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Friend of Pride flag designer oversees release of posthumous memoir

Late seamster fond of gender-fuck photo shoots, wearing dresses and wigs to meetings

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Gilbert Baker, gay news, Washington Blade
Gilbert Bakersewing the mile-long gay Pride flag in 1994. Baker as pink Jesus at San Francisco Pride, 1990. (Photos courtesy Charles Beale)

ā€˜Rainbow Warrior: My Life in Colorā€™ 

By Gilbert Baker

Chicago Review Press  

$26.99    

256 pages

In his entertaining and historical memoir, the Pride flag creator recalled an early debate over which way to hang the flag for its inaugural flight. The solution was to fly two of them.

ā€œWeā€™d hang one with the pink stripe on the top and the other with the pink strip on the bottom,ā€ the late Gilbert Baker writes in his book ā€œRainbow Warrior: My Life in Color.ā€

ā€œā€˜We are a versatile peopleā€™,ā€ he adds, quoting a friendā€™s joke regarding ā€œtalk of tops and bottoms.ā€

ā€œRainbow Warriorā€ is Bakerā€™s deeply personal memoir which weaves together his process for creating an iconic LGBT symbol of hope, in contrast to the Nazi-era pink triangle, with his own struggle for identity and freedom. 

It opens with his difficulties as a queer youth in a repressive 1950s household, discovering love and sexuality in the Army and eventually blossoming as a seamstress for the early San Francisco gay rights movement. The work also details Bakerā€™s activism during the AIDS crisis, culminating in the creation of the worldā€™s longest Pride flag in time for Stonewallā€™s 25th anniversary celebration in New York City.

ā€œOne of the funnest memories was when he was doing the mile-long rainbow flag he was represented by a company called Stadtlanders,ā€ says Charley Beal, Bakerā€™s friend and estate manager, while in New York celebrating Stonewallā€™s 50th anniversary. ā€œThey were essentially a mail order pharmacy (during the AIDS crisis) and the corporate sponsors for the flag.ā€

He remembered ā€œall these straight peopleā€ at Stadtlanders pretending to be sympathetic to the cause while complaining about Baker wearing dresses to board meetings. Beale, who is also gay, is more conservative in his attire.

ā€œSo, Gilbert read them the riot act about Stonewall,ā€ Beal says. ā€œAnd how Stonewall was started by drag queens and trans people, not rich, white gay people down on Wall Street and said, ā€˜You canā€™t talk to me that way. You canā€™t tell me not to wear a dress.ā€™ He was furiously sewing when I showed up. He explained what happened and I said, ā€˜Oh God, youā€™ve been driven to drag.ā€™ā€

Baker returned to the meeting dressed even more flamboyantly in his best black sequined gown and Barbra Streisand wig. 

This empowering moment underscores Bakerā€™s lifelong struggles with gender identity, which is an intriguing undercurrent in his memoir.  

ā€œThe idea of a sex change had first crossed my mind in childhood,ā€ he writes. ā€œIt was more than just wearing dresses. I wondered if I was a woman trapped in a manā€™s body. Ultimately, I didnā€™t surgically remove my penis, but I didnā€™t stop wearing dresses.ā€

Beal, went on to describe that while the photogenic Baker would often wear long hair and luxurious gowns in pictures, ā€œhe would keep his beard and mustache.ā€

ā€œVery genderqueer,ā€ Beal says. ā€œI have photographs of him in some of the ā€˜genderfuckā€™ photography. That is a term used for people posing using very clear male and female imagery.ā€

While in New York for World Pride, Beal spoke with trans flag creator Monica Helm. He tried to better understand his friendā€™s femme gay expression.

ā€œSo he did not identify as a woman by gender, but he questioned it,ā€ Beal says. ā€œBut reading Monicaā€™s book, Monica felt like she had to have the surgery. I think Gilbert liked to express himself by dressing in dresses but he never expressed any interest in becoming physically a woman.ā€

For Beal the matter seemed relatively settled, Baker was a gender non-conforming gay man. But Bakerā€™s thoughts revealed in his memoir seem more fluid, similar to his ā€œversatileā€ decision to fly his flag in both directions simultaneously.

These historical gems and insights from Bakerā€™s memoir illustrate why Beal felt it was important for LGBT youth to go to primary sources and their LGBT elders instead of just ā€œGooglingā€ their past.

ā€œI just kind of laugh because Google is just so notoriously corrupted,ā€ he says. ā€œGoogle is only going to show you what (its formulas) decide you want to see. It keeps you in your silos and itā€™s terrible. Itā€™s not a reliable source of data for history. They should learn from their elders directly instead of just Googling it.ā€

Beal also felt the internet could encourage divisiveness and discourage LGBT youth while the intention of the Pride flag was to show ā€œwe all share universal values despite our differences.ā€

ā€œThey were getting it,ā€ Baker originally wrote after seeing the crowds gathered to witness the Pride flag fly for the first time. ā€œOwning it, feeling it as part of them, understanding the diversity of sexual freedom it represented for everyone: gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, straight, whatever your sex, whatever your color. Visible, with liberty and justice for all.ā€

Beal agrees, believing Bakerā€™s greatest legacy is when Pride flags are used to create LGBT safe spaces throughout the world.

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Books

New book helps vulnerable people to stay safe

Tips for overcoming crippling effects of fear

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(Book cover image courtesy of Beacon Press)

ā€˜The Cost of Fearā€™
By Meg Stone
c.2025, Beacon Press
$26.95/232 pages

The footsteps fell behind you, keeping pace.

TheyĀ wereĀ loud as an airplane, a few decibelsĀ belowĀ the beat of your heart. Yes, someone was following you,Ā and you shouldnā€™tĀ have letĀ itĀ happen.Ā Youā€™re no dummy. Youā€™re no wimp.Ā Read the new book,Ā ā€œThe Cost of Fearā€ by Meg Stone,Ā and youā€™re no statistic. Ask around.

Query young women, older women, grandmothers, and teenagers. Ask gay men, lesbians, and trans individuals, and chances are that every one of them has a story of being scared of another person in a public place. Scared ā€“ or worse.

Says author Meg Stone, nearly half of the women in a recent survey reported having ā€œexperienced… unwanted sexual contactā€ of some sort. Almost a quarter of the men surveyed said the same. Nearly 30 percent of men in another survey admitted to having ā€œperpetrated some form of sexual assault.ā€

We focus on these statistics, says Stone, but we advise ineffectual safety measures.

ā€œVictim blame is rampant,ā€ she says, and women and LGBTQ individuals are taught avoidance methods that may not work. If someoneā€™s in the ā€œearly stages of their careers,ā€ perpetrators may still hold all the cards through threats and career blackmail. Stone cites cases in which someone who was assaulted reported the crime, but police dropped the ball. Old tropes still exist and repeating or relying on them may be downright dangerous.

As a result of such ineffectiveness, fear keeps frightened individuals from normal activities, leaving the house, shopping, going out with friends for an evening.

So how can you stay safe?

Says Stone, learn how to fight back by using your whole body, not just your hands. Be willing to record whatā€™s happening. Donā€™t abandon your activism, she says; in fact, join a group that helps give people tools to protect themselves. Learn the right way to stand up for someone whoā€™s uncomfortable or endangered. Remember that you canā€™t be blamed for another personā€™s bad behavior, and it shouldnā€™t mean you canā€™t react.

If you pick up ā€œThe Cost of Fear,ā€ hoping to learn ways to protect yourself, there are two things to keep in mind.

First, though most of this book is written for women, it doesnā€™t take much of a leap to see how its advice could translate to any other world. Author Stone, in fact, includes people of all ages, genders, and all races in her case studies and lessons, and she clearly explains a bit of what she teaches in her classes. That width is helpful, and welcome.

Secondly, she asks readers to do something potentially controversial: she requests changes in sentencing laws for certain former and rehabilitated abusers, particularly for offenders who were teens when sentenced. Stone lays out her reasoning and begs for understanding; still, some readers may be resistant and some may be triggered.

Keep that in mind, and ā€œThe Cost of Fearā€ is a great book for a young adult or anyone who needs to increase alertness, adopt careful practices, and stay safe. Take steps to have it soon.

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Books

ā€˜Hurt Capitalā€™ chronicles young life of bipolar, trans writer

New book from Isaac Amend a rich and complicated tale

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ā€˜Hurt Capitalā€™ is available now at Amazon and from other retailers.

Washington Blade contributor Isaac Amend has published a new book, ā€œHurt Capital,ā€ chronicling a range of topics related to his transgender status, a personal struggle following a psychotic breakdown, and more.  

BLADE: Why did you write this book and why now?

ISAAC AMEND: In college, I was an avid writer for the Yale Daily News, and tried to prepare myself for a good writing career, taking classes with Pulitzer Prize-winner Michael Cunningham, and other notable authors, including Anne Fadiman and Cynthia Zarin. But when I got out of college, I spent six or seven years in the real world, outside of Ivy gates, racking up experiences to write about ā€” whether it was falling in love with a woman, getting hit by a car in Cyprus, or being manic for 13 months straight. But once all of those things were done, I went back to my literary roots, frantically scribbling books and articles in my room at night. Now I want to have some sort of writing career, and I can partly thank the Blade for that, as you welcome most of my op-eds. 

I felt like it was important to write about bipolar disorder in very honest and raw terms. I experienced a psychotic break from reality when I was 19 years old that I felt ashamed to tell everyone in my life about, but now I want to come clean with it. Recovering from a psychotic break is a complicated process, and Iā€™ll never really know if my mind has fully recovered, but I do know that because of my break from reality, Iā€™m able to tackle difficult problems in life without getting scared. I feel like itā€™s also important for the general public to know about how much hurt and pain transgender people feel on a daily basis, hence the name ā€œHurt Capital.ā€ 

BLADE: Who’s the audience for your book?

AMEND: Itā€™s funny, this is a question that all authors need to answer in a book proposal to agents, and I did exactly that, querying dozens of agents. My book has three target audiences. The first are expats, or expatriates. These are people who live overseas ā€” either on embassies in South Asia or in suburban compounds on the outskirts of Moscow. These are the places that I grew up in, and I felt ā€œgenderlessā€ for some of my time as an expatriate, frolicking to and fro with not a worry in the world as I grew up in Pakistan and India. I want to connect with other people who have lived overseas. 

The second target audience for my book are twins. I have an identical twin named Helen who is my best friend. Iā€™m constantly trying to be a good brother to her, whether itā€™s helping her move apartments or buying her groceries. We connect on a very deep level, and Iā€™m sure that my gender transition partly shocked her and in some ways, may have made her feel upset. Itā€™s a unique phenomenon when one identical twin wants to be a man, and the other one wants to stay a woman. Iā€™ll never fully understand how God made me bipolar and trans while he made my twin sister non-bipolar and cisgender. 

The third target audience for my book are individuals with mental health issues. I want to connect with other people who have also gone through psychotic breaks, been manic, talked at the speed of light, felt depressed, or felt so anxious that they had to pop a lot of pills and stay in bed. I want to connect with people who suffer from schizophrenia, bipolar, ADHD, and OCD, among many other diseases. These disorders are so complicated in nature, but we need to be honest about their dimensions and how to best treat them. 

BLADE: How long did it take to write and what was your process? 

AMEND: The book didnā€™t take me long to write. I churned out around 5,000 to 7,000 words in one week, then I had a 500 word per day policy ā€” itā€™s a policy I implement with all of my books. I would write 500 words per day usually at a bar at night. I was living in D.C. back then and would frequent Nanny Oā€™Brienā€™s, a well-known Irish dive bar open late. I would pull out my iPhone and write 500 words (but usually more) in Google Docs. There were all sorts of characters at Nanny Oā€™Brienā€™s ā€” bartenders who would scream at me if I didnā€™t tip enough, people from the Russian embassy, and famous politicos who would bring their golden retriever in tow. I almost got into a fistfight there with a Russian diplomat, but still miss the memories that bar curated. I even told my landlord at the time that I associated Nanny Oā€™Brienā€™s with the book. 

BLADE: What are you thoughts on how the new Trump administration has attacked trans rights and do you see any hope in the near future?

AMEND: Itā€™s a travesty, whatā€™s going on. The new administration is cruel beyond belief, yet I still retain some semblance of hope for the future. I see our nation as divided, but a nation that still elects an almost equal amount of Republicans to the presidency as it does Democrats. Most large cities in the U.S. are dominated by progressive people who understand the value in diversifying sexuality and gender identities, and celebrating that diversity. I always tell people to ā€œvote with their feet,ā€ as in, if you have the privilege of being able to move to a new location, move to a city that is full of liberal minded people. But many trans youth donā€™t have the privilege of moving; they are stuck in schools full of students that bully them for their gender. Indeed, there is a massive mental health crisis happening among trans youth. The Trump administration has banned everyone under the age of 19 from receiving gender affirming care, and that is cruel. I have spoken openly about my belief that adolescents and other youth should be able to access puberty blockers, and I maintain that stance. 

This seems out of left field, but Iā€™ve seriously thought about pooling money together to pay for trans youth to receive medical care in Canada. Itā€™s sort of a gauche idea, because trans youth presumably need to stay in school in the U.S., and their parents would have to agree to them going up north, but the idea still persists in my head. I guess I dream of ways that these kids can feel better, and receiving care in Canada comes to mind. 

BLADE: What’s your message to young trans kids who are frightened during these difficult times?

AMEND: Keep your head up. Older trans people like me are fighting for you to have better lives. If someone tries to put you down in school just remember that they are putting you down out of an insecurity they harbor about themself or the world. Secretly, they feel inferior. Donā€™t forget that the qualities that you bring to the table ā€” your unique gender and/or sexual identity ā€” is what makes you beautiful. 

BLADE: There are many queer memoirs out there; what’s unique about your story?

AMEND: My story is intersectional, meaning I weave a story about a transgender man who is also bipolar and is a twin and grew up overseas in Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, India, Russia, and Jordan. Itā€™s not a one-dimensional story. Itā€™s rich and complicated with tales of being manic and going on testosterone and being psychotic and hoping that I donā€™t lose all of my marbles in front of my twin and little sister and the rest of my family. I speak of KGB henchmen in Russia and spooks here in D.C. (kind of like that Russian diplomat who almost tried to punch me). I speak of many thingsā€”not just being queer.

The following is an excerpt from ā€œHurt Capital,ā€ which is available now at Amazon and other retailers.

Dear Mom,

The pills in my bathroom cabinet are sitting next to each other like fifteen linebackers on a football field. Bolton. Edmunds. Greenlaw. Wagner. Warner. The Chiefs are winning, and I havenā€™t even spotted Travis Kelce yet. Theyā€™re all famousā€“each single pill bottleā€“each capsule I need to swallow with orange juice at night. I get the high pulp kind, now, from Trader Joeā€™s, that costs around four bucks. Semi pulp doesnā€™t put the tablets down fast enough. Iā€™ve got every kind of med imaginable since my first episode ten years ago. 

Bipolar has never felt so bad. But itā€™s also never felt so good. The mania that lasted for a year last September has crept away, but its high still remains in my head. At least partly. Partially. Essentially. Basically, it was awesome. I celebrated at every turn. Went walking for hours on end, only to feel my breath creeping into my lungs, and out, past midnight, when I dreamt of fairytales and candy cane land and piles of dollars stacked so high in front of Rick Ross. So high that he forgot he sold coke. I forgot he sold coke. I forgot a lot of that year, Mom. 

Iwant to be like Rick Ross one day. I want to star in a song with Drake. Rapping about lemon pepper chicken and taking my celebrity son to French Montessori. I want to be a hustler, a gangster at every turn, a coke warlord just fiending for a kingdom. The kingdom I create is in my mind: itā€™s ruled by Dostoevsky and Tolstoy and even Pushkin. I named a cat after Pushkin. Russian writers have never felt so real. I want them to come back from the dead and resurrect themselvesā€“all polished and everything. No wax. I remember visiting Tolstoyā€™s grave with you in Moscow, when henchmen roamed the city at night and CIA officers were prowling the embassyā€™s corridors. I was scared in Moscow. Scared back then. Scared of my female body. But now itā€™s a male one, and Iā€™m a son. Iā€™m your son, Mom. But Iā€™m troubled. Very troubled indeed.  

I went to a soccer game again. We are named Footyholics. We played near Logan Circle, in the backyard of a school, and I swear the soccer ball was going to kill me. It hit my head, with a bangā€“not a whimperā€“and zoomed past some crust on my earlobes. My black stud almost shook for a bit. I clenched the ring you got me on my index finger. You got it from Delhi, and now Iā€™m remembering things back there as well, when you and I lived in India. But there are many things I still canā€™t remember, Mom. Just trust me on that one. Trust me. 

Hereā€™s one thing I do remember, though: getting in that car accident with you. In Delhi. You were all up in the front seat, and Helen and I were in the back. And a motorcyclist went clamp on the right window, and his flesh and blood were splayed all near for us to see. He died that day, and I think thatā€™s the first time I ever saw you cry. I only saw you cry a second time, when Dad was in Kabul, and you missed him like hell, and Phoebe had a tantrum on the National Gallery steps, and you drove us back home, teary-eyed, and you just sat crying that day, in the DC suburbs. And there was not a damn thing I could do about it. 

We lost the soccer game. Footyholics lost. But we grabbed a few beers after, at a place near the traffic circle, where expats and missionaries and bankers were fiending for a beer as well, all alike, just as I was fielding for a kingdom in my head. I swear this city is ruled by sociopaths sometimes. They just crawl around here, like ants around a hill, waiting to wreak havoc. 

At the bar we were sitting outside, on a wooden table, and we all ordered some beers and some tacos and stuff. And some burritos with chicken. And I swear I shouldnā€™t drink, but Iā€™m just like your husbandā€“thereā€™s nothing that tastes better than alcohol in this world, Mom. But beer is bad for me. Itā€™s bad for a guy who thinks a soccer ball is going to kill him. At the restaurant, I spotted a street sweeper brushing away leaves. I suddenly fixated on the sweeper: on his crew cut, his black boots, his leather skin. I thought he was manic for leaves. I also thought the waitress hated Jesus until a cross kissed her neck. I thought many things, Mom, and none of them were true. 

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Bookstores full of LGBTQ-themed new releases

Novels, memoirs, and even a George Takei biography

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ā€œIt Rhymes with Takeiā€ (Book cover image courtesy of Top Shelf Productions)

Springtime, where the livinā€™ is already easy, the sun is warm, the fun is just starting, and the bookstores are full of great new releases like these.

NOVELS

For the reader who wants a thriller with a tinge of realism, look for ā€œSleeping Children: A Novelā€ by Anthony Passeron, translated by Frank Wynne (FSG, $27). The year is 1981, and American doctors are baffled by the presence of a disease thatā€™s been popping up. How curious. Across the ocean, French doctors are also seeing the same confusing disease but Passeronā€™s family ā€“ his entire village, in fact ā€“ is dealing with addiction in addition to whatever illness is striking gay men. Yes, this is a novel. Keep telling yourself that. Out April 29.

If youā€™re up for a little romance this summer (and who isnā€™t?), then look for ā€œPioneer Summer: A Novelā€ by Kateryna Sylvanova and Elena Malisova, translated by Anne O. Fisher (Abrams, $27). Itā€™s the story of Yurka, a wild child whoā€™s afraid his time at summer camp is about to be filled with boredom ā€“ until he meets Volodya, whoā€™s nothing at all like Yurka. Whatā€™s that they say about how opposites attract? This book is said to have been banned in Russia, where the authors are TikTok ā€œsensations.ā€ Out June 3.

So youā€™re the type who judges a book by its title. Then meet ā€œEveryone Sux But You,ā€ a graphic novel by K. Wroten (Henry Holt, $27.99). Itā€™s a tale of a girl who doesnā€™t give a, well, you know, about anything but mosh pits, dancing, and her BFF. The two have particularly bonded over a deep loss and that doesnā€™t help their dark outlook but sometimes, you have to see the bright side of life to really live. Out May 20.

MEMOIRS

Fans of Star Trek or of actor George Takei will absolutely want ā€œIt Rhymes with Takeiā€ (Top Shelf Productions, $29.99). Itā€™s a graphic memoir that tells Takeiā€™s story, from childhood to adulthood, about being in the closet for most of his life, and how coming out at age 68 was such a revolution for him. But itā€™s more than a biography; this book also helps readers understand what it was like to be gay for most of the 20th century and why itā€™s important to know. Out June 10.

Hereā€™s another must-have for TV watchers: ā€œSo Gay for You: Friendship, Found Family, and the Show That Started It Allā€ by Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey (St. Martinā€™s Press, $32).  This is the story of two women, a show that might have bombed (hint: it didnā€™t), and the making of a beautiful friendship. If youā€™re a fan of ā€œThe L Word,ā€ the other word youā€™ll use with this book is L-ove. Out June 3

One more, for TV fans: ā€œYet Here I Am: Lessons from a Black Manā€™s Search for Homeā€ by Jonathan Capehart (Grand Central, $30) is a biography from the MSNBC host and member of the Washington Post editorial board. Itā€™s Capehartā€™s story of fitting in, finding his way to success, and standing with feet in two different worlds. Out May 20.

NONFICTION

If youā€™re already eyeballing the idea of eating al fresco, then you must read ā€œDining Out: First Dates, Defiant Nights, and Last Call Disco Fries at Americaā€™s Gay Restaurantsā€ by Erik Piepenburg (Grand Central, $30). Once upon a time, meeting new people wasnā€™t just done in bars or nightclubs. Piepenburg says that even a century ago, gay restaurants were great places to make new friends, find new loves, and have a good meal, too. This fascinating book takes you around the country and through the decades, and itā€™s a fun, fun read. Out June 3.

And when times are bad and youā€™re feeling low, youā€™ll want to pick up ā€œGeneration Queer: Stories of Youth Organizers, Artists, and Educatorsā€ by Kimm Topping and Anshika Khullar (Lee & Low, $22.95). Itā€™s full of inspiring stories of young people, teen leaders, under-30 folks who want to represent and make change. The short biographies in this book are quick to read and theyā€™ll help you understand that the next generation is not about to let things slide backwards. Out May 27.

If these great books arenā€™t enough for you, be sure to talk to your favorite bookseller or librarian. There are lots of books out this spring and coming for summer, and youā€™re not going to want to miss them.

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