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Don’t label Maria Bello

Actress-turned-author explores power and pain of typecasting

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Maria Bello, gay news, Washington Blade
Maria Bello, gay news, Washington Blade

Maria Bello says a 2013 illness that sidelined her gave her time to rethink the rigid way society categorizes love, sexuality and relationships, labels she says never fit her own life. (Photo by Amanda Demme; courtesy Dey Street Books)

Maria Bello

 

In conversation with Daniel Jones (New York Times)

 

Sixth & I Historic Synagogue

 

600 I St. N.W.

 

$17 (ticket

 

$30 (ticket and book)

 

$38 (two tickets, one book)

 

sixthandi.org

 

Actress Maria Bello spent the summer of 2013 in bed ill with a parasitic illness she contracted while doing relief work in Haiti.

Turning to the roughly 150 journals she’s been keeping since age 10, the actress, best known for her roles in the films “Payback,” “Coyote Ugly” and “A History of Violence” as well as the TV hit “ER,” found herself pondering all sorts of questions from all facets of her life from work, family, romantic relationships and more.

She eventually distilled her personal discoveries into the new book “Whatever … Love is Love: Questioning the Labels We Give Ourselves.” On Monday night she’ll be in Washington at the Sixth & I Synagogue to discuss the book with Daniel Jones of the New York Times, which published her essay “Coming Out as a Modern Family,” in which she discussed her current relationship with partner Clare Munn.

We talked with her Tuesday — the day of the Supreme Court marriage arguments — by phone to find out why she has such a thorny relationship with labels. Her comments have been slightly edited for length.

MARIA BELLO: How are you?

WASHINGTON BLADE: We’re good. It’s a big day in Washington!

BELLO: I know! I’ve been watching all day and tweeting about it. I’m so excited and the whole community must be.

BLADE: Yes, it feels momentous.

BELLO: It is. We’re on the verge and the tide is changing and it’s very exciting.

BLADE: It sounds like you had an epiphany of sorts when you began your relationship with Clare. Prior to that, had you had much involvement or investment in LGBT issues?

BELLO: Yes, always, even when I was going to a Catholic university. I’ve always been involved in LGBT rights because they have always been a huge force in human rights in general and it’s a human right to be able to marry who you love and love who you love. I was very inspired by Marsha P. Johnson, a famous African-American transgender, flamboyant, really beautiful woman when I used to live on Christopher Street. She threw the first shot glass at Stonewall.

BLADE: Did you journal continuously or in spurts over the years?

BELLO: Pretty consistently. I started at 10 but only have them going back to age 13. The first one I have is a green notebook with little hearts drawn all over it. The challenge with my journals was trying to choose the material to go into the book and what I realized more and more was that I wasn’t just taking a walk down memory lane, I was uncovering all these pieces and I had so many questions about the girl I was, the woman I had become, about my family, you know, myself, my religion, my sexuality and as I started asking more questions, I heard from so many more people that they were asking similar questions. I had no idea it would become part of a larger conversation. I always journalized pretty consistently. I can’t imagine I ever went more than three months or so without writing. Sometimes they were just gratitude lists I made because I was so miserable.

BLADE: What big picture started to emerge from reading them?

BELLO: Relationships are fluid, partnerships are fluid, life is fluid and the more you accept that, which is sometimes a very hard thing to accept, you become more mindful. It doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time. Sometimes it’s just being where you’re at. Sometimes you could be miserable and mindful and I have to allow myself space to have those days and sometimes those weeks where, you know, you’re sad, angry confused. But my mom always told me unless you hit the bottom, you’re not able to push yourself back up. I always loved that.

BLADE: How do you differentiate between happiness, joy and containment?

BELLO: It’s kind of what I just answered. More coming from my preferred self, my most authentic self. When I can do that and be in the moment, I am more curious and happier when I have an understanding of that and, you know, connect to my higher power. Call it God, call it whatever you like. For me, it’s that connection that brings me joy. And also watching my son play soccer. He’s going to Ireland this summer to play in like the world cup of kids’ soccer. He’s freaking awesome.

BLADE: How old is Jackson?

BELLO: He’s 14. He was 12 when he said those amazing words (that became the book title).

BLADE: How long were you ill?

