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BETTY’s triumphant return

D.C. band gearing up for World AIDS Day show

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BETTY, gay news, Washington Blade
BETTY interview, gay news, Washington Blade

From left are Elizabeth Ziff, Amy Ziff and Alyson Palmer of BETTY. (Photo by Erin Schaff)

BETTY 

 

World AIDS concert

 

The Hamilton

 

600 14th St., N.W.

 

Tuesday, Dec. 1

 

Doors 6:30 p.m.

 

Show 7:30 p.m.

 

$20-30

 

For fans of “The L Word,” BETTY has been in your living room for years.

The band, originating in Washington, formed after performing at a party for the original owner of the 9:30 Club, Dodie Bowers. Since then, sisters Amy and Elizabeth Ziff and Alyson Palmer have performed at numerous LGBT rights, pro-choice and HIV/AIDS awareness events. With Amy on vocals and cello, Elizabeth on vocals and guitar and Palmer on vocals and bass, the trio, who now reside in New York City, are approaching their 30th anniversary and performing at the Hamilton for World AIDS Day on Tuesday, Dec. 1. A portion of the profits will benefit Whitman-Walker Health.

During a phone interview in the recording studio, Amy and Elizabeth discussed their new album, ties to D.C. and how they feel about being called a lesbian band.

 

WASHINGTON BLADE: What are you working on in the recording studio?

ELIZABETH: We’re working on our next album it should be out in springtime. Our next full album with the producer Mike Thorn.

 

BLADE: What’s the recording process been like so far?

ELIZABETH: It’s been good and interesting because Mike produced our first album in 1991, so it’s nice to be working with him again. We’ve done a couple of albums with him. It’s an interesting process to go back and look 20-something years ago and then to look now. I think it’s a little bit more open about change when you get to work with somebody that you’ve known a long time. You trust them a little bit more.

AMY: We’re looking at some songs that we’ve been performing and looking at them differently to record. It’s fun, it’s really opening them up.

 

BLADE: How did the band get started?

AMY: We started in Washington. We advertised on the radio for a bass player and I think Alyson was the third. Alyson called me at the job I had at the time and we talked for a really, really long time. She came over to audition and basically stayed almost all night.

ELIZABETH: Amy and I were actually still living at our parents’ house. We were little kids.

AMY: We laughed and starting working on songs and that was that. It was the beginning.

ELIZABETH: That was our first band together. Then Dodie Bowers from the original 9:30 Club asked us to sing at her Valentine’s Day party. She heard that we sing a cappella sometimes so we sang a cappella and then people loved it. So we decided to start BETTY. Coming up in 2016 this is going to be our 30th anniversary.

 

BLADE: You’re also very involved in LGBT rights and women’s equality. What made you decide to use your music this way? Was it always the plan to be so political?

AMY: I think we’ve always been political. We came of age in D.C. and it was a very political time. D.C. has always been political and I’m sure it still is, because the industry there is politics. So we were involved with feminist causes and LGBT stuff and AIDS work very early on. It was just a part of who we were. You went to Take Back the Night marches and you went to pro-choice stuff. When we started doing music we performed at them. It was sort of a synthesis of who we were as feminists and who we were as women at the time.

ELIZABETH: Also, AIDS started affecting a lot of our friends. As musicians, we tried to start singing or performing in any kind of way, on any scale, that would make us feel less helpless. Because our friends were getting sick and dying. I don’t know what comes first whether you’re an arts activist or an activist artist but they just seemed to happen at the same time.

AMY: Also, at the time we actually did some stuff for Whitman-Walker and early stuff for gay Pride. No one played at gay pride in the early days because people were afraid. It was back when it was hidden sort of behind P Street.

ELIZABETH: We were like, ‘Of course we’ll play for gay Pride,’ and we thanked our friends in the hospital and things like that. Whitman-Walker is such a great organization and has been around for so long and it’s in D.C. so it’s really fun to be back and to be able too give back a little to the community in D.C.

 

BLADE: The band has also provided the theme song for “The L Word.” How did that collaboration come about? Did you expect the show to be as popular as it became?

