Opinions
Gay men talking about mental health
Why don’t we take it as seriously as physical fitness?
I’ve always found it interesting and amusing that as gay kids we did pretty much anything we could to get out of gym, but as gay adults we more or less flock to them. I remember in sixth grade being terrified of Coach Whitmore and this terrible, sadistic game he invented called “crab soccer.”
That was then. And I’m sure most of us had Coach Whitmore in our childhoods. But now many us can’t imagine gay city life without the gym. For various reasons best explored in other columns, gay men put a huge premium on their physical state. Naturally, we want to look good, and feel good, but why does it seem that when it comes to our mental health, many of us don’t seem to invest as much?
I was wondering about this issue — gay men and mental health — so I grabbed my friend Bobby, who last year started his own organization, Strength in Our Voices, with a mission to provide support for people impacted by mental health issues. We sat down a few Sundays ago in Larry’s Lounge. Here’s what he had to stay:
Tell me more about Strength in Our Voices
SiOV is a mental health non-profit dedicated to eliminating stigmas surrounding mental health. Our mission is to create an environment of trust and support for those impacted by mental health issues through open dialogue, education, empowerment, and positive change. As a group, we are individuals that have either experienced mental health issues firsthand or truly believe in the cause of eliminating stigmas so that we can all live in a more understanding world. We hope to use the power of social media and storytelling to bring insights to our community. Additionally, we host events not only to raise money but also to bring the community together to talk about mental health stigma.
What has SiOV been up to lately?
This past spring, SiOV hosted its first “Summer of Strength Benefit for Change” in D.C. where we raised more than $16,000. With these proceeds we are bringing Sources of Strength, a permanent, comprehensive suicide prevention program, to McLean High School in Fairfax County, a region that has witnessed high rates of teen suicide in recent years. We are facilitating the program build out at McLean this fall
Why is mental health important to you?
I’ve gone through so much in my own life. From being bullied during middle and high school to the process of coming out in college. More recently, I struggle with anxiety on a daily basis and regularly see a therapist to work on stress reduction.
I know that talking about the issues I’ve experienced has been the most important action I’ve ever taken to improve my own health. If I had found a platform or comfort with which to do so sooner in my life, I wouldn’t have had to suffer alone as long as I did. I hope to be able to touch lives so that someone out there might feel like they are not alone, and even find it in themselves to seek help through a friend, family, or medical professional.
What issues surrounding mental health are of particular importance to gay men?
Generally, LGBTQ individuals are three times more likely than others to experience a mental health condition such as major depression or generalized anxiety disorder. Additionally, gay men experience identity issues, post-traumatic stress disorder, suicide ideation, substance abuse and body dysmorphia, among others.
In my opinion, I think that the mental health issues gay men face originate from two primary sources: societal expectations and the gay social scene.
There’s a dynamic between gay men and heterosexual/religious communities. That is, there’s a sense of wanting to remain acceptable within the eyes of a majority that had recently rejected us. This may be changing as younger generations enter into adulthood. However, I do feel as if many of us expect to face homophobia or discrimination at some point. Whether this makes us sensitive, defensive or want to seem impressive, I’m not sure. But there’s something there that has an effect on our mental health.
Regarding the gay community, we live in a hypersexualized, active community that is both vain and self-loathing. One on hand, we are accepting of differences, but on the other hand, we are body shaming, judgmental critics – mostly of ourselves. Social media self-affirmation is common; we are constantly bombarded by shirtless selfies. Body dysmorphia is a huge issue in the gay community as a result. We are also a close-knit, extremely social, but small community which makes gay men both competitive and cliquey. I think that the concept of being a fabulous, multi-faceted, A-type gay who throws perfect dinner parties is something that plagues much of the gay community. We constantly size ourselves up to other gay men. Additionally, we tend to interact with a number of gay men, but we aren’t particularly close with a majority of them (it’s simply not possible to be close friends with that many people). As a result, we know everyone, but we don’t really know everyone; judgment and gossip fills the gaps.
Is the stigma surrounding mental health more or less so in the gay community?
I think it’s useful to distinguish between stigma and “self stigma.” Stigma is a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person (i.e. simply, a negative stereotype). “Self stigma” is the internalization of negative beliefs.
Mental health stigma in the gay community is both more and less pervasive. On one end, gay men tend to be more open and accepting of feelings, issues, differences, and hardship than their heterosexual counterparts. At the end of the day, we recognize that our experiences are quite similar and tend to talk more freely with each other about those experiences.
