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Hopeful glimmers

LGBT education activists report small gains despite overall political hostility

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LGBT education, gay news, Washington Blade, LGBT students

Despite setbacks, LGBT education activists are still making strides. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

My son is starting high school this fall, which I find hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday that I was driving him to preschool. This year feels different for other reasons, too.

Last year, we headed into school time with the assumption that progress toward LGBT equality and inclusion in education would continue with little hindrance. This year, however, the pall of federal actions against LGBT students, particularly transgender ones, hangs heavy over all of us.

One of the first acts of the Trump administration was to withdraw guidance instituted by the Obama administration on how schools should protect transgender and gender-nonconforming students under Title IX. More recently, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos, a proponent of allowing students to use publicly subsidized vouchers to go to private schools, was asked by reporters on Aug.Ā  4, ā€œif she would intervene if states offered vouchers to private schools that discriminated against LGBT students,ā€ the ACLU reports. They note, ā€œShe declined to answer or provide reassurance that taxpayer dollars would not be used to discriminate.ā€

And despite growing efforts in recent years to reduce anti-LGBT and other forms of bullying in schools and online, we now have a president whose personal behavior has been described as ā€œa lot like plain old bullyingā€ (CNNā€™s Chris Cillizza) and ā€œbear[ing] many of the hallmarks of cyberbullyingā€ (Politicoā€™s Sarah Holder).

If you think the presidentā€™s behavior doesnā€™t have an impact in our schools, think again. In November, the Southern Poverty Law Centerā€™s Teaching Tolerance project conducted an online survey of 10,000 K-12 educators across the country.

ā€œMore than 2,500 said they knew of fights, threats, assaults and other incidents that could be traced directly to election rhetoric,ā€ it said in a statement. ā€œMany teachers took pains to point out that the incidents they were reporting represent a distinct uptick; these dynamics are new and can be traced directly to the results of the election.ā€ The behavior, it noted, was ā€œdirected against immigrants, Muslims, girls, LGBT students, kids with disabilities and anyone who was on the ā€˜wrongā€™ side of the election.ā€

What hope can we find then, in back-to-school times like these?

First, I do believe we will retain much of the progress we have made toward LGBT inclusion and understanding in schools. Organizations like GLSEN, PFLAG and HRCā€™s Welcoming Schools project have been doing terrific on-the-ground work for years. Resources for educators continue to increase. One recent notable work is Rethinking Sexism, Gender and Sexuality, an essay collection from Rethinking Schools that offers both practical tips and reflective insights on creating classrooms, curriculum and more to nurture all children.

The professional organizations of educators, too, are continuing their support. Last summer, the National Education Association, the National Parent Teacher Association and the American Federation of Teachers had all announced support for plans and policies to promote safety and support for LGBT students, working in partnership with local, state and federal authorities.

Right after the Trump administrationā€™s announcement on trans students this year, Federation President Randi Weingarten said in a statement, ā€œWe want to be clear to those kids: (Abuse and harassment at school for being trans) is not OK with your teachers or with us at the (Federation), and we will continue fighting to protect you.ā€

Additionally, the Federation invited trans student Gavin Grimm, who brought a federal lawsuit against his school for not letting him use the restroom corresponding to his gender identity, to speak at their biennial TEACH convention in Washington in July.

The National Education Association kept up its support by adopting a resolution in June to ā€œcontinue to advanceā€ the rights of LGBT students and educators with a series of specific actions, including offering its members tools to promote local policies; legislative support; filing ā€œfriend of the courtā€ briefs; and not holding meetings in cities with discriminatory policies. The organization also honored federal marriage equality plaintiff Jim Obergefell at its 2017 Human and Civil Rights Awards in July.

And when the Department of Education invited representatives from two anti-LGBT groups to speak at its “Engaging Fathers and Families” event in June, the National Parent Teacher Association withdrew.

I am also encouraged by the strength and resilience of young people themselves. The status of Gavin Grimmā€™s lawsuit is in question now that he has graduated, but he recently told LGBTQ Nation that despite the governmentā€™s anti-trans actions, ā€œI see a positive future … because the conversation is growing.ā€

Regardless of whether Grimm himself succeeds, others are continuing the fight. Three trans students, Juliet Evancho, Elissa Ridenour and A.S., backed by Lambda Legal, reached a settlement Aug. 1 in which the Pine-Richland School District in Pennsylvania agreed to respect trans studentsā€™ identities with regard to student records, names and pronouns; to include gender identity in its nondiscrimination policies and to allow them to use the bathroom matching their gender identities.