ELIZABETH: Ilene Chaiken asked four different bands to submit a theme song because she really wanted the theme song to reflect the actual song. So we submitted ours and three or four other bands did and the network chose the song, and they chose ours. We didn’t know the show was going to be such a seminal, groundbreaking show. It was really exciting to be a part of it. You have to understand that we had been together for 20 years already and then the show happened so it opened up a whole new thing for us. Especially in Europe and South America so that’s been really great and really fun.

 

BLADE: Since the band has been involved in things like “The L Word” and LGBT rights, how much of that is a part of your band’s identity?

ELIZABETH: As an identity, its female-identified. Now, we’ve never really labeled ourselves as a lesbian band because Alyson is straight. We’ve always played for gay rights and lesbian rights and trans rights. We’ve done a lot of pro-choice work, cancer and AIDS work. But our music hopefully transcends politics.

AMY: Our music isn’t really political. It’s fun and dance or folky or thoughtful. But we like to involve ourselves in causes that are important to us. But our music is pop music.

ELIZABETH: Other people can label us however they want. If they want us to be a lesbian band then right on. If they want us to be a gay band, fine. But we don’t really label ourselves because we don’t need to. I think labels hopefully are going away a little bit. Except for the label of being women and feminists.

 

BLADE: How do you find performing in D.C. different from your home base New York?

AMY: We are always really excited to go back to D.C. to perform. We actually did the soundscape for an exhibit at the Freer/Sackler museum right now. It’s called Peacock Room: Remix. It’s the re-do of Whistler’s Peacock Room. We were so excited to be a part of that and to be a part of Darren Waterston’s amazing piece. So we did some events in synthesis to promote that and to be a part of the Smithsonian. A lot of old friends came out and a lot of people that we hadn’t seen. When we did our off-Broadway show “BETTY Rules” we were excited that all of the references that we put in the show really came to life when we were performing in Washington. That’s when we started as a band. That was a really great time to perform our show there. It was so exciting.

ELIZABETH: We haven’t been back to play at a club in D.C. in a while. The last time was at the 9:30 Club and that was a few years ago. We heard the Hamilton was fun. What’s always been great about D.C. is that hopefully we get what we always get, which is a nice mix of race and gender and sexual identity as well.

AMY: People who knew us when we lived there can bring other people that don’t know about us or their kids or their parents.

ELIZABETH: People who know us from “The L Word” and are curious to see how we are live because we’re fun live.

 

BLADE: This show is also a holiday show. What can people expect? Will you be performing any of your new music?

AMY: I think a couple of our fresh new songs that we’ve never performed before will be there. And also some of our holiday songs that we’ve written. And some of our songs that aren’t holiday, but can be put in a holiday context. So you can expect to have a good time. Laugh a little bit, maybe feel a little bit. Move a little bit, cruise a little bit.

ELIZABETH: People will be cruising a lot.

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Creator Max Mutchnick on inspirations for ‘Mid-Century Modern’

Real-life friendships and loss inform plot of new Hulu show

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Max Mutchnick, one of the creators of ‘Will & Grace’ is back with his new show ‘Mid-Century Modern.’ (Photo by Luke Fontana)

It’s been a long time – maybe 25 years when “Will & Grace” debuted – since there’s been so much excitement about a new, queer sitcom premiering. “Mid-Century Modern,” which debuted on Hulu last week, is the creation of Max Mutchnick and David Kohan, the gay men who were also behind “Will & Grace.” 

Set in Palm Springs, Calif., following the death of the one of their closest friends, three gay men gather to mourn. Swept up in the emotions of the moment, Bunny (Nathan Lane) suggests that Atlanta-based flight attendant Jerry (Matt Bomer) and New York-based fashion editor Arthur (Nathan Lee Graham) move into the mid-century modern home he shares with his mother Sybil (the late Linda Lavin). Over the course of the first season’s 10 episodes, hilarity ensues. That is, except for the episode in which they address Sybil’s passing. The three male leads are all fabulous, and the ensemble cast, including Pamela Adlon as Bunny’s sister Mindy, and the stellar line-up of guest stars, such as Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Vanessa Bayer, Richard Kind, and Cheri Oteri, keep humor buzzing. Shortly before the premiere of “Mid-Century Modern,” Mutchnick made time for an interview with the Blade.