However, on the other end, we can be dramatic, shallow, judgmental, gossip-folk in an incredibly social community, which leads to more “self stigma.” I believe that many gay men think regularly about judgment, being stereotyped by other gay men, and being accepted by different cliques within the gay community.
Where do you hope to take SiOV?
I certainly hope to be able to raise more money to bring useful programs to the community. I also hope to be able to dig into the many specific mental health issues we all face, ones that may seem relatively mundane, and share detailed stories on those issues so that new perspectives are illuminated. Maybe you learn something new. Maybe you simply find that the information resonates. Ultimately, if we understood how similar we really are, we will not only treat each other differently, but also, we will treat our own selves differently.
Bobby and I both felt it necessary to state that neither of us are professionals when it comes to mental health. If you find yourself needing assistance, contact either SiOV or the myriad other community resources available such as Whitman-Walker Health.
Brock Thompson is a D.C.-based freelancer writer. He writes regularly for the Blade.
Letter-to-the-Editor
Candidates should pledge to nominate LGBTQ judge to Supreme Court
Presidential, Senate hopefuls need to go on the record
As soon as the final votes are cast and counted and verified after the November 2026 elections are over, the 2028 presidential cycle will begin in earnest. Polls, financial aid requests, and volunteer opportunities ad infinitum will flood the public and personal media. There will be more issues than candidates in both parties. The rending of garments and mudslinging will be both interesting and maybe even amusing as citizens will watch how candidates react to each and every issue of the day.
There is one particular item that I am hoping each candidate will be asked whether in private or in public. If a Supreme Court vacancy occurs in your potential administration, will you nominate an open and qualified LGBTQ to join the remaining eight?
Other interest groups on both sides have made similar demands over the years and have had them honored. Is it not time that our voices are raised as well? There are several already sitting judges on both state and federal benches that have either been elected statewide or approved by the U.S. Senate.
Our communities are being utilized and abused on judicial menus. Enough already! Challenge each and every candidate, regardless of their party with our honest question and see if honest answers are given. By the way … no harm in asking the one-third of the U.S. Senate candidates too who will be on ballots. Looking forward to any candidate tap dancing!
Opinions
2026 elections will bring major changes to D.C. government
Mayor’s office, multiple Council seats up for grabs
Next year will be a banner year for elections in D.C. The mayor announced she will not run. Two Council members, Anita Bonds, At-large, and Brianne Nadeau, Ward 1, have announced they will not run. Waiting for Del. Norton to do the same, but even if she doesn’t, there will be a real race for that office.
So far, Robert White, Council member at-large, and Brooke Pinto, Council member Ward 2, are among a host of others, who have announced. If one of these Council members should win, there would be a special election for their seat. If Kenyon McDuffie, Council member at-large, announces for mayor as a Democrat, which he is expected to do, he will have to resign his seat on the Council as he fills one of the non-Democratic seats there. Janeese George, Ward 4 Council member, announced she is running for mayor. Should she win, there would be a special election for her seat. Another special election could happen if Trayon White, Ward 8, is convicted of his alleged crimes, when he is brought to trial in January. Both the Council chair, and attorney general, have announced they are seeking reelection, along with a host of other offices that will be on the ballot.
Many of the races could look like the one in Ward 1 where at least six people have already announced. They include three members of the LGBTQ community. It seems the current leader in that race is Jackie Reyes Yanes, a Latina activist, not a member of the LGBTQ community, who worked for Mayor Fenty as head of the Latino Affairs Office, and for Mayor Bowser as head of the Office of Community Affairs. About eight, including the two Council members, have already announced they are running for the delegate seat.
I am often asked by candidates for an endorsement. The reason being my years as a community, LGBTQ, and Democratic, activist; and my ability to endorse in my column in the Washington Blade. The only candidate I endorsed so far is Phil Mendelson, for Council chair. While he and I don’t always agree on everything, he’s a staunch supporter of the LGBTQ community, a rational person, and we need someone with a steady hand if there really are six new Council members, out of the 13.