And thanks to the efforts of trans advocates and allies in New Jersey, Gov. Chris Christie (R), not known as a strong LGBT supporter, at the end of July signed legislation requiring the state education commission to develop guidelines to create safe and non-discriminatory school environments for trans students.

All is not doom and gloom, therefore, although we shouldnā€™t minimize the struggles that remain. For those seeking some advice and assistance on navigating schools as an LGBT family, Iā€™ve updated my annual annotated list of LGBT back-to-school resources, which you can find atĀ mombian.com.

May the worst struggle we have this year be in trying to get our kids to do their homework.

 

Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian (mombian.com), a GLAAD Media Award-winning blog and resource directory for LGBT parents.

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Real Estate

Navigating DMV real estate market during political unrest

Reductions in federal employment have introduced uncertainties

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Despite Elon Muskā€™s cuts to the federal workforce, D.C.ā€™s real estate market continues to thrive. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

The  Washington, D.C.-Maryland-Virginia (DMV) region has long been recognized for its robust housing market, underpinned by the presence of the federal government and a diverse economic landscape. Recent massive reductions in federal employment have introduced uncertainties, yet the area continues to offer compelling reasons for prospective homebuyers, particularly within diverse communities.

While the federal government has traditionally been a significant employer in the DMV, the region has proactively diversified its economic base. Sectors such as technology, professional services, education, and healthcare have expanded, mitigating the impact of federal job cuts. This diversification fosters some economic resilience, which offers our area a semblance of protection against the impending unknowns that we currently face. Nothing can shield real estate entirely; however, our area tends to survive these types of changes better than other parts of the country.

Despite concerns over federal layoffs, the DMV housing market has demonstrated notable stability. Analyses indicate that the number of active listings, sold properties, and median sales prices have remained steady on a year-over-year basis. This steadiness suggests that the market is adapting to changes without significant disruption. 

Furthermore, while there has been a slight increase in home listings, this trend aligns with typical seasonal variations and does not solely reflect federal employment changes. The luxury property segment, in particular, continues to thrive, indicating sustained interest and investment in the region. 

The DMV region is renowned for its cultural and demographic diversity, with areas like Montgomery County, Md., being among the most ethnically diverse in the nation. This inclusivity extends to various communities, including LGBTQ individuals, fostering a welcoming environment that enhances the areaā€™s appeal. Even though the current administration is fostering anti-diversity ideology, I remain confident that our LGBTQ community will continue to thrive even as these destructive forces work against us.

Local governments within the DMV have implemented policies aimed at promoting affordable housing and preventing displacement, particularly in the wake of economic shifts. Initiatives like the Douglass Community Land Trust in Washington, D.C., exemplify efforts to maintain housing affordability and support community stability. 

Additionally, jurisdictions such as Montgomery County have longstanding Moderately Priced Dwelling Unit (MPDU) programs that require developers to include affordable housing in new residential developments. These policies contribute to socioeconomically mixed neighborhoods, benefiting diverse populations. 

Despite Elon Muskā€™s brandishing of a chainsaw to the federal workforce, our real estate market continues to thrive. The DMV region maintains its appeal. Economic diversification, market stability, commitment to diversity and inclusion, and progressive housing policies collectively contribute to an environment that supports and attracts diverse communities. Prospective homebuyers can find reassurance in the regionā€™s resilience and ongoing efforts to foster an inclusive and vibrant community. These are only a few among the many reasons to have a positive outlook while considering real estate options in our area.

It is important to consider working with brokerages, brokers, agents, lenders and title companies who align with our community and our objectives. Not all LGBTQ agents work for brokerages that support or understand the needs of the members of our community. Do your research and find out who has donated money to what political causes. Now more than ever we must support members of our community to protect our way of life and our very existence.


Stacey Williams-Zeiger is president/principal broker of Zeiger Realty Inc. Reach her at [email protected].

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Advice

Am I addicted to hooking up?

At 34, I donā€™t like the person Iā€™ve become

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(Photo by edwardolive/Bigstock)

Hi Michael,

When I came to D.C. for college and came out, I was idealistic about finding true love. I made gay friends at school and watched them hooking up all the time.

It seemed like the opposite of what I wanted. I dreamed of meeting ā€œPrince Charmingā€ and living happily ever after. I thought I would put off sex until I met my special guy.

This went on for a while until I got too horny and impatient to keep putting off sex. The boyfriend wasnā€™t materializing so I went online and hooked up. Actually it was a lot of fun.

Soon I was hooking up as much as any of my friends were. I kept hoping Iā€™d still find my prince.Ā But over time most of my energy shifted to finding guys to have sex with.

