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Change of heart

Texas PFLAG mom shares journey of accepting her lesbian daughter

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Shari Johnson (left) with her daughter Cholene and husband James in Grenada for Choleneā€™s white coat ceremony at the start of her medical school program in January 2011. (Photo courtesy Johnson/Changing Lives Press)

Shari Johnson hasnā€™t thought much about Motherā€™s Day.

ā€œI really havenā€™t thought that far ahead,ā€ the long-time Odessa, Texas, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and conservative Evangelical Christian says by phone from her home. ā€œ[My children] pretty much call me if theyā€™re available but I try not to put a whole lot of that unrealized expectation into things. They have their own lives and their own spouses so itā€™s about them and thatā€™s how it should be and it works for us.ā€

Johnson might not be thinking much about being a mom this weekend but itā€™s a topic sheā€™s thought about intently in recent years. Her first book ā€œAbove All Things,ā€ published through her daughter Cholene Espinozaā€™s Changing Lives Press, comes out May 21 and tells of Johnsonā€™s nearly decade-long journey from the time Cholene came out to her by phone as a lesbian in July 2002, to Johnsonā€™s status now as a PFLAG mom (she started a chapter of the gay-affirming group in Odessa) who has retained her faith in the process (order the book here).

The book tells extensively of Johnsonā€™s (a former dental hygienist) rocky early life, her born-again experience in 1971 after two failed marriages, the black-and-white world view that developed out of years of going to Evangelical churches and the painful journey that came from not only accepting her daughter being gay, but the extensive ramifications it had on every aspect of her life.

Though her prayer had initially been that Cholene ā€” an overachiever pilot with years of Air Force and commercial flying under her belt whoā€™s now in medical school ā€” would ā€œbe deliveredā€ from homosexuality, Johnson now sees the experience as a catalyst for a radical adjustment to her faith and overall world view. She credits God with her change of heart and writes several times in the book of experiences where she feels the Lord was speaking to her.

ā€œI kept praying that God would change my daughter but Iā€™m the one who ended up being changed,ā€ Johnson writes. ā€œPrior to this time, I thought I had all the answers. Now Iā€™m not even sure that I understand the questions. I viewed life as being either black or white, there was no gray. I avoided anyone who didnā€™t think as I did. I was a ā€˜my-mind-is-made-up-donā€™t-confuse-me-with-the-factsā€™-type of person.ā€

But Johnsonā€™s views began to evolve as she realized her daughterā€™s 2004 marriage to White House correspondent Ellen Ratner was bringing an unfairly different reaction than it would have had she been marrying a man, the hypocrisy she says Christians often exhibit when talking of the supposed sin of homosexuality compared to most other sins (of which Johnson says they often given themselves a ā€œfree passā€), and the realization that nobody (especially a Christian) would choose a gay orientation for themselves. These epiphanies had life-changing effects on her.

After years of study and thought, Johnson believes centuries of anti-gay preaching in Christian churches of most varieties comes down to mistakes in scriptural interpretation.

ā€œIf we believe that homosexuality is not a choice, then we have to either believe that God is cruel to have played this terrible trick on people and not the loving God we think he is (and that would be a God I could not serve),ā€ she writes in the book. ā€œOr there has to be a mistake in interpreting the scriptures. I chose to believe the latter.ā€

Though initially highly skeptical, Johnson feels the Lord brought her to a place where she was able to consider that she may have been wrong before.

ā€œI always thought I had sought the will of God in my life before but I realize now what I had often been doing was going to him with my plan and then leaving before I got an answer,ā€ she says. ā€œIf people are truly seeking, and all Iā€™m asking people to do is consider that we could be wrong on the way some of these scriptures have been interpreted over the years, but when I finally got around to reading what some of these writers were saying ā€” and I avoided even reading this stuff for the longest time ā€” I realized I needed to start thinking for myself and not just keep blindly repeating what someone else had told me.ā€

Johnson credits the writings of Rev. Paula Jackson and her work ā€œWhat Does the Bible Say About Being Gay? ā€” Probably Not What Youā€™ve Been Told,ā€ with helping her expand her theological horizons. That Jackson didnā€™t write in a ā€œhistrionic, blasphemous, in-your-faceā€ manner that ā€œdidnā€™t disregard my point of view,ā€ resonated with Johnson.