When candidates call, they realize I am a policy wonk. My unsolicited advice to all candidates is: Do more than talk in generalities, be specific and honest as to what you think you can do, if elected. Candidates running for a legislative office, should talk about what bills they will support, and then what new ones they will introduce. What are the first three things you will focus on for your constituents, if elected. If you are running against an incumbent, what do you think you can do differently than the person you hope to replace? For any new policies and programs you propose, if there is a cost, let constituents know how you intend to pay for them. Take the time to learn the city budget, and how money is currently being spent. The more information you have at your fingertips, the smarter you sound, and voters respect that, at least many do. If you are running for mayor, you need to develop a full platform, covering all the issues the city will face, something I have helped a number of previous mayors do. The next mayor will continue to have to deal with the felon in the White House. He/she/they will have to ensure he doesn’t try to eliminate home rule. The next mayor will have to understand how to walk a similar tightrope Mayor Bowser has balanced so effectively.
Currently, the District provides lots of public money to candidates. If you decide to take it, know the details. The city makes it too easy to get. But while it is available, take advantage of it. One new variable in this election is the implementation of rank-choice voting. It will impact how you campaign. If you attack another candidate, you may not be the second, or even third, choice, of their strongest supporters.
Each candidate needs a website. Aside from asking for donations and volunteers, it should have a robust issues section, biography, endorsements, and news. One example I share with candidates is my friend Zach Wahls’s website. He is running for United States Senate from Iowa. It is a comprehensive site, easy to navigate, with concise language, and great pictures. One thing to remember is that D.C. is overwhelmingly Democratic. Chances are the winner of the Democratic primary will win the general election.
Potential candidates should read the DCBOE calendar. Petitions will be available at the Board of Elections on Jan. 23, with the primary on June 16th, and general election on Nov. 3. So, ready, set, go!
Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.
Opinions
Lighting candles in a time of exhaustion
Gunmen killed 15 people at Sydney Hanukkah celebration
In the wake of the shooting at Bondi Beach that targeted Jews, many of us are sitting with a familiar feeling: exhaustion. Not shock or surprise, but the deep weariness that comes from knowing this violence continues. It is yet another reminder that antisemitism remains persistent.
Bondi Beach is far from Washington, D.C., but antisemitism does not respect geography. When Jews are attacked anywhere, Jews everywhere feel it. We check on family and friends, absorb the headlines, and brace ourselves for the quiet, numbing normalization that has followed acts of mass violence.
Many of us live at an intersection where threats can come from multiple directions. As a community, we have embraced the concept of intersectional identity, and yet in queer spaces, many LGBTQ+ Jews are being implicitly or explicitly asked to play down our Jewishness. Jews hesitate before wearing a Magen David or a kippah. Some of us have learned to compartmentalize our identities, deciding which part of ourselves feels safest to lead with. Are we welcome as queer people only if we mute our Jewishness? Are those around us able to acknowledge that our fear is not abstract, but rooted in a lived reality, one in which our friends and family are directly affected by the rise in antisemitic violence, globally and here at home?
As a result of these experiences, many LGBTQ+ Jews feel a growing fatigue. We are told, implicitly or explicitly, that our fear is inconvenient; that Jewish trauma must be contextualized, minimized, or deferred in favor of other injustices. Certainly, the world is full of horror. And yet, we long for a world in which all lives are cherished and safe, where solidarity is not conditional on political purity or on which parts of ourselves are deemed acceptable to love.
We are now in the season of Chanuka. The story of this holiday is not one of darkness vanishing overnight. It is the story of a fragile light that should not have lasted. Chanuka teaches us that hope does not require certainty; it requires persistence and the courage to kindle a flame even when the darkness feels overwhelming.
For LGBTQ+ Jews, this lesson resonates deeply. We have survived by refusing to disappear across multiple dimensions of our identities. We have built communities, created rituals, and embraced chosen families that affirm the fullness of who we are.
To our LGBTQ+ siblings who are not Jewish: this is a moment to listen, to stand with us, and to make space for our grief. Solidarity means showing up not only when it is easy or popular, but especially when it is uncomfortable.
To our fellow Jews: your exhaustion is valid. Your fear is understandable, and so is your hope. Every candle lit this Chanuka is an act of resilience. Every refusal to hide, every moment of joy, is a declaration that hatred will not have the final word.
Light does not deny darkness. It confronts it.
As we light our candles this Chanuka season, may we protect one another and bring light to one another, even as the world too often responds to difference with violence and hate.
Joshua Maxey is the executive director of Bet Mishpachah, D.C.’s LGBTQ synagogue.
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