BLADE: I’d like to begin by saying it’s always a delight to speak to a fellow Emerson College alum. In ways would you say that Emerson impacted your professional and creative life?

MAX MUTCHNICK: I think Emerson was the first place that reflected back to me that my voice, my thoughts were good, and they were worth listening to. I developed a confidence at Emerson that did not exist in my body and soul. It was a collection of a lot of things that took place in Boston, but I mean we can just put it all under the Emerson umbrella.

BLADE: Before “Will & Grace,” you co-created the NBC sitcom “Boston Common,” which starred fellow Emerson alum Anthony Clark. Is it important for you to maintain those kinds of alumni relationships?

MUTCHNICK: Because Emersonians are such scrappy little monkeys and they end up being everywhere in the world, you can’t help but work with someone from Emerson at some point in your career. I’m certainly more inclined to engage with someone from Emerson once I learn that they went to my alma mater. For me, it has much more to do with history and loyalty. I don’t think of myself as one of those guys that says, “Loyalty means a lot to me. I’m someone that really leans into history.” It’s just what my life and career turned out to be. The longer I worked with people and the more often I worked with them, the safer that I felt, which means that I was more creative and that’s the name of the game. I’ve got to be as comfortable as possible so I can be as creative as possible. If that means that a person from Emerson is in the room, so be it. (Costume designer) Lori Eskowitz would be the Emerson version. And then (writer and actor) Dan Bucatinsky would be another version. When I’m around them for a long time, that’s when the best stuff comes.

BLADE: Relationships are important. On that subject, your new Hulu sitcom “Mid-Century Modern” is about the longstanding friendship among three friends, Bunny (Nathan Lane), Jerry (Matt Bomer), and Arthur (Nathan Lee Graham). Do you have a friendship like the one shared by these three men?

MUTCHNICK: I’m absolutely engaged in a real version of what we’re projecting on the show. I have that in my life. I cannot say that I’m Jerry in any way, but the one thing that we do have in common is that in my group, I’m the young one. But I think that that’s very common in these families that we create. There’s usually a young one. Our culture is built on learning from our elders. I didn’t have a father growing up, so maybe that made me that much more inclined to seek out older, wiser, funnier, meaner friends. I mean the reason why you’re looking at a mouthful of straight, white teeth is because one of those old bitches sat across from me about 25 years ago at a diner and said, “Girl, your teeth are a disaster, and you need to get that fixed immediately.” What did I know? I was just a kid from Chicago with two nickels in my pocket. But I found three nickels and I went and had new teeth put in my head. But that came from one of my dearest in the group.

BLADE: Do you think that calling “Mid-Century Modern” a gay “Golden Girls” is a fair description?

MUTCHNICK: No. I think the gay “Golden Girls” was really just used as a tool to pitch the show quickly. We have an expression in town, which is “give me the elevator pitch,” because nobody has an attention span. The fastest way you can tell someone what David (Kohan) and I wanted to write, was to say, “It’s gay Golden Girls.” When you say that to somebody, then they say, “OK, sit down now, tell me more.” We did that and then we started to dive into the show and realized pretty quickly that it’s not the gay “Golden Girls.” No disrespect to the “Golden Girls.” It’s a masterpiece.

BLADE: “Mid-Century Modern” is set in Palm Springs. I’m based in Fort Lauderdale, a few blocks south of Wilton Manors, and I was wondering if that gay enclave was ever in consideration for the setting, or was it always going to be in Palm Springs?

MUTCHNICK: You just asked a really incredible question! Because, during COVID, Matt Bomer and I used to walk, because we live close by. We had a little walking group of a few gay gentlemen. On one of those walks, Matt proposed a comedy set in Wilton Manors. He said it would be great to title the show “Wilton Manors.” I will tell you that in the building blocks of what got us to “Mid-Century Modern,” Wilton Manors, and that suggestion from Matt Bomer on our COVID walks, was part of it.

BLADE: Is Sybil, played by the late Linda Lavin, modeled after a mother you know?