ā€œShe just presented the facts and lets the reader come to his or her own conclusions,ā€ Johnson writes. ā€œThe entire study boils down to this one question: What if weā€™re wrong?ā€

Espinoza, who eventually hopes to work as a doctor with Ratner in South Sudan, says itā€™s important for gay Christians to follow the example of Christ rather than get sidelined in what she and her mother now feel is misconstrued anti-gay theology.

ā€œChrist did not have anything to say about homosexuality but he had a lot to say about love, honor and respect,ā€ she wrote in an e-mail to the Blade. ā€œIf we are loving, honorable and respectful in our relationships, I think that reduces a lot of the guilt and self loathing in our heads. We need to separate those who condemn us from the message of love and reconciliation, the message that Christ has brought to us.ā€

Johnson has become a staunch advocate for LGBT acceptance within Christian churches in the Odessa area. Itā€™s led to a thorny conundrum ā€” sheā€™s tried sharing her story, but often leaves Bible studies and church services feeling sheā€™s been merely placated. Sheā€™s at a point now where she canā€™t stomach anti-gay teaching from the pulpit and has left several churches in frustration. She says gay-welcoming churches in her part of the state are pretty much non-existent.

Johnson has lots of interesting opinions on trends in the modern church, especially with the anti-gay teaching that abounds in the Bible Belt.

She concedes there is a time, whether itā€™s in the political or religious realm, where itā€™s OK to respectfully agree to disagree.

ā€œThis whole idea of, ā€˜You have to see things my way,ā€™ thatā€™s never worked in politics, religion or anything else,” she says. “It never worked and it never will. But God gave me a big wake-up call and I would love for other people to not have to go through what I went through. Thatā€™s really why I wrote the book.ā€

She says itā€™s possible that churches with anti-gay teaching that seem to be thriving ā€” even those led by household-name preachers like Rick Warren and Joel Osteen ā€” might not be as blest as it appears.

ā€œYou canā€™t always assume that Godā€™s blessing a church just because of the numbers,ā€ she says. ā€œPeople go to church for all sorts of reasons. And when these men have been put on the spot on national television and asked about gay issues and the whole Christian community is sort of collectively holding its breath waiting to hear what they say, they give the accepted answer, but I doubt very seriously thatā€™s what theyā€™re preaching from the pulpit or what they really feel in their hearts.ā€

But could so many religious teachers have been so wrong for so many years on gay issues? Johnson says yes.

ā€œItā€™s happened since creation,ā€ she says. ā€œAnytime man gets involved, he manages to screw things up ā€¦ Anytime thereā€™s been a religious movement that gets started, itā€™s basically that personā€™s idea of who God is and what sin is. We tend to think we have all this figured out but you know what the Bible says about our own righteousness ā€” itā€™s like filthy rags to God.ā€

But how does someone ā€” especially a gay teen struggling with suicidal thoughts growing up in an Evangelical household ā€” know whom to listen to? Arenā€™t there well-meaning Christians who simply believe homosexuality isnā€™t part of Godā€™s plan?

Johnson says thatā€™s where her biggest concern lies ā€” she wants LGBT teens and young adults to have a chance to consider the possibility that their being gay isnā€™t the sinful curse many churches make it out to be. It’s the main reason she started her PFLAG chapter.

ā€œI donā€™t have an easy answer for this but we have to have a place for kids to go and hear a different message. Theyā€™re not exposed to it at home, they have no place to hear a positive message, theyā€™re in trouble and it has nothing to do with who they really are.ā€

With so many voices out there claiming to be spokesmen for God or claiming to have heard from God directly, Johnson admits absolute truth is “not always easy to discern.” She says she knows it’s God speaking when she feels compelled to go out of her comfort zone for the greater good.

