Books
Friend of Pride flag designer oversees release of posthumous memoir
Late seamster fond of gender-fuck photo shoots, wearing dresses and wigs to meetings


āRainbow Warrior: My Life in Colorā
By Gilbert Baker
Chicago Review Press
$26.99
256 pages
In his entertaining and historical memoir, the Pride flag creator recalled an early debate over which way to hang the flag for its inaugural flight. The solution was to fly two of them.
āWeād hang one with the pink stripe on the top and the other with the pink strip on the bottom,ā the late Gilbert Baker writes in his book āRainbow Warrior: My Life in Color.ā
āāWe are a versatile peopleā,ā he adds, quoting a friendās joke regarding ātalk of tops and bottoms.ā
āRainbow Warriorā is Bakerās deeply personal memoir which weaves together his process for creating an iconic LGBT symbol of hope, in contrast to the Nazi-era pink triangle, with his own struggle for identity and freedom.
It opens with his difficulties as a queer youth in a repressive 1950s household, discovering love and sexuality in the Army and eventually blossoming as a seamstress for the early San Francisco gay rights movement. The work also details Bakerās activism during the AIDS crisis, culminating in the creation of the worldās longest Pride flag in time for Stonewallās 25th anniversary celebration in New York City.
āOne of the funnest memories was when he was doing the mile-long rainbow flag he was represented by a company called Stadtlanders,ā says Charley Beal, Bakerās friend and estate manager, while in New York celebrating Stonewallās 50th anniversary. āThey were essentially a mail order pharmacy (during the AIDS crisis) and the corporate sponsors for the flag.ā
He remembered āall these straight peopleā at Stadtlanders pretending to be sympathetic to the cause while complaining about Baker wearing dresses to board meetings. Beale, who is also gay, is more conservative in his attire.
āSo, Gilbert read them the riot act about Stonewall,ā Beal says. āAnd how Stonewall was started by drag queens and trans people, not rich, white gay people down on Wall Street and said, āYou canāt talk to me that way. You canāt tell me not to wear a dress.ā He was furiously sewing when I showed up. He explained what happened and I said, āOh God, youāve been driven to drag.āā
Baker returned to the meeting dressed even more flamboyantly in his best black sequined gown and Barbra Streisand wig.
This empowering moment underscores Bakerās lifelong struggles with gender identity, which is an intriguing undercurrent in his memoir.
āThe idea of a sex change had first crossed my mind in childhood,ā he writes. āIt was more than just wearing dresses. I wondered if I was a woman trapped in a manās body. Ultimately, I didnāt surgically remove my penis, but I didnāt stop wearing dresses.ā
Beal, went on to describe that while the photogenic Baker would often wear long hair and luxurious gowns in pictures, āhe would keep his beard and mustache.ā
āVery genderqueer,ā Beal says. āI have photographs of him in some of the āgenderfuckā photography. That is a term used for people posing using very clear male and female imagery.ā
While in New York for World Pride, Beal spoke with trans flag creator Monica Helm. He tried to better understand his friendās femme gay expression.
āSo he did not identify as a woman by gender, but he questioned it,ā Beal says. āBut reading Monicaās book, Monica felt like she had to have the surgery. I think Gilbert liked to express himself by dressing in dresses but he never expressed any interest in becoming physically a woman.ā
For Beal the matter seemed relatively settled, Baker was a gender non-conforming gay man. But Bakerās thoughts revealed in his memoir seem more fluid, similar to his āversatileā decision to fly his flag in both directions simultaneously.
These historical gems and insights from Bakerās memoir illustrate why Beal felt it was important for LGBT youth to go to primary sources and their LGBT elders instead of just āGooglingā their past.
āI just kind of laugh because Google is just so notoriously corrupted,ā he says. āGoogle is only going to show you what (its formulas) decide you want to see. It keeps you in your silos and itās terrible. Itās not a reliable source of data for history. They should learn from their elders directly instead of just Googling it.ā
Beal also felt the internet could encourage divisiveness and discourage LGBT youth while the intention of the Pride flag was to show āwe all share universal values despite our differences.ā
āThey were getting it,ā Baker originally wrote after seeing the crowds gathered to witness the Pride flag fly for the first time. āOwning it, feeling it as part of them, understanding the diversity of sexual freedom it represented for everyone: gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, straight, whatever your sex, whatever your color. Visible, with liberty and justice for all.ā
Beal agrees, believing Bakerās greatest legacy is when Pride flags are used to create LGBT safe spaces throughout the world.

āThe Cost of Fearā
By Meg Stone
c.2025, Beacon Press
$26.95/232 pages
The footsteps fell behind you, keeping pace.
TheyĀ wereĀ loud as an airplane, a few decibelsĀ belowĀ the beat of your heart. Yes, someone was following you,Ā and you shouldnātĀ have letĀ itĀ happen.Ā Youāre no dummy. Youāre no wimp.Ā Read the new book,Ā āThe Cost of Fearā by Meg Stone,Ā and youāre no statistic. Ask around.

Query young women, older women, grandmothers, and teenagers. Ask gay men, lesbians, and trans individuals, and chances are that every one of them has a story of being scared of another person in a public place. Scared ā or worse.
Says author Meg Stone, nearly half of the women in a recent survey reported having āexperienced… unwanted sexual contactā of some sort. Almost a quarter of the men surveyed said the same. Nearly 30 percent of men in another survey admitted to having āperpetrated some form of sexual assault.ā
We focus on these statistics, says Stone, but we advise ineffectual safety measures.
āVictim blame is rampant,ā she says, and women and LGBTQ individuals are taught avoidance methods that may not work. If someoneās in the āearly stages of their careers,ā perpetrators may still hold all the cards through threats and career blackmail. Stone cites cases in which someone who was assaulted reported the crime, but police dropped the ball. Old tropes still exist and repeating or relying on them may be downright dangerous.
As a result of such ineffectiveness, fear keeps frightened individuals from normal activities, leaving the house, shopping, going out with friends for an evening.
So how can you stay safe?
Says Stone, learn how to fight back by using your whole body, not just your hands. Be willing to record whatās happening. Donāt abandon your activism, she says; in fact, join a group that helps give people tools to protect themselves. Learn the right way to stand up for someone whoās uncomfortable or endangered. Remember that you canāt be blamed for another personās bad behavior, and it shouldnāt mean you canāt react.
If you pick up āThe Cost of Fear,ā hoping to learn ways to protect yourself, there are two things to keep in mind.
First, though most of this book is written for women, it doesnāt take much of a leap to see how its advice could translate to any other world. Author Stone, in fact, includes people of all ages, genders, and all races in her case studies and lessons, and she clearly explains a bit of what she teaches in her classes. That width is helpful, and welcome.
Secondly, she asks readers to do something potentially controversial: she requests changes in sentencing laws for certain former and rehabilitated abusers, particularly for offenders who were teens when sentenced. Stone lays out her reasoning and begs for understanding; still, some readers may be resistant and some may be triggered.
Keep that in mind, and āThe Cost of Fearā is a great book for a young adult or anyone who needs to increase alertness, adopt careful practices, and stay safe. Take steps to have it soon.
The Blade may receive commissions from qualifying purchases made via this post.
Books
āHurt Capitalā chronicles young life of bipolar, trans writer
New book from Isaac Amend a rich and complicated tale

Washington Blade contributor Isaac Amend has published a new book, āHurt Capital,ā chronicling a range of topics related to his transgender status, a personal struggle following a psychotic breakdown, and more.

BLADE: Why did you write this book and why now?
ISAAC AMEND: In college, I was an avid writer for the Yale Daily News, and tried to prepare myself for a good writing career, taking classes with Pulitzer Prize-winner Michael Cunningham, and other notable authors, including Anne Fadiman and Cynthia Zarin. But when I got out of college, I spent six or seven years in the real world, outside of Ivy gates, racking up experiences to write about ā whether it was falling in love with a woman, getting hit by a car in Cyprus, or being manic for 13 months straight. But once all of those things were done, I went back to my literary roots, frantically scribbling books and articles in my room at night. Now I want to have some sort of writing career, and I can partly thank the Blade for that, as you welcome most of my op-eds.
I felt like it was important to write about bipolar disorder in very honest and raw terms. I experienced a psychotic break from reality when I was 19 years old that I felt ashamed to tell everyone in my life about, but now I want to come clean with it. Recovering from a psychotic break is a complicated process, and Iāll never really know if my mind has fully recovered, but I do know that because of my break from reality, Iām able to tackle difficult problems in life without getting scared. I feel like itās also important for the general public to know about how much hurt and pain transgender people feel on a daily basis, hence the name āHurt Capital.ā
BLADE: Who’s the audience for your book?
AMEND: Itās funny, this is a question that all authors need to answer in a book proposal to agents, and I did exactly that, querying dozens of agents. My book has three target audiences. The first are expats, or expatriates. These are people who live overseas ā either on embassies in South Asia or in suburban compounds on the outskirts of Moscow. These are the places that I grew up in, and I felt āgenderlessā for some of my time as an expatriate, frolicking to and fro with not a worry in the world as I grew up in Pakistan and India. I want to connect with other people who have lived overseas.
The second target audience for my book are twins. I have an identical twin named Helen who is my best friend. Iām constantly trying to be a good brother to her, whether itās helping her move apartments or buying her groceries. We connect on a very deep level, and Iām sure that my gender transition partly shocked her and in some ways, may have made her feel upset. Itās a unique phenomenon when one identical twin wants to be a man, and the other one wants to stay a woman. Iāll never fully understand how God made me bipolar and trans while he made my twin sister non-bipolar and cisgender.
The third target audience for my book are individuals with mental health issues. I want to connect with other people who have also gone through psychotic breaks, been manic, talked at the speed of light, felt depressed, or felt so anxious that they had to pop a lot of pills and stay in bed. I want to connect with people who suffer from schizophrenia, bipolar, ADHD, and OCD, among many other diseases. These disorders are so complicated in nature, but we need to be honest about their dimensions and how to best treat them.
BLADE: How long did it take to write and what was your process?
AMEND: The book didnāt take me long to write. I churned out around 5,000 to 7,000 words in one week, then I had a 500 word per day policy ā itās a policy I implement with all of my books. I would write 500 words per day usually at a bar at night. I was living in D.C. back then and would frequent Nanny OāBrienās, a well-known Irish dive bar open late. I would pull out my iPhone and write 500 words (but usually more) in Google Docs. There were all sorts of characters at Nanny OāBrienās ā bartenders who would scream at me if I didnāt tip enough, people from the Russian embassy, and famous politicos who would bring their golden retriever in tow. I almost got into a fistfight there with a Russian diplomat, but still miss the memories that bar curated. I even told my landlord at the time that I associated Nanny OāBrienās with the book.
BLADE: What are you thoughts on how the new Trump administration has attacked trans rights and do you see any hope in the near future?
AMEND: Itās a travesty, whatās going on. The new administration is cruel beyond belief, yet I still retain some semblance of hope for the future. I see our nation as divided, but a nation that still elects an almost equal amount of Republicans to the presidency as it does Democrats. Most large cities in the U.S. are dominated by progressive people who understand the value in diversifying sexuality and gender identities, and celebrating that diversity. I always tell people to āvote with their feet,ā as in, if you have the privilege of being able to move to a new location, move to a city that is full of liberal minded people. But many trans youth donāt have the privilege of moving; they are stuck in schools full of students that bully them for their gender. Indeed, there is a massive mental health crisis happening among trans youth. The Trump administration has banned everyone under the age of 19 from receiving gender affirming care, and that is cruel. I have spoken openly about my belief that adolescents and other youth should be able to access puberty blockers, and I maintain that stance.
This seems out of left field, but Iāve seriously thought about pooling money together to pay for trans youth to receive medical care in Canada. Itās sort of a gauche idea, because trans youth presumably need to stay in school in the U.S., and their parents would have to agree to them going up north, but the idea still persists in my head. I guess I dream of ways that these kids can feel better, and receiving care in Canada comes to mind.
BLADE: What’s your message to young trans kids who are frightened during these difficult times?
AMEND: Keep your head up. Older trans people like me are fighting for you to have better lives. If someone tries to put you down in school just remember that they are putting you down out of an insecurity they harbor about themself or the world. Secretly, they feel inferior. Donāt forget that the qualities that you bring to the table ā your unique gender and/or sexual identity ā is what makes you beautiful.
BLADE: There are many queer memoirs out there; what’s unique about your story?
AMEND: My story is intersectional, meaning I weave a story about a transgender man who is also bipolar and is a twin and grew up overseas in Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, India, Russia, and Jordan. Itās not a one-dimensional story. Itās rich and complicated with tales of being manic and going on testosterone and being psychotic and hoping that I donāt lose all of my marbles in front of my twin and little sister and the rest of my family. I speak of KGB henchmen in Russia and spooks here in D.C. (kind of like that Russian diplomat who almost tried to punch me). I speak of many thingsānot just being queer.
The following is an excerpt from āHurt Capital,ā which is available now at Amazon and other retailers.
Dear Mom,
The pills in my bathroom cabinet are sitting next to each other like fifteen linebackers on a football field. Bolton. Edmunds. Greenlaw. Wagner. Warner. The Chiefs are winning, and I havenāt even spotted Travis Kelce yet. Theyāre all famousāeach single pill bottleāeach capsule I need to swallow with orange juice at night. I get the high pulp kind, now, from Trader Joeās, that costs around four bucks. Semi pulp doesnāt put the tablets down fast enough. Iāve got every kind of med imaginable since my first episode ten years ago.
Bipolar has never felt so bad. But itās also never felt so good. The mania that lasted for a year last September has crept away, but its high still remains in my head. At least partly. Partially. Essentially. Basically, it was awesome. I celebrated at every turn. Went walking for hours on end, only to feel my breath creeping into my lungs, and out, past midnight, when I dreamt of fairytales and candy cane land and piles of dollars stacked so high in front of Rick Ross. So high that he forgot he sold coke. I forgot he sold coke. I forgot a lot of that year, Mom.
Iwant to be like Rick Ross one day. I want to star in a song with Drake. Rapping about lemon pepper chicken and taking my celebrity son to French Montessori. I want to be a hustler, a gangster at every turn, a coke warlord just fiending for a kingdom. The kingdom I create is in my mind: itās ruled by Dostoevsky and Tolstoy and even Pushkin. I named a cat after Pushkin. Russian writers have never felt so real. I want them to come back from the dead and resurrect themselvesāall polished and everything. No wax. I remember visiting Tolstoyās grave with you in Moscow, when henchmen roamed the city at night and CIA officers were prowling the embassyās corridors. I was scared in Moscow. Scared back then. Scared of my female body. But now itās a male one, and Iām a son. Iām your son, Mom. But Iām troubled. Very troubled indeed.
I went to a soccer game again. We are named Footyholics. We played near Logan Circle, in the backyard of a school, and I swear the soccer ball was going to kill me. It hit my head, with a bangānot a whimperāand zoomed past some crust on my earlobes. My black stud almost shook for a bit. I clenched the ring you got me on my index finger. You got it from Delhi, and now Iām remembering things back there as well, when you and I lived in India. But there are many things I still canāt remember, Mom. Just trust me on that one. Trust me.
Hereās one thing I do remember, though: getting in that car accident with you. In Delhi. You were all up in the front seat, and Helen and I were in the back. And a motorcyclist went clamp on the right window, and his flesh and blood were splayed all near for us to see. He died that day, and I think thatās the first time I ever saw you cry. I only saw you cry a second time, when Dad was in Kabul, and you missed him like hell, and Phoebe had a tantrum on the National Gallery steps, and you drove us back home, teary-eyed, and you just sat crying that day, in the DC suburbs. And there was not a damn thing I could do about it.
We lost the soccer game. Footyholics lost. But we grabbed a few beers after, at a place near the traffic circle, where expats and missionaries and bankers were fiending for a beer as well, all alike, just as I was fielding for a kingdom in my head. I swear this city is ruled by sociopaths sometimes. They just crawl around here, like ants around a hill, waiting to wreak havoc.
At the bar we were sitting outside, on a wooden table, and we all ordered some beers and some tacos and stuff. And some burritos with chicken. And I swear I shouldnāt drink, but Iām just like your husbandāthereās nothing that tastes better than alcohol in this world, Mom. But beer is bad for me. Itās bad for a guy who thinks a soccer ball is going to kill him. At the restaurant, I spotted a street sweeper brushing away leaves. I suddenly fixated on the sweeper: on his crew cut, his black boots, his leather skin. I thought he was manic for leaves. I also thought the waitress hated Jesus until a cross kissed her neck. I thought many things, Mom, and none of them were true.
The Blade may receive commissions from qualifying purchases made via this post.
Books
Bookstores full of LGBTQ-themed new releases
Novels, memoirs, and even a George Takei biography

Springtime, where the livinā is already easy, the sun is warm, the fun is just starting, and the bookstores are full of great new releases like these.
NOVELS
For the reader who wants a thriller with a tinge of realism, look for āSleeping Children: A Novelā by Anthony Passeron, translated by Frank Wynne (FSG, $27). The year is 1981, and American doctors are baffled by the presence of a disease thatās been popping up. How curious. Across the ocean, French doctors are also seeing the same confusing disease but Passeronās family ā his entire village, in fact ā is dealing with addiction in addition to whatever illness is striking gay men. Yes, this is a novel. Keep telling yourself that. Out April 29.
If youāre up for a little romance this summer (and who isnāt?), then look for āPioneer Summer: A Novelā by Kateryna Sylvanova and Elena Malisova, translated by Anne O. Fisher (Abrams, $27). Itās the story of Yurka, a wild child whoās afraid his time at summer camp is about to be filled with boredom ā until he meets Volodya, whoās nothing at all like Yurka. Whatās that they say about how opposites attract? This book is said to have been banned in Russia, where the authors are TikTok āsensations.ā Out June 3.
So youāre the type who judges a book by its title. Then meet āEveryone Sux But You,ā a graphic novel by K. Wroten (Henry Holt, $27.99). Itās a tale of a girl who doesnāt give a, well, you know, about anything but mosh pits, dancing, and her BFF. The two have particularly bonded over a deep loss and that doesnāt help their dark outlook but sometimes, you have to see the bright side of life to really live. Out May 20.
MEMOIRS
Fans of Star Trek or of actor George Takei will absolutely want āIt Rhymes with Takeiā (Top Shelf Productions, $29.99). Itās a graphic memoir that tells Takeiās story, from childhood to adulthood, about being in the closet for most of his life, and how coming out at age 68 was such a revolution for him. But itās more than a biography; this book also helps readers understand what it was like to be gay for most of the 20th century and why itās important to know. Out June 10.
Hereās another must-have for TV watchers: āSo Gay for You: Friendship, Found Family, and the Show That Started It Allā by Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey (St. Martinās Press, $32). This is the story of two women, a show that might have bombed (hint: it didnāt), and the making of a beautiful friendship. If youāre a fan of āThe L Word,ā the other word youāll use with this book is L-ove. Out June 3
One more, for TV fans: āYet Here I Am: Lessons from a Black Manās Search for Homeā by Jonathan Capehart (Grand Central, $30) is a biography from the MSNBC host and member of the Washington Post editorial board. Itās Capehartās story of fitting in, finding his way to success, and standing with feet in two different worlds. Out May 20.
NONFICTION
If youāre already eyeballing the idea of eating al fresco, then you must read āDining Out: First Dates, Defiant Nights, and Last Call Disco Fries at Americaās Gay Restaurantsā by Erik Piepenburg (Grand Central, $30). Once upon a time, meeting new people wasnāt just done in bars or nightclubs. Piepenburg says that even a century ago, gay restaurants were great places to make new friends, find new loves, and have a good meal, too. This fascinating book takes you around the country and through the decades, and itās a fun, fun read. Out June 3.
And when times are bad and youāre feeling low, youāll want to pick up āGeneration Queer: Stories of Youth Organizers, Artists, and Educatorsā by Kimm Topping and Anshika Khullar (Lee & Low, $22.95). Itās full of inspiring stories of young people, teen leaders, under-30 folks who want to represent and make change. The short biographies in this book are quick to read and theyāll help you understand that the next generation is not about to let things slide backwards. Out May 27.
If these great books arenāt enough for you, be sure to talk to your favorite bookseller or librarian. There are lots of books out this spring and coming for summer, and youāre not going to want to miss them.
-
Movies2 days ago
Sexy small town secrets surface in twisty French āMisericordiaā
-
Federal Government3 days ago
Mass HHS layoffs include HIV/AIDS prevention, policy teams
-
Maryland4 days ago
At transgender visibility celebration, Moore called out for lack of action
-
Arts & Entertainment4 days ago
āThink of those who have not been seen,’ Cynthia Erivoās powerful message at GLAAD Awards