MUTCHNICK: Rhea Kohan (mother of David and Jenji). When we met with Linda for the first time over Zoom, when she was abroad, David and I explained to her that this was all based on Rhea Kohan. In fact, some of the lines that she (Sybil) speaks in the pilot are the words that Jenji Kohan spoke about her mother in her eulogy at the funeral because it really summed up what the character was all about. Yes, it’s very much based on someone.

BLADE: The Donny Osmond jokes in the second episode of “Mid-Century Modern” reminded me of the Barry Manilow “fanilows” on “Will & Grace.” Do you know if Donny is aware that he’s featured in the show?

MUTCHNICK: I don’t. To tell you the truth, the “fanilow” episode was written when I was not on the show. I was on a forced hiatus, thanks to Jeff Zucker. That was a show that I was not part of. We don’t really work that way. The Donny Osmond thing came more from Matt’s character being a Mormon, and also one of the writers. It’s very important to mention that the writing room at “Mid-Century Modern,” is (made up of) wonderful and diverse and colorful incredible humans – one of them is an old, white, Irish guy named Don Roos who’s brilliant…

BLADE: …he’s Dan Bucatinsky’s husband.

MUTCHNICK: Right! Dan is also part of the writing room. But I believe it was Don who had a thing for Donny, and that’s where it comes from. I don’t know if Donny has any awareness. The only thing I care about when we turn in an episode like that is I just want to hear from legal that we’re approved.

BLADE: “Mid-Century Modern” also includes opportunities for the singers in the cast. Linda Lavin sang the Jerome Kern/Ira Gershwin tune “Long Ago (And Far Away)” and Nathan Lane and the guys sang “He Had It Coming” from “Chicago.” Was it important to give them the chance to exercise those muscles?

MUTCHNICK: I don’t think it was. I think it really is just the managers’ choice. David Kohan and I like that kind of stuff, so we write that kind of stuff. But by no means was there an edict to write that. We know what our cast is capable of, and we will absolutely exploit that if we’re lucky enough to have a second season. I have a funky relationship with the song “Long Ago (And Far Away).” It doesn’t float my boat, but everybody else loved it. We run a meritocracy, and the best idea will out. That’s how that song ended up being in the show. I far prefer the recording of Linda singing “I’ll Be Seeing You” over her montage in episode eight, “Here’s To You, Mrs. Schneiderman.” We were just lucky that Linda had recorded that. That recording was something that she had done and sent to somebody during COVID because she was held up in her apartment. That’s what motivated her to make that video and send it. That’s how we were able to use that audio.

BLADE: Being on a streaming service like Hulu allows for characters to say things they might not get away with on network TV, including a foreskin joke, as well as Sybil’s propensity for cursing.

MUTCHNICK: And the third line in the show is about him looking like a “reluctant bottom.” I don’t think that’s something you’re going to see on ABC anytime soon. David and I liked the opportunity to open up the language of this show because it might possibly open the door to bringing people…I’m going to mix metaphors…into the tent that have never been there before. A generation that writes off a sitcom because that language and that type of comedy isn’t the way that they sound. One of the gifts of doing this show on Hulu is that we get to write dialogue that sounds a little bit more like you and I sound. As always, we don’t want to do anything just to do it.

BLADE: It didn’t feel that way.

MUTCHNICK: It’s there when it’s right. [Laughs] I want to have a shirt made with Linda’s line, as her mother always used to say, “Time is a cunt.”

BLADE: “Mid-Century Modern” also utilizes a lot of Jewish humor. How important is it for you to include that at this time when there is a measurable rise in anti-Semitism?

MUTCHNICK: I think it’s important, but I don’t think it’s the reason why we did it. We tried very hard to not write from a place of teaching or preaching. We really are just writing about the stuff that makes us laugh. One of the things that makes something better and something that you can invest in is if it’s more specific. We’re creating a character whose name is Bunny Schneiderman and his mother’s name is Sybil and they made their money in a family-run business, it gets Jewy, and we’re not going to shy away from it. But we’re definitely not going to address what’s going on in the world. That doesn’t mean I don’t find it very upsetting, but I’m writing always from the point of view of entertaining the largest number of people that I can every week.