BELLO: A few months. Actually when I was quite sick and recovering and frail, I think your body has a way of telling you when it’s time to take a break or take a breath. It was a real transforming time in my life. I looked around my bedside and saw who was there — my mom, my brother and Jack and Jack’s dad and Clare and many of my friends. I’m so proud to have so much love in my life.

BLADE: Are you healthy now?

BELLO: I am. … Except for the smoking thing, which I’m working on again. It’s my vice.

BLADE: You say nobody should feel judged or afraid because of a label. We use labels all the time to decide where to put things in a grocery store, to decide what genre a film or book is, to say if someone is a blond or brunette even when there are so many variations of different things. Why have the labels associated with sexuality gotten such a bad rap?

BELLO: Because it’s not just about sexual orientation, it’s about partnerships and family and how traditional labels, you know, seem to put people in these tidy little boxes and those traditional labels don’t seem to be working anymore. In the end, I always feel like call me whatever you want, I’ll label myself practically anything to advance human rights and that feels good for me, but I see these poor kids ashamed and being blamed for their sexuality or having partnerships that are different. … It’s important to claim the labels that make you feel your authentic self.

BLADE: When you see the studies about how monogamous people really are and how many stay married their entire lives, it does make you question whether these societal expectations are realistic.

BELLO: In one of my chapters I write about having an affair and talk about this very issue. It’s said that more than 50 percent of married people have admitted having affairs. Men, women, conservative, liberal, across the board. And yet we just don’t talk about it. We seem to just wave our finger and say, “OK, you’re a bad guy or bad girl if you had an affair,” but what we should really be talking is the question of why this is happening and the complications of sexuality. What does it mean. … There has to be a reason these people in long-term, committed relationships go outside the relationship for something besides partnership.

BLADE: True, but don’t we need some sort of compartmentalization system in the world for such matters if only to make sense of all the thousands of people we encounter? Wouldn’t things get too overwhelming if we shunned labels altogether?

BELLO: Oh yes, we need some. My point is that only use the ones you are proud of and make you feel part of a community. Identifying a movie or a person by the way they look, that’s really simplistic. What we’re talking about are bigger issues. Facebook added 51 new gender options last year. I’m at least 15 of them. I think our lexicon needs to expand to include all of those.

BLADE: You write about growing up Roman Catholic. Do you have any relationship with the church today?

BELLO: I’m so excited about the new pope, with his openness and his attention to what really matters, which is love and (addressing) poverty and peace. … I’m happy to be part of this movement that’s happening in the church, even in the church I go to in Santa Monica, more of an acceptance and getting back to real values and what it’s all about, which is love.

BLADE: Has it been hard to take the good and leave the dogma you don’t agree with behind?

BELLO: It’s getting easier and easier as I get older because I’m doing that with everything in my life. I guess part of it is being middle aged and menopausal, but I’m excited about the question and I hope the book will help people question their own labels and look at the ones that empower them and get rid of the ones that disempower them.

BLADE: You were so good with Viggo Mortensen in “History of Violence.” What is he like as a fellow actor?

BELLO: Oh my god, such an incredibly authentic and funny man. You would never think the funny part, but he’s hysterical.

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Rainbows in Revolt on a mission to make LGBTQ artists’ voices heard

Rainbows in Revolt on a mission to make LGBTQ artists’ voices heard

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Lily Erin, one of Rainbows in Revolt’s signature artists, performed at Capital Pride in June. (Photo courtesy of Rainbows in Revolt)

Last month’s Pride celebration in D.C. was so fun. Walking around my first Capital Pride with a $15 lemonade I was loving the madness and the color. Artists and small businesses battling banks you’ve never heard of collecting your personal information so you can spin a wheel to snag free merch. Great music blaring, people actually smiling and enjoying themselves, the “Great” American State Fair could never!

The Monument Stage was on Pennsylvania Avenue, directly in front of the National Gallery of Art and I can’t think of a better venue to see live music. How does someone get on the lineup for Pride? How do we accelerate the visibility of the most talented voices in our community to perform in places like this?

There is certainly not a talent gap, but there is a visibility gap. Chappell Roan went from playing for two people in a parking lot to owning the main stage at Coachella in one year. Whether it is shadowbanning or bias in AI, algorithms have been shown to suppress queer artists. In a digital age, how can queer people break through and show the world how talented they are?

Allison and Matt of Rainbows in Revolt are on a mission to make openly LGBTQ+ artists’ voices heard. Their goal is to find “musicians whose queerness is central to their identity as an artist,” and accelerate them to a place where they can actually reach fans.

The only time queer events seem to be in the spotlight is June, but this should be year round, according to Allison and Matt. Rainbows in Revolt wants to act as a “nucleus” for different sub-communities, finding common ground in the universal language of music.

Matt and Allison founded Rainbows as a way to make cheaper, higher quality merchandise for queer artists. While Rainbows has already pledged 20% of their profits to the LGBTQ+ community, with 10% to Whitman-Walker Health and 10% to LGBTQ+ organizations in need, this is just the beginning of the work that they do.

Rainbows “does the dirty work” that artists normally struggle to do on their own with limited resources. Interviews, artist profiles, social promotion, playlist discovery, radio outreach, and merch-funded support. This work is normally expensive, time consuming, and requires lots of different skills. Musicians don’t want to be editing clips to post online. Standup comedians don’t want to make graphics for their tour dates. They want to write more. They want to focus on their craft.

In addition to helping artists find their audience, Rainbows has built other digital tools to help queer people connect, including an interactive Safe Space Map for most major cities. It is hard to know which places are truly safe and supportive just from a simple Google search. Attitudes and actions change, and there should be a simple way for queer people to find other places that align with them. The Safe Spaces Maps are all up to date, and are tagged and filterable. Instead of relying on forums and word of mouth, Rainbows has created a centralized way to find authentic community quickly.

I had a chance to talk with Allison and Matt at Pride where Lily Erin, one of their signature artists, was performing on the Monument stage. Lily Erin is a folk singer who is familiar and forging her own path. Her bittersweet sound echoes through Acadia, and her garb mirrors the New England athletes I grew up with. Gorp Core meets streetwear. A graphic tee, hiking shorts, and creamsicle Jordans.

Her debut single, “Bus Stop,” tells a sad story about unconditional love, and the conditions that still seem to come with it. Graduating into lockdown, Erin needed a new way to connect with herself and others. Lily made “Bus Stop” without an intention to share it, but doing so was a liberation. People have been responding to her honesty around queer-ness, family, and the “ghosts which haunt us” even in the daytime.

Rainbows in Revolt has helped Lily Erin go from bars and backyards to The Monument Stage at Pride. This is a meteoric rise, and a testament to both Erin’s talent and the work of Rainbows to promote her. “A little encouragement goes a long way with early artists,” and by “planting a seed” Rainbows is already seeing their artist garden grow. Community is power, and Erin is a perfect example of how effective simple modern techniques of promotion can be.

A next step for Rainbows is putting on shows themselves. On Oct. 3, Rainbows in Revolt will host an Evening with Ray Boltz at the National City Christian Church. Boltz grew up in the Catholic Church and for many years was the soundtrack to many services, youth camps, and church groups. He was celebrated by millions until he came out in 2008. Allison remembers her community “never playing his music again.” 

Rainbows in Revolt is helping him to return to the church, and proving that identity does not need to be exclusive. We live in a complicated world with complicated lines being drawn. Boltz proves that these lines don’t exist, and will be breaking down barriers to bring together communities. To Allison, “a trans woman standing next to a straight white man in church is a powerful teacher.”

The Safe Space maps bridge all types of spaces, and one of the unlikely ones is, perhaps, churches. Matt said that “BYU has only nine safe spaces around their campus and seven of them are churches.” Not all churches are anti-gay, and many times they are the only place for people to find community.

Rainbows in Revolt is just getting started bridging gaps and building community.

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Summer in the City: Free exhibits, movies, more fill D.C.’s calendar

America 250 celebrations continue

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Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande star in ‘Wicked,’ screening Sept. 12 at Union Market. (Photo courtesy of Universal Pictures)

From late-night museum visits and outdoor jazz concerts to free movie screenings and America250 exhibitions, Washington’s summer calendar is packed with events that don’t charge admission. Here’s a look at some of the free activities happening across the District through September and beyond.

Museum exhibitions

The Renwick Gallery is presenting State Fairs: Growing American Craft, an exhibition that looks at unique and unconventional crafts from the 19th century to the present. It will run until Sept. 7, and admission is free. 

The Arts and Industries Building, located next to the Smithsonian Castle, is presenting the exhibition Voices and Votes: Exploring Democracy Across America. The exhibition features the development of American independence and what that has meant over time, beginning with the Revolutionary War. Admission to the museum is free, and the exhibition runs until Sept. 7.

The National Gallery of Art presents Dear America, an exhibit featuring more than 100 pieces of work, including letters, photographs, and drawings that depict American landscapes and depictions of freedom. The exhibition will run until Sept. 20.

The National Museum of Women in the Arts is exhibiting Burnished: Pueblo Pottery until Sept. 27. The exhibit features pottery from the Southwest, and while most of the pottery belongs to women artists, a few also reflect those who have advocated for women.

Extending past this summer, the exhibition ¡Puro Ritmo! The Musical Journey of Salsa will be at the National Museum of the American Latino until July 2028. The exhibition shows how Afro-Cuban music has become a staple in the U.S. Admission is free.

The Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial Library will feature the exhibition District Vibes / American Pride: How DC Changed American Culture, which will highlight all of the ways D.C. has impacted American life. The exhibit will run until Sept. 27.

At the Folger Shakespeare Library, the exhibit Imagining Shakespeare: Mythmaking and Storytelling in the Regency Era will be on view through Aug. 2. All the portraits on display come from the Boydell Shakespeare Gallery in London.

The United States Botanic Garden will be open until 8 p.m. on Aug. 20 and Sept. 17, as part of America’s State Flowers: An America250 Celebration. The evenings will include live music, mocktails, ice cream, and snacks.

The National Gallery of Art Sculpture Garden will have extended hours, staying open until 8 p.m. Wednesday to Saturday until Sept. 3. 

Live performances

On Aug. 7, the postgame Nationals concert series will continue with Jordan Davis performing. To see the concert, guests just need to buy tickets to the Nationals game. 

Jazz in the Garden will run each Friday until Aug. 14. The event has free admission, but those interested have to enter a lottery due to the high demand for the event.

From May to October, Capital Harvest Market occurs every Wednesday from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center. The market features fresh foods, crafts, and recipes for unique dishes. A full list of vendors is available on Capital Harvest’s website.

Live! Concert Series on the Plaza will feature live performances at Woodrow Wilson Plaza until Sept. 25. The performances run Monday to Friday from 12-1 p.m. Admission is free to the performances. 

DowntownDC Live! at Anthem Row is running until July 30, with free performances every Thursday from 5:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. The final performance will feature HUE and a vintage flea market hosted by Get Flee Marketplace. 

Located in Adams Morgan, AdMo Vibe will present live performances every Thursday at 6 p.m. in Kalorama Park. Guests are encouraged to check out Adams Morgan before and after shows, and it is an event for all ages.

Other events

Union Market is hosting drive-in movies on Aug. 8, featuring “Monsters, Inc.”, and Sept. 12, featuring “Wicked.” On Aug. 8, the parking lot will open at 7:30 p.m., with the movie starting at 8:25 p.m. On Sept. 12, the parking lot will open at 6:35 p.m., and the movie will start at 7:30 p.m.

Sunset Cinema at the Wharf will also be available one day a month. On Aug. 12, “10 Things I Hate About You” will premiere, and on Aug. 26, “Project Hail Mary.” No tickets are necessary. 

The Library of Congress will also show movies. On Aug. 6, guests are invited to watch “Apollo 13.” The movie will be shown at 8 p.m., with additional live performances beginning at 7 p.m.

For fans of Asian media, the Okaton convention will be at Walter E. Washington Convention Center from July 31-Aug. 2. Festivities will include cosplay contests, skits, live music, and panel discussions.

Washington Spirit’s season also begins in August. The Spirit is Washington’s National Women’s League, with matchups occurring between the San Diego Wave, the North Carolina Courage, the Orlando Pride, and the Bay FC.

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Summer in D.C. brings sports, Restaurant Week, festivals, and more

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Washington Spirit CEO Kim Stone hosts Pride Night OUT on Sunday, Aug. 23. (Photo courtesy of Washington Spirit)

Summer in D.C. just hits different. Congress is out, school is out, the sun is out, thighs are out. With the skies clearing from Canadian smoke, here are a few ways to stay entertained.

Dining

Summer restaurant week: The Restaurant Association of Metropolitan Washington (RAMW) is once again hosting Summer Restaurant Week, Aug. 18-24. This weeklong dining experience showcases the dynamic dining scene of the DMV, including 2026 RAMMY Award-winning favorites (the annual D.C. food awards show that took place June 29). Participating restaurants will offer three-course brunch and lunch selections for $25 or $35 per person, and three-course dinners for $40, $55 and $65 per person.

New Restaurants: A handful of new spots have opened, so the summer is a great time to check them out:

  • Oribu: A new Mediterranean-Japanese restaurant in the Grand Hyatt hotel, which just underwent a remodeling effort. The sleek restaurant brings upscale charm, with dishes like Wagyu beef tartare with potato pavé and caviar.
  • The Oak Room: A snazzy old-school American grill has just opened in Georgetown, alongside its sister upstairs supper club (Bernadette’s) restaurant, in the old El Centro space.
  • Uchi: This showy Japanese sushi-forward chain has landed in Dupont with a chef’s tasting menu of favorites like fatty tuna.
  • Kathmandu: Recalling the capital of Nepal, this warm, buzzy subterranean restaurant right in the heart of U Street brings spice, flair, and rare ingredients to its dishes (see: buffalo burgers) and drinks.

Sports

  • Washington Spirit Pride Night OUT: On Sunday, Aug. 23, head to Audi Field for a massive, high-energy game following the exciting month of World Cup. The designated Pride Night OUT game promises boisterous crowds plus pre- and post-game community engagements. 
  • Washington Tennis Open – Now called the Mubadala DC Open, this annual tournament is only combined mens’ and womens’ 500-level tennis tournament in the world. The open is one of D.C.’s longest-standing sports traditions, and will take place at the Rock Creek Park Tennis Center July 25-Aug. 2. Naomi Osaka, Venus Williams, Ben Shelton, Frances Tiafoe, and others are expected to play.

Festivals

  • Afro Plus Fest: This huge, three-day Afro-Caribbean Hip-Hop Festival brings together headliners Davido, Alkaline, and Wizkid, plus Tems and Ayra Starr. The event moves from RFK to the Northwest Stadium Complex for three days, Sept. 4-6.
  • Capital Fringe Festival: Running from July 11-21, this massive celebration features dozens of live theater, comedy, dance, and boundary-pushing nighttime performances across multiple DC neighborhoods. 
  • The National Book Festival returns, with headliners like Cynthia Erivo, and Martin Scorsese. The one-day festival, Saturday, Aug. 22, brings together bookworms and word nerds under the theme “America 250: It’s Your Story.” There are talks, workshops, musical sessions and more.
  • All Things Go: A three-day festival Sept. 25-27 at Merriweather Post Pavilion featuring Mitski, Hayley Williams, Brandi Carlile, MUNA, Zara Larsson, Ethel Cain, and many, many more artists. There are single-day and three-day tickets. Featuring and highlighting female artists, the festival has turned into a must-see for many LGBTQ audience members.
  • Fuchsia Fest: The inaugural Fuchsia Fest is a new multi-day celebration created to celebrate LGBTQ community and expression, bringing together a mix of community gatherings, entertainment, and nightlife. The event takes place Sept. 18-20 and is hosted by Capital Pride.

Art and Music

  • United We Dance: A high-energy rave with house, techno, bass, and festival music, on Aug. 1 at the 9:30 Club. 
  • The Fray. On Aug. 14, this American rock band famous for How To Save A Life is at Merriweather Post Pavilion.
  • Kesha: Kesha’s high-energy The Freedom Tour comes to the D.C. area on Aug. 14 at Jiffy Lube Live.
  • ALOK: On Sept. 3 at Lincoln Theater, ALOK (they/them) performs. The poet, comedian, and actor is putting on a new comedy show.
  • 2charm, the emerging Australian electronic club-pop duo popular with the queer community, which blends hyperpop and dance music, comes to the Atlantis.
  • Sapphic Dance Party: a vibrant, inclusive nightlife and social event designed specifically for queer women, lesbians, bisexuals, trans individuals, and nonbinary folks, at Atlantis on Aug. 21.
  • Jazz in the Garden: The most quintessential of D.C. activities returns Friday evenings through Aug. 14. This season’s theme, “American Sounds,” is a nod to the nation’s 250th anniversary. Tunes themes range from Appalachian and Americana to Creole jazz, Hill Country blues, contemporary jazz, and more. Tickets are available through a lottery system a week before each event.
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