ā€œI usually know that if itā€™s contrary to the way I think, itā€™s usually God,ā€ she says with a self-deprecating tone she uses often in the book. ā€œI tend to line up with the other guy more often in my own thinking. But I can tell if Iā€™m doing something for selfish reasons or whatever, itā€™s not of God. He does not let up. If itā€™s something I feel Iā€™m supposed to do ā€¦ Iā€™m usually thinking, ā€˜Donā€™t make me do this.ā€™ You have to learn to set aside the voice of past teaching, past thinking. ā€¦ For everyone itā€™s different, but I feel when itā€™s truly God speaking, itā€™s a different thing and you know it.ā€

 

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Transgender nonbinary sprinter Nikki Hiltz makes Team USA

ā€˜Woke up an Olympianā€™

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(Screenshot)

They ran like the wind, broke the tape at the finish line, and clutched their chest with the broadest smile on their face. Then Nikki Hiltz collapsed to the track, having set a new record in the 1,500-meter race at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials and earned a spot on Team USA.Ā 

As the realization sank in that they would be representing the U.S. in Paris as an out transgender nonbinary athlete, what the Paris-bound Olympian did next was to scribble a message of LGBTQ representation on the last day of Pride Month, writing with a red marker upon the glass of the camera that records each athleteā€™s signature on a whiteboard: 

ā€œI ā¤ļø the gays,ā€ they wrote, and above it, they signed their first name. 

Hiltz, 29, finished the race on Sunday at the University of Oregonā€™s Hayward Field in first-place with a final time of 3:55:33, breaking third-place finisher Elle St. Pierreā€™s 2021 record of 3:58:03. 

Hiltz credited St. Pierre, the top-finishing American and third-place finisher in the womenā€™s 1,500 at the Tokyo Olympics, with motivated them and the other competitors to race faster. With a first lap time of 61 seconds, St. Pierre led the race for the majority of its duration. St. Pierre and Emily Mackay, who placed second, also both earned spots in the Paris Olympics.

ā€œIf someone would have told me this morning that 3:56 doesnā€™t make the team, I donā€™t want to know that. Iā€™m just in the race to run it and race it and thatā€™s what I did,ā€ Hiltz said after the race. The Santa Cruz native who came out in 2021 as trans nonbinary told NBC Sports that the accomplishment is ā€œbigger than just me.ā€

ā€œI wanted to run this for my community,ā€ Hiltz said, ā€œAll of the LGBT folks, yeah, you guys brought me home that last hundred. I could just feel the love and support.ā€ 

On Monday, Hiltz reflected on the race and how they became an Olympian in a post on Instagram.

ā€œWoke up an Olympian. šŸ„¹ Yesterday afternoon in Eugene Oregon a childhood dream of mine came true. Iā€™m not sure when this will fully sink in ā€¦ All I know is today Iā€™m waking up just so grateful for my people, overwhelmed by all the love and support, and filled with joy that I get to race people I deeply love and respect around a track for a living. šŸ™ā€

Hiltz also shared a photo with their girlfriend, runner Emma Gee, and captioned it: ā€œRemember in Inside Out 2 when Joy says ā€œmaybe this is what happens when you grow up ā€¦ you feel less joyā€? Yeah I actually have no idea what sheā€™s talking about. šŸŽˆšŸŒˆšŸ¤ šŸ¦…šŸ„šŸ‡«šŸ‡·ā€

They shared photos in their new Team USA garb, too. 

While they will be the first out trans nonbinary member of the U.S. track and field team, Hiltz will not be the first nonbinary Olympian. That honor goes to Quinn, who played soccer for Canada in Tokyo and holds the record as the only nonbinary athlete to have won a gold medal. So far. 

Many of the posts by Hiltz, Team USA and others have been trolled by bigots and ignoramuses who have mistaken them for a trans woman who was presumed to be male at birth and transitioned genders. Right-wing outlets and anti-trans activist Riley Gaines have commented on their victory and questioned their gender identity and decision to compete against cisgender women. 

But in the spirit of the late Marsha P. Johnson, who famously said the ā€œPā€ stood for ā€œpay no mindā€ to the haters, Hiltz shared a photo of a handwritten motivational note to themself, which ends: ā€œI saw a quote online the other week that said, ā€˜respect everybody, fear nobody,ā€™ and thatā€™s exactly how Iā€™m going to approach this final. I can do this.ā€Ā 

And they did.Ā 

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Rehobothā€™s Purple Parrot still soaring after 25 years

Owners Hugh Fuller and Troy Roberts reflect on keys to their success

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Longtime Purple Parrot employee Chris Chandler. (Washington Blade photo by Daniel Truitt)

Two buildings, one romance, and 25 years later, the Purple Parrot is busy as ever. 

If the tropical purple paint covering the outside with rainbow flags and walls covered with love notes, affirmations, and drunk wishes scribbled on dollar bills don’t indicate it already, the Purple Parrot is an institution in Rehoboth. The gay-owned and operated fixture is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year.Ā 

The Blade sat down with owners Hugh Fuller and Troy Roberts of the Rehoboth establishment to discuss the past 25 years and plans for the future.Ā 

Fuller and Roberts, both gay, have been working together since before the Parrot was even an idea. Fuller was a co-owner of the Iguana, another restaurant and bar in the town. Ā 

ā€œI was in the Iguana first with another business partner,ā€ Fuller said. ā€œI was going to get out and move up to Pennsylvania with him [Roberts]. He decided that he was going to come down and said, ā€˜Well, what if I go in with you at the Iguana and we do it together?ā€™ And I was like, ā€˜Alright,ā€™ so we did, and it just snowballed from there. We were always in the restaurant business together from the beginning.ā€Ā 

ā€œYeah, that was really luck, too,ā€ Roberts began. ā€œBecause-ā€ 

ā€œBecause Grindr wasnā€™t around then!ā€ Fuller interjected, laughing as Roberts began to roll his eyes and smile.Ā 

ā€œI had a small place up in York,ā€ Roberts continued. ā€œSelling that kind of gave us some money to buy the other guy out. We just had friends supporting us and helping us along the way and it just kind of worked.ā€Ā 

ā€œKind of workedā€ would be an understatement. The pair moved on from the Iguana and opened the Parrot. Then, after opening the Parrot, they decided to shift locations to a larger location down the street to accommodate the growing demand. Then in 2010, the Parrot expanded again, adding the land behind the Rehoboth Avenue location, which provided an additional 950 square feet as well as giving patrons access to Wilmington Avenue. 

The bar and restaurant, which serves American cuisine with a beach flair, has always focused on being a welcoming space to all regardless of sexuality, gender, race, nationality, or identity. This, the duo explains, is one of the reasons why the restaurant has had such a lasting impact on the Rehoboth restaurant and gay communities.Ā 

The Purple Parrot (Washington Blade photo by Daniel Truitt)

ā€œBack in the ā€˜90s when we first opened up, the amount of straight crossdressers that would come were like, ā€˜Oh, are we allowed to come in? Are we welcomed into a place like that?ā€™ And we were like ā€˜Everybody that walks on this planet is welcome here!ā€™ā€ Fuller said. ā€œThose are the kinds of things, you know, where people just felt comfortable. They would get stared at out on the street, but inside they would walk around and feel like they were in their own skin. It was just really cool to see.ā€

The feeling of acceptance has been a crucial part of the Parrotā€™s success.

ā€œI got an email a couple of days ago ā€” probably two weeks ago about a woman bringing her daughter down,ā€ Roberts said. ā€œShe’s 16 and was bullied through school ā€” hard times, depression, tried to harm herself a couple of times. It was just really sweet that she reached out and she’s like, ā€˜My daughter was a completely different person when I brought her into your bar. Everybody treated her nice ā€” the bartenders, the waitstaff, I mean, everybody was friendly. She just doesn’t experience that often being an out 16-year-old lesbian. We just can’t even thank you enough.ā€™ It’s those kinds of things that we get often.ā€

ā€œ[The mother] mainly wrote it because we put the Pride flag on the Parrotā€™s Facebook wall,ā€ Fuller added. 

The colorful lights, disco balls, and staggering number of dollar bills stapled to the walls highlight that the Rehoboth community has embraced the Parrot. Itā€™s not uncommon to see a group of gay patrons sitting at the bar in bathing suits sipping on orange crushes and talking about their day at Poodle Beach while a bachelorette party belts out Lady Gaga on karaoke night in the room next door. That is the vibe Fuller and Roberts have curated ā€” a fun and friendly tropical oasis in the middle of Rehoboth Avenue.  

A crucial element of this curated vibe, the pair point out, is treating employees and guests with respect. When asked what they have learned that helped them be so successful over the past 25 years, Fuller and Roberts said the same thing.

ā€œPatience, organization, and treating people well,ā€ Roberts said.ā€ I think that’s probably one of the bigger of the three ā€” you treat them well and they treat you well. I think it’s just a mutual respect.ā€ 

 ā€œIt took me about 30 years to learn that it’s not just all about work,ā€ Fuller said. ā€œI used to bust my butt in there all the time and the focus was [on] the restaurant. I know [Roberts] said patience, I would say mine was being patient too because I learned going in that it’s easier to deal with your employees without shouting at them. It took me a little while to get through that.ā€ 

He added that compensating staff fairly was also one of their keys to success.Ā 

 ā€œBefore we take a nickel out of our business, we put $1 back into our employeesā€™ pockets,ā€ Fuller said. We want the business to survive and it has been incredible.ā€  

Fuller added that this sentiment, of having patience and treating everyone with respect, goes both ways ā€” it applies to the Parrotā€™s patrons as well. 

ā€œIf you leave the Parrot angry, it’s your own decision,ā€ Fuller explained. ā€œIf we don’t make you happy there, it’s because you’re choosing not to be happy. We will go out of our way to correct anything and everything that we can. So if you leave [unhappy], it’s not because we couldn’t do it. It’s because you didn’t want us to.ā€

The two discussed their history together ā€” anyone who has them interact can see their spirited energy and appreciation for each other. 

 ā€œTroy and I used to be a couple when we first opened, and we were together for about 10 years,ā€ Fuller said. ā€œAnd then we kind of went our separate ways, but the restaurant kept us in very close contact. Sometimes I think we’re probably closer than most couples are because of the way that the restaurant has us tied together.ā€ 

ā€œEven during the worst of it, we never stopped communicating on a daily basis,ā€ Roberts added. ā€œObviously, you can tell by his personality why that all went south,ā€ he said laughing. 

ā€œWell, you can tell by the way that he looks why it went south.ā€ Fuller jabbed back, also laughing.

ā€œHey!ā€ Roberts replied. 

ā€œI wasn’t gonna continue dating my grandfather!ā€ Fuller joked. 

Despite the end of their romantic relationship, there was still clear evidence of perpetual good energy between the business partners. The two then started to reminisce about the past 25 years and the struggles and successes they overcame to reach this milestone. 

The pair mentioned the two biggest struggles they have faced in the past quarter century. One was when Rehoboth Avenue was dug up for the Streetscape improvement project, and the second was the 2008 recession.Ā 

ā€œWe were refinancing our houses several times to keep it afloat there for a little while,ā€ Fuller said. 

ā€œBut hey, we got nice sidewalks now!ā€ Roberts added. ā€œSo that’s good.ā€

 Itā€™s not just the customers who grew up with the Parrot; so did the staff.

ā€œI mean one of the kids who bussed for us is now our dentist,ā€ Fuller said.

ā€œOne of the busboys from the Iguana days, he’s our dentist now,ā€ Roberts explained. ā€œThey actually started dating in high school while working together at the Iguana. One of them followed us to the Parrot and her daughter just worked for us two summers ago as a host. He’s our dentist, and they’re still local. We just sold him a house over in Lewes, because we’re both Realtors on the side. When you look back at that, you’re like, ā€˜Oh, my God, you were just a kid. And now you have a kid graduating college!ā€™ It goes fast.ā€Ā 

It seems that many of the staff have a soft spot for the Parrot, and for good reason. An important aspect of keeping their employees happy is supporting them. At first, it was trips to Disney World with some of the servers and renting out the local waterpark to give kids time to enjoy the summer. Then it became Christmas bonuses, which are not common in the food service industry.Ā 

The Parrot helped raise more than $10,000 for one of their employees dealing with fallout from the war in Ukraine.Ā 

ā€œOne of our bartenders being from Ukraine, when all that went down, amazingly, how he was able to bring a lot of his family over,ā€ Roberts said. ā€œAnd until they actually got grounded, he had places for them to stay all lined up.ā€

ā€œThe reason that he was able to get them over is because we did a fundraiser at the restaurant and our customers raised over $10,000 to help sponsor his family and one of our other employees’ families,ā€ Fuller said. ā€œThey brought them all the way up through Mexico and into the country and now they’re here with citizenship cards and working for us. We got them houses and apartments too.ā€ 

ā€œWe don’t care what they are, whether they’re straight, Black, Chinese, Mexican. It’s like the Benetton of Rehoboth in here,ā€ Fuller added. ā€œIt’s the United Nations. We support everybody and we’re not afraid to show our support for everybody.ā€

In addition to reminiscing about some of the good things the restaurant has done for its employees, they both talked about notable guests of the Parrot. 

ā€œMy mind went right to the guys from Manhattan, who would always come down,ā€ Roberts said when asked if any guests have stuck out to him over the past 25 years. ā€œThey just happened to find us. They had never been to Rehoboth before. They walked into the original Parrot and had every single year after that until two of them passed away. It just became like a yearly week, then it turned into two weeks, and then it turned into two times a year. And it was all just because they came to one bar, and had so much fun. They would sit there all day, all night, go home take a nap, and come back for dinner. And it was just their place.ā€ 

They have faced some objections from those who were not as receptive to their tolerance of different people.

ā€œWe get the same hate that everybody else does ā€” the same hate that the city got when they put the rainbow crossings in and the flag up,ā€ Fuller said. ā€œI was just telling Troy about a conversation I had yesterday with a guy. The front of our business for Pride month has flags on it and says ā€˜Happy Pride.ā€™ And he said, ā€˜I was going to come in here but I see you’re supporting the gay community with your rainbow flags.ā€™ And I said ā€˜Yes.ā€™ And he goes, ā€˜Well, I don’t see why you don’t have flags for veterans.ā€™ And I said,ā€™ Well, as a veteran, I can tell you that we don’t serve to be recognized, we serve to protect and to give you guys your freedom. It’s not something that we want recognition for. But there is a flag, the American flag, that flies over the top of our business every day to represent the veterans of this country.ā€™ā€ 

Despite the opinions of some who are less than welcoming of the LGBTQ community, the Purple Parrot will always be a safe space to celebrate, the two affirmed. And celebrate they will.Ā 

The Parrot already hosted one party to celebrate the milestone of the bar early in the summer, but will throw an even bigger bash at the end of the season to commemorate the history and hard work that has gone into making the Parrot ā€˜fly.ā€™

ā€œOn May fifth we had a big party,ā€ Fuller said. ā€œWe’ll have another one at the end of the summer in September. We did one at the beginning and then we’re going to do a really big one at the end of the summer. The first celebration, that weekend, turned out to be a little rainy, and misty so it wasn’t as big as it could have been. It was packed inside but it wasn’t packed outside like it normally is. We usually do a full cookout barbecue, all that stuff and we’ll do that again at the end of the summer. We’ll have another one of those with DJs. I am not sure about a drag show, but we’ll probably have something because the girls are trying to get something together. We don’t want to spoil anything but there will be a surprise.ā€  

When asked to give their final thoughts on owning and running one of Rehobothā€™s most successful businesses as gay men, the two made it clear that it has to be a safe and welcoming space for all for it to succeed. 

ā€œI think you have to be all-inclusive,ā€ Roberts said. ā€œI don’t think in today’s world you can just really limit it to the gay community. You have to be gay-friendly, and accepting as well. And I think that helps because it gets non-gays in there and everybody just starts to get along. It becomes more accepted and then becomes the norm.ā€ 

Fuller agreed but emphasized being true to oneā€™s character in collaboration with being inclusive is the key to their success.

ā€œBeing gay isn’t who we are, you know, it’s what we are,ā€ Fuller said. ā€œYou can’t be afraid to be you. ā€¦ If you’re going to open up a business, you want to make sure you lean on the community, because the community is going to be your biggest support. And that’s how we definitely lean on the gay community.ā€

The Purple Parrot is located at 134 Rehoboth Ave. in Rehoboth Beach and is open Monday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. and is open from 9 a.m. to 1 a.m. on Sundays. For more information, visit their website at ppgrill.com.

Purple Parrot (Washington Blade photo by Daniel Truitt)
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PHOTOS: New York City Pride Parade

Annual LGBTQ march held in Manhattan

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The 2024 New York City Pride Parade was held on June 30. (Washington Blade photo by Daniel Truitt)

The 2024 New York City Pride Parade wound through the streets of Manhattan and past the historic Stonewall Inn on Sunday, June 30.

(Washington Blade photos by Daniel Truitt)

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