BLADE: “Mid-Century Modern” has a fantastic roster of guest stars including Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Vanessa Bayer, Billie Lourd, Cheri Oteri, Richard Kind, Rhea Perlman, and Judd Hirsch. Are there plans to continue that in future seasons?

MUTCHNICK: Yes. As I keep saying, if we’re so lucky that we get to continue, I don’t want to do “The Love Boat.” Those are fine comic actors, so I don’t think it feels like that. But if we get to keep going, what I want to do is broaden the world because that gives us more to write about. I want to start to introduce characters that are auxiliary to the individuals. I want to start to meet Arthur’s family, so we can return to people. I want to introduce other neighbors, and different types of gay men because we come in so many different flavors. I think that we should do that only because I’m sure it’s what your life is and it’s what my life is. I’ve got a lot of different types. So, yes, we will be doing more.

BLADE: Finally, Linda Lavin passed away in December 2024, and in a later episode, the subject of her character Sybil’s passing is handled sensitively, including the humorous parts.

MUTCHNICK: We knew we had a tall order. We suffered an incredible loss in the middle of making this comedy. One of the reasons why I think this show works is because we are surrounded by a lot of really talented people. Jim Burrows and Ryan Murphy, to name two. Ryan played a very big role in telling us that it was important that we address this, that we address it immediately. That we show the world and the show goes on. That wasn’t my instinct because I was so inside the grief of losing a friend, because she really was. It wasn’t like one of those showbizzy-type relationships. And this is who she was, by the way, to everybody at the show. It was the way that we decided to go. Let’s write this now. Let’s not put this at the end of the season. Let’s not satellite her in. Let’s not “Darren Stevens” the character, which is something we would never do. The other thing that Jim Burrows made very clear to us was the import of the comedy. You have to write something that starts exactly in the place that these shows start. A set comedy piece that takes place in the kitchen. Because for David and me, as writers, we said we just want to tell the truth. That’s what we want to do with this episode and that’s the way that this will probably go best for us. The way that we’ve dealt with grief in our lives is with humor. That is the way that we framed writing this episode. We wanted it to be a chapter from our lives, and how we experience this loss and how we recover and move on.

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Margaret Cho returns to music with ‘Lucky Gift’

Collection of pop tunes includes tribute to non-binary people

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Margaret Cho is back with a new album, ‘Lucky Gift.’ (Photo by Sergio Garcia)

LOS ANGELES — It has been eight years since Margaret Cho released her Grammy-nominated “American Myth” album. She’s back to the music scene with her new album, “Lucky Gift,” an 11-track collection of anthems and pop tunes, a tribute to Robin Williams, and a shout-out to non-binary and gender non-conforming people.

The album captures the whirlwind that is Margaret and all of the different facets of her talents that have made her a powerhouse in entertainment and a leader in activism. In “Lucky Gift,” she’s getting her point across while having fun and getting glam. 

We caught up with the activist and artist to chat about her music, our political climate, and the power of pop divas.

Known for her comedy, acting, and activism, she felt it was long overdue to get her music back out there too.

“I make music often. It’s a part of my daily life, it’s a big part of my social life, and it’s just something that I just love to do for my own relaxation and fun. I had enough for an album and I wanted to finally put them out. I was just really proud of how it all sounded together,” shares Cho. 

“It’s a power pop record. For me, the songs are really meaningful. They’re all in their own way love songs. I’m a big fan of my own music (laughs), I really like the way that I sound and it’s really special to do. People know me as a comedian, and I have also made music for a long time, but it’s sort of a side project, and so it was time to put more out again.”

Her album also includes a touching tribute to Robin Williams. The entertainment community is finally more comfortable talking about mental health more openly. When relating mental health to her own life, Margaret, in true Margaret form, quickly turned the conversation to reflect today’s political climate.

“I have to maintain a level of peace and quiet and sometimes maybe get away from the news, although that’s tough because I am obsessed. I want to know what is happening. I’m really worried for our community, especially the trans community.  I’m worried that this administration is trying to separate T and the Q from the LGBTQIA, and it’s really frightening.”

As an elder, Cho says she has to also remember that we’ve been through this before and it’s actually been much worse. As a community, we’ve been through a similar situation, and we were facing down a pandemic, which was killing us by the millions. So at least now we don’t have to fight AIDS as well as this onslaught of homophobia.

“We have fought for our rights, and we still have them, but we may not have them for long. So our mental health is very important to preserve now because we have to fight. The one thing to remember is they can’t do everything at once. They can’t take away trans rights, queer rights, gay rights, gay marriage, anti-depressants —ha — at the same time. So what we can do is just try to remain as calm as possible and fight as strongly as we can. But yeah, mental health is really vitally important right now.”

Margaret’s long history of queer activism stands for itself. She does not shy away from current issues, she uses her platforms to incite, educate, and question. For Margaret, there is no time off from being an activist. She was born into it, so to speak, being raised in San Francisco in the 1970s, her parents — the owners of a gay bookstore — and their employees followers of Harvey Milk.

“My activism is that I don’t have a choice. I’m going to be an activist no matter what. We’re doing this together, we’re going through this together. I will always be political. It’s just disheartening to see the ignorance of people and the lies that are being told that are believed.”

Margaret’s “Lucky Gift” comes at a perfect time when the queer community can come together over music. Cho looks at her album as a tool to empower an underdog community through the power of music.

It’s the triumph of pop above all. We need to look to our pop divas above all. So now I’m more than ever, leaning on Madonna. [Thank God for Lady Gaga’s] “Abracadabra” because I think that things like that boost our community so much. When you can just get together and have a “brat summer,” that boosts our community so much in this togetherness, this explosion of excitement. I think Chappell Roan really ignited the pop capacity for healing. I love ‘Lucky Gift’ because it is my stepping into a pop diva moment. Pop divas should not be discounted for how important they are to our society and how much they lift us up.”

In addition to releasing her new album, Cho will continue to hit the road this year with her “Live and LIVID! Tour,” celebrating more than four decades of live stand-up shows. On this tour, she promises to rage about homophobia, sexism, racism, and the fight to stay alive. The five-time Grammy and Emmy-nominated performer is not holding back. According to her, the nation is not divided, just a little lost.

“We’re not divided. Everybody hates this. We all hate this. The fact is, the majority of the country does not want this. Unfortunately, a lot of people just didn’t vote because they just didn’t want to participate. That’s why we’re in the situation that we’re in. So to be on the road is a pleasure. And I rarely come against opposition. Every once in a while there’s something, but it’s something that we all handle. I think we all need a voice, a strong voice of reason to combat all of the hysteria.”

And her message to her fans?

“We’ll get through this. We’ll get through this with pop divas. ‘Abracadabra,’ learn the choreography, you do it sitting down. At least we have pop music, I have my hat in the ring here. But at least we have each other and we’re going to be OK. It’s going to be a ride, it’s going to be intense, but we can do this. We’ve been through this before and we are going to be fine.”

“Lucky Gift”is now available on all major streaming platforms.

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Meet the people giving a voice to LGBTQ truck drivers

‘Like therapy,’ finding solace in each other and the road

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Rickey Coffey-Loy (left) drives with his partner of 17 years, Bobby Coffey-Loy, for a company called Luna Lines.

Before embarking on his weekly 2,000-mile trip as a truck driver, Derric Schmid sets up his smart TV and preps meals in bulk like ham and potatoes.

To some, long hours on the road away from family and friends sounds grueling. But for Schmid, it’s his way of life.

“I love the freedom,” Schmid said. “I get paid to go see the country. I’ve spent New Year’s Eve in New Orleans, I’ve spent it in St. Louis and this year I spent Christmas out in California exploring.”

Schmid is the vice president and senior diversity officer of LGBTQ+ Truck Driver Network (TDN), a nonprofit he runs with founder Bobby Coffey-Loy. TDN aims to foster inclusivity and safety in the truck driving industry by building a supportive network of allies and queer truckers.

The organization vets companies (Schmid says he calls 50-100 per week) to understand which are committed to creating safe spaces for drivers of all backgrounds. Schmid and Coffey-Loy also host the Big Gay Trucker Podcast, where they interview people who need advice or want to discuss taboo topics.

Coffey-Loy said meeting people from different walks of life, including trans people recovering from surgeries while on the road, inspired him to create TDN.

“It just opened me up to a whole group of people that just needed representation,” Coffey-Loy said. “There are groups out there on [social media] pages, but nobody actually took it as far as a nonprofit organization.”

Coffey-Loy drives with his partner of 17 years, Ricky, for a company called Luna Lines. Together they drive about 6,000 miles a week, taking turns sleeping or keeping one another company. On Monday, they typically start a load in Jacksonville and then drive to New Mexico, Chicago, Baltimore, Tennessee and end up back home in Palm Coast, Fla., by Friday. They even pay for all their gas and food while on the road.

Doing a weekly cross-country road trip in tight quarters with your partner can be trying, and Coffey-Loy will be the first to admit that: “Your partner is someone that knows how to push your buttons faster than anybody else,” he laughed.

But he also said starting truck driving together eight years ago is what made him and his husband closer. Before driving, he said it felt like life and jobs sometimes got in the way of their relationship. Going to trucking school together and being able to support each other on the road over the years has sparked a different kind of connection in their lives.

“We didn’t want to be apart from each other, so that’s what made trucking work for us,” he said.

For both Schmid and Coffey-Loy, truck driving runs in the family. Schmid, who’s been driving trucks for almost 24 years and with TDN for more than two, calls Jonestown, Pa., home –– a borough with a 2023 population of 1,645. He had three uncles and a grandfather who were truck drivers.

Coffey-Loy, born and raised in West Virginia, said his father and grandfather were truck drivers. 

Continuing family tradition is respectable enough, but Coffey-Loy’s mission of creating a safe and supportive space for those in the industry was unique; it was difficult for his parents to accept his identity when he first came out.

Coffey-Loy’s parents passed away 11 months apart last year. He said they learned to grow to love him for who he was. When TDN started up, they became “mom and dad to everyone,” and even invited people with no familial structure to move in with them.

At get-togethers, his dad called everyone “sweetie” or “honey” to be respectful since he didn’t know how everyone identified. 

“What they’ve taught me is, if they can change their mind and they can accept everybody, anybody can,” Coffey-Loy said. “I will cherish it forever. I miss them every day.”

And the impact of this lesson has been tried and true. TDN attended the Mid-America Trucking Show despite receiving death threats and facing extra security measures –– yet they ran through dozens of handouts before their station even opened. Another year, they handed out condoms to promote safe sex on the road and were met with backlash –– yet they went through a whole box on the first day.

The team behind TDN may be small –– about eight people –– but Schmid said their reach is wide. Thousands of people visit their social media pages from around the world and connect with each other, including a vocal German bus driver and a man from Africa trying to create more queer visibility in his area.

Coffey-Loy said many people contact him directly for support. There was a straight man who called who had trouble balancing his home life and truck driving hours and expressed suicidal thoughts. The man said he saw Coffey-Loy’s number and needed someone to talk to.

Moments like those are why Coffey-Loy emphasizes that the organization is there to support everyone, not solely the LGBTQ community. He recalled a bonfire gathering where people of different backgrounds and identities laughed and talked as friends. 

“It’s why you do what you do,” Coffey-Loy said.

Although TDN has given many people a family away from home, it doesn’t make losing time with family and friends any easier. Coffey-Loy missed a family member’s funeral in West Virginia because he was in New Mexico and couldn’t abandon his load.

“He had already been buried before I could get back,” he said.

It’s a different way of life, but it’s not an impossible one. Schmid calls his mom and stepfather every morning and his mom again in the evenings. He gets on group calls with friends and TDN members. On weekends, Schmid sees some friends in person for dinners, and is able to visit with his family. 

Truck driving may mean frequently saying goodbye to close people in his life, but it also opens the door to new connections around the country: “I got friends in every state,” Schmid said.

Although he’s constantly traveling, Coffey-Loy always feels at home. It’s those nights driving, with nothing but the roaring hum of the road filling the silence while his husband sleeps behind him, that fulfill him.

“Even though you miss so much of your everyday life, there’s something about trucking that is so freeing,” Coffey-Loy said. “The road can be so loud in your life, and it has a way to really sort out things. It’s like therapy for me.” 

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