Connect with us

Arts & Entertainment

The delights of being different

Two new parenting books explore the gay dynamic in families

Published

on

ā€˜Far From the Tree’ explores how parents can celebrate the differences between themselves and their children. (Photo courtesy Penguin Group)

Most parents love their children, yet accepting and being supportive of offspring who differ from you is one of life’s toughest challenges.

Two provocative and moving new books about parenting, difference and identity are just out: ā€œFar From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identityā€ by Andrew Solomon and ā€œOddly Normal: One Family’s Struggle to Help Their Teenage Son Come to Terms with His Sexualityā€ by John Schwartz.

Solomon, with his husband John is a parent, and Schwartz, who is straight, is the father of a 16-year-old gay son Joseph. The Blade talked with Schwartz by phone and interviewed Solomon before he spoke on Nov. 16 at Politics & Prose in Washington.

Schwartz, a national correspondent with The New York Times, and his wife Jeanne knew early on that their son Joseph was different from his older brother Sam. Joseph wanted nothing to do with Sam’s trucks. ā€œJoe went for the dolls,ā€ Schwartz writes. ā€œAs Jeanne recalled it, ā€˜Barbie never looked so fabulous.ā€™ā€

As time went on, John and Jeanne Schwartz felt it likely that Joseph was gay. John and Jeanne Schwartz, who’d met in 1975 at age 18 at the University of Texas in Austin, were fine with Joseph’s sexual orientation.

ā€œWe were comfortable with Joseph being gay,ā€ John Schwartz says. ā€œWe wanted to support him.ā€

Schwartz was happy when Joseph, then in the seventh grade, came out while they were eating sushi at dinner one night. Then, just as things seemed to be going well, there was trouble.Ā  Though he received support at home, the school wasn’t supportive of gay students, Schwartz says.

ā€œJoseph is a quirky guy,ā€ he says. ā€œBut the school put labels on him — from Asperger syndrome to depression. It wouldn’t acknowledge that being gay was a key way in which Joseph was different. We wanted the school to see Joe as a whole person. The schools in the New Jersey town where he lives are good. We’re happy with the teaching. But if these schools are good, what’s going on in other parts of the country?ā€

Angry at the way in which the boys talked about girls, Joseph taunted them. After the boys told the guidance counselor that Joseph’s taunts had made them uncomfortable, Joseph took an overdoes of pills. After hospitilization and months of therapy, Joseph recovered from his depression. Today, Joseph is involved in theater and other activities and finds support in his gay peers. His children’s story ā€œLeo, The Oddly Normal Boyā€ is a touching ending to ā€œOddly Normal.ā€

ā€œI thought parents were the obvious audience for the book,ā€ Schwartz says, ā€œbut it’s had a delightful resonance. A 72-year-old man e-mailed me that he’d just come out and told his wife that he’s gay.ā€

Being normal only gets you so far, Schwartz says. ā€œThe things that make you different … are the things that make you interesting.ā€

Solomon, 49, knew he was different even before he could conceptualize his sexuality.Ā  He was unpopular at school because he was so unlike the other boys.

ā€œI never traded a baseball card, but I did recount the plots of operas on the school bus,ā€ he writes.

Today, Solomon and his husband John and their children, are a loving family. John biologically fathered two children for some lesbian friends in Minneapolis while Solomon has a 5-year-old daughter with a friend he knew in college and a son who lives with them full time they had with a surrogate.

Solomon used to worry that it would be difficult for children born into such a different type of household.

ā€œBut people are born into households with parents who are cruel or born into terrible poverty. Or they’re born into a whole variety of other challenges,ā€ Solomon said, ā€œI would like to think…that our household is one in which there is a great deal of love and that it will carry the day.ā€

ā€œFar from the Treeā€ is a provocative study of difference and identity as well as an argument for acceptance of diversity. Solomon interviewed about 300 families who have raised offspring with differences from themselves. These parents had children who were deaf, dwarfs, autistic, schizophrenic, transgender, prodigies, had Down syndrome, were conceived in rape or became criminals.

There are vertical identities such as ethnicity, nationality or religiosity that are passed on from parents to their children, Solomon says. But there are horizontal identities such as being trans, gay or deaf that are usually not passed on from generation to generation, he says.

ā€œMany parents will love children with horizontal identities, but they’ll have trouble accepting them,ā€ Solomon says. ā€œThe tension between love and acceptance can be terrible.ā€

ā€œFar From the Treeā€ grew out of an article he wrote in 1994 for the New York Times magazine on deaf culture. ā€œWhen I began meeting deaf people, I was astonished by what a vital culture it was,ā€ Solomon says.Ā  ā€œI discovered that most deaf children were born to hearing parents, and that they frequently didn’t discover deaf culture until their adolescence.ā€

Solomon felt a connection between their stories and his story.

ā€œAs a gay person, it took me a long time to find my culture and all of it seemed so resonant,ā€ he says.

Advