Sturmabteilung ransacked the Institute for Sexual Science and burned one of the largest libraries of medical texts about gender affirming care. Nazi officials first exerted control over gender before extending this to race and religion.
And this was not confined to Nazi Germany. As I’ve written about before, the United States has used eugenics to justify the forced sterilization of women of color, disabled women, poor women, and incarcerated women. Forced sterilization was one part of forced or coerced medical testing that targeted Black and Indigenous women.
This medical violence, along with non-consensual experimentation including Dr. James Marion Sim’s gynecological experimentation on enslaved Black women, was rooted in systemic racism and medical abuse, and has contributed to legacies of mistrust and health disparities in medical institutions and practitioners.
When sports organizations, like the U.S. Olympic and Paralympic Committee, require women to undergo “sex verification,” they set a precedent of forced genetic testing that violates everyone’s privacy and could very well exclude many cis women from sports if they fall outside the bounds of what is defined as a “woman.”
The best example is cis women with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Some people with PCOS have hyperandrogenism, an excess of androgen, or experience hirsutism (i.e. the development of more traditionally masculine features like increased muscle mass and more pronounced facial hair.) Mandatory sex verification may diagnose or “out” women as intersex without their consent. Differences of Sex Development, another term used to describe intersex experiences, is more common than most people would expect.
Would women with PCOS not be considered women? What about women with more pronounced facial hair or greater muscle mass because of natural variation? It’s important to note what is considered American standards of womanhood are rooted in White supremacy — one of the reasons why women of color have been and will be targeted by anti-trans violence.
The very people making these decisions are also beginning to ask these questions. According to Erin in the Morning, Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett is even worried about the implications of these two Supreme Court decisions. As Alejandra Carabello, a Harvard Law educator, told Erin in the Morning, a decision supporting anti-trans sports bans “could result in the segregation of women in a host of other areas of public life under the rationale that biologically, men are different and they need to be segregated.”
Barrett, a conservative justice who was appointed by Trump in 2020, seems to acknowledge these risks, saying “your whole position in this case depends on there being inherent differences.”
There is not. According to science, gender is not a strict binary but a spectrum determined by biological, psychological, and social factors, including cultural norms surrounding gender.
The best indication of this is that intersex people exist. Intersex people are individuals born with sex hormones and characteristics that differ from a strict male to female binary. Some people are born with atypical genitalia, specifically external genitals that don’t look male or female or are underdeveloped. Some are born with phallia, a condition where a baby is born without a penis, some born with a “mismatch” between their internal and external organs.
In all of these cases, the idea of normal, mismatched and properly developed genitalia and bodily presentation is conditional upon a male and female binary reinforced by the medical establishment — and to be clear, this gender binary has hurt people. For decades, intersex babies have suffered medical abuse because doctors perform unnecessary surgeries to “fit” these children into a female/male binary. These medically nonessential surgeries performed on children who cannot consent are a form of medical assault.
To be clear, this is not the same as gender affirming care performed on consenting individuals who are receiving hormone therapy and surgery to align their gender presentation with their identity. As major medical and mental health organizers assert, gender-affirming care is medically necessary and lifesaving healthcare for trans and nonbinary people.
And the vast majority of children who are having gender affirming surgery are cis ones. A June 2024 study found that the vast majority of minors undergoing gender-affirming surgeries were cis children. This did not include intersex people who underwent surgery or people who received surgery for an illness or injury. About 97 percent of 150 cases where minors received gender affirming surgery in 2019 were chest reduction surgery performed on cis boys. This surgery is commonly performed on boys with gynecomastia, or develop enlarged breasts due to a hormone imbalance.
So for many, the decisions expected on these Supreme Court cases may seem confined to sports but in actuality, they have profound ramifications not only for cis women but also amid the growing escalation and legitimization of eugenics in the United States.
It’s no mistake that earlier this month, Dr. Elisa von Joeden-Forgey, president of the Lemkin Institute, stated that the U.S. is in the “early-to-mid stages of a genocidal process against trans and nonbinary and intersex people.” Dr. Gregory Santon, former president of the International Association of Genocide Scholars, flags “a hardening of categories” surrounding gender in a “totalitarian” way.
Stanton argues that this is rooted in Nazi ideology’s surrounding gender — this same regime that killed many LGBTQIA individuals in the name of a natural “binary.” As Von Joeden-Forgey said, the queer community, alongside other “minority groups, tends to be a kind of canary in the coal mine.”
Even the fact that discussions of the trans sports ban foreground its potential implications for cis women (or that this is the primary concern voiced by Barrett) showcases whose bodies take priority.
This framework reflects how members of the feminist movement have used and presently do use the movement to justify the very anti-trans exclusion that will harm them. Some call themselves trans-exclusionary radical feminists (TERFs); these women believe that codifying and protecting trans women’s rights threatens the rights of cis women and have even partnered with some conservative groups because of their commitment to enforce what it means to be a “biological woman.”
As history can show us, it’s exactly the opposite — first, feminism is rooted in equity for all people, all women, not just cis women. Because protecting trans women from medical violence like sex verification testing and challenging people and organizations that police who a woman is, protects all women.
Emma Cieslik is a museum worker and public historian.
The racist felon in the White House has sunk to what many people consider a new low, with his posting the disgusting depiction of the Obamas on his social media site. The depths to which he will sink would be considered unfathomable to many. But there is nothing we should think him incapable of. With this latest post, and refusal to apologize, I have to question the principles and decency of anyone, who still in any way, is willing to support him.
I once thought to give people taken in by his lies and carnival barker routine, the benefit of the doubt. I had the benefit of always knowing Trump was a liar and slimeball, having met him years ago in New York. I understood he learned well at the feet of his mentor, Roy Cohn, who was one of the more disgusting figures in New York politics. But not everyone knew that history. But now, after his behavior and actions, during the first year of his second term, I will not give the benefit of the doubt to anyone. If you still stand with the felon, you are a person with no principles, or decency, yourself. If you still support him you are standing with a man who first glorified the murder of a VA nurse, Alex Pretti, in Minneapolis, calling him a domestic terrorist. A man who said the ICE agents who did it were just doing their job. He did the same when they murdered Renee Good in cold blood, calling her a ‘domestic terrorist.’ He supported his agents acting like the Gestapo when taking a five-year-old boy into custody on his front stoop.
The felon went to Davos and in a stunning attack on our allies, claimed the men and women in their military never joined us on the front lines in Afghanistan, insulting all those who fought, and died, with our troops. He was either too dumb to know, or chose to disregard, that Article 5, a critical clause in the NATO pact, which means an armed attack on one member of the alliance will be treated as an attack on all members, was only invoked once in NATO’s history, and that was after the Islamist terrorists attacked the U.S. on Sept. 11, 2001.
He is destroying our country, and all our credibility around the world. He bows down to Putin and other despots. He clearly wants to be King of our country, and now an Emperor in the eyes of the world, as he threatens Greenland, and threatens to attack numerous other countries.
The problem those sycophants have, is I believe the people of the United States will finally understand he is destroying what is best in their lives. They will rise up and depose him; they will do it with their votes. Many of those who believed his lies and promises, are now seeing him as the “Emperor with no clothes.” He lied to them, and fooled enough of them, to win the election. They are waking up to the fact he is more senile than they thought Biden was, and clearly much less intelligent. They are seeing him for the grifter he is and finding out he cares not a bit for them, or their welfare. He clearly couldn’t care less that their grocery prices are going up, their rents are going up, their heating costs are going up, and for some, their healthcare costs are tripling. None of that bothers him in the least. He cares more about getting gift planes from Qatar, selling crypto coins, seeing Melania make money on a weird so-called documentary, and giving tax breaks to his rich friends and corporations.
The American people have fought a revolution before. We fought a king and won. This revolution may look different from that, and from the French Revolution. We may man/woman the barricades but will do so without guns. We will win with our votes.
The wealthy like Jeff Bezos, and others who see themselves as American nobility, corporate and media giants, who think the felon will make them even richer if they kneel before him, will in the long run be very disappointed. He has some power for a few more years, but even that will be curtailed when Democrats take back Congress in January 2027.
Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.