Now Iā€™m 34. Iā€™ve been at this a long time and I realized the other day that I donā€™t like my life.

I havenā€™t been on a real date in years but Iā€™m hooking up multiple times a week. Iā€™ve been with almost everyone I see on the apps whom I find attractive (where the feeling was mutual). And yes, Iā€™ve been with a lot whom I didnā€™t find attractive because I was horny.

I look at myself and I think, yuk. I donā€™t like whom Iā€™ve become.

I feel like I am addicted to hooking up. I just keep craving something. The release but mostly the attention, that the other person finds me hot. After I come, I feel like the whole thing was pointless, and a little disgusted with myself. Advice?

Michael replies:

Youā€™re using hookups not just for sex, but as a way to feel good about yourself by getting positive attention from others. Ā 

But other-validation is like junk food, a sugary snack that staves off hunger for a few minutes and never really fills you up. All those guys you hook up with? The attention feels great, but as you wrote, that feeling lasts until your orgasm. And then youā€™re back to chasing it.

As with junk food, the other-validation you get when you hook up is a lot of empty calories. Having someone you donā€™t even know agree to have sex with you says nothing meaningful about your worth or even your attractiveness.Ā 

Yet another problem: If you believe that you need other-validation, you will do all sorts of self-damaging behaviors to get itā€”such as hookups that leave you feeling empty and disgusted.Ā Iā€™ve seen many people lose their self-respect in the service of getting other peopleā€™s positive attention through behaviors that violate their own integrity. Doing things that make you feel bad about yourself in an attempt to feel good about yourself is ironic, and sad. Ā 

The bottom line is that other people canā€™t ā€œmakeā€ you feel good about yourself. Ā They might give you a small temporary boost, but your self-esteem actually has to come from you. Thatā€™s why itā€™s called self-esteem. Once you are past a certain age, if you donā€™t believe that you have value, no one else can get you there. You have to validate yourself.

Letā€™s go big-picture for a moment: It is our parentsā€™ job to teach us that we have value when we are little, and when that doesnā€™t happen, we often struggle with self-esteem throughout our lives, unless we can find a path to develop our own belief in our worth. In the meantime, we may chase other-validation in a futile attempt to fill ourselves up. 

Other experiences we go throughā€”for example, growing up gay in a hostile environmentā€”can also do a number on how we see ourselves, and leave us grasping for affirmation from others. It takes work to get through and get past the impact of these experiences.

So how do you get better at giving yourself the validation you are seeking? Thereā€™s a great saying from the 12-step programs: If you want to have self-esteem, behave in esteemable ways.Ā 

What would it mean for you to behave in a way that you respect? Your letter provides one answer that is true for you: Stop engaging in sexual encounters that leave you disliking yourself.  

Far easier said than done, right? But that doesnā€™t mean itā€™s impossible. Having gotten clarity that you donā€™t like the life youā€™ve constructed for yourself, now you actually can do something about it. Keep in mind, though, that you will face some challenges if you stop hooking up.  

First: You may find it isolating and scary to stop doing something that all or most of your friends are doing. You will have to reassure yourself that youā€™re doing whatā€™s right for you; that you are taking good care of yourself by choosing to avoid behaviors that leave you feeling bad; and that itā€™s OK to be different from ā€œeveryone else.ā€ In other words, you are going to have to get much better at self-validation.

If you have some friends who donā€™t spend a lot of their time hooking up, they may be good supports for you. Some guys find camaraderie from attending a 12-step program like Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA).

Second: People often use hookups (and sex) not just for sexual gratification, but to soothe anxiety, stress, depression, and other uncomfortable feelings. If you stop hooking up, you will likely need some other ways to keep yourself calm and to steady your mood. Exercise and meditation are two obvious means. 

Youā€™d be wise to figure out new ways to fill your time that give you a sense of meaning and connection. I canā€™t tell you what those might be; only you can figure out what is right for you. They might include developing or deepening warm friendships, taking good care of yourself, finding a new activity that interests you ā€” the list can go on and on.  

If you still want to find your prince, this is the way to go about it. The clichĆ© is true: You canā€™t expect anyone to like you unless you like yourself. If you build a life rich in fulfilling pursuits that help you to feel good about who you are and the life you are leading, you will be transforming yourself into relationship material.

Keep in mind, though, that letting yourself get close to someone through a heart connection would mean having to confront all sorts of uncomfortable emotions, including feeling vulnerable, that you have avoided by limiting yourself to crotch attachments. 

That said, working to become a more solid person would help you develop the strength to tolerate the ongoing challenges of a close relationship.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online atĀ michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it toĀ [email protected].

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Real Estate

New trends for old kitchens

New trends for old kitchens

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Kitchen trends favor a modern, organic style. (Photo by zstockphotos/Bigstock)

Whether you are upgrading parts of your current home to prepare it for sale or enhancing the home you just purchased, kitchens and bathrooms are still at the top of the renovation list.

Kitchen renovations have always embraced a blend of functionality, personalization, and aesthetic appeal; however, homeowners are currently moving away from sterile, uniform designs, opting instead for spaces that reflect warmth, character, and individual style. Here are some of the most prominent trends shaping kitchen renovations this year.

Warm and Earthy Tones

The dominance of all-white kitchens is waning as homeowners gravitate toward warmer, earth-toned palettes. Shades like sage green, navy blue, and natural wood finishes are becoming popular choices for cabinetry, infusing kitchens with a cozy and inviting atmosphere. This shift reflects a desire for spaces that feel more personalized and less clinical. Flat panel and Shaker cabinets continue to be popular options.

Integration of Organic Modernism

The “modern organic” style is gaining traction, characterized by using natural materials, neutral color palettes, and serene layouts. Incorporating elements like soapstone countertops, Venetian plaster walls, slate floors, and greenery not only enhances aesthetic appeal but can also increase home values significantly. Fully outfitted outdoor kitchens further contribute to this trend.

Innovative Kitchen Island Designs

Kitchen islands continue to be central features, with designs evolving to incorporate textures, wood and tile cladding, multifunctional elements, and bold colors and materials. Integrated seating areas, waterfall countertops, and the use of monolithic stone or stacked marble are becoming increasingly popular. These islands not only serve as functional workspaces but also as striking focal points within the kitchen.

Concealed Kitchens for a Sleek Look

The concept of concealed kitchens is on the rise, emphasizing built-in appliances, flush cabinetry, and appliance garages to maintain a clutter-free environment. This design approach fosters a minimalist aesthetic, creating a seamless flow between the kitchen and adjacent living areas, particularly in open-concept homes.

Personalized Cabinetry and Storage Solutions

Customization is key in modern kitchen designs, with homeowners seeking tailored storage solutions that cater to their specific needs. Features like hidden storage compartments, integrated lighting, and unique hardware choices are being favored over generic, cookie-cutter options. This trend underscores a move toward kitchens that are both functional and reflective of personal style.

Revival of Traditional Styles with Modern Twists

Traditional kitchen styles are making a comeback, with a contemporary twist. Elements such as expanded backsplash coverage, classic tile shapes and patterns, use of mixed metals, and specialty appliances are being integrated into modern kitchens, blending the charm of the past with the conveniences of the present. Custom range hoods, coffee bars and microwave drawers are increasingly added to renovation projects. This fusion creates spaces that are both timeless and equipped for modern living.

Sustainable and Natural Materials

Sustainability remains a priority, with an increased use of eco-friendly materials like reclaimed wood, recycled metals and glass, and energy-efficient appliances. This not only reduces environmental impact but also introduces unique texture and shimmer into kitchen designs, adding depth and character to the space.

Use of Bold Colors and Accents

Homeowners are becoming more adventurous with color and texture, incorporating vibrant hues and tactile materials into their kitchen designs. Features like colorful window trims, two-tone cabinets, and the use of wallpaper and feature walls add visual interest and a personalized touch to the space. In addition to the familiar white, major appliances are now shown in matte black, navy, and jewel tones of red, green, and blue. There are even vinyl wraps and magnet covers that allow for more creativity and individualization with appliances.

Integration of Smart Technology

The incorporation of smart technology continues to grow, with appliances featuring automated cooking functions, sensor reheating, and control locks becoming more prevalent. Induction stoves are entering the mix. Charging stations and touch-activated cabinet doors and faucets are also popular. LED lighting lasts longer and prevents you from having to climb a ladder to change lightbulbs on a high or vaulted ceiling. These advancements enhance convenience and efficiency, aligning with the modern homeowner’s desire for a kitchen that supports a tech-savvy and busy lifestyle.

Multifunctional Spaces

Kitchens are increasingly being designed as multifunctional spaces that accommodate cooking, dining, working, and socializing. This has led to the inclusion of features like integrated seating, versatile lighting, and adaptable layouts that can easily transition between different uses, reflecting the evolving role of the kitchen in contemporary homes. Still, donā€™t be surprised to see a resurgence of self-contained kitchens with real walls.

So, whether the kitchen you want is sleek and modern, earthy and organic, or traditional and elegant, there will always be fresh new styles, ideas, innovations and classic touches that cater to your lifestyle.

Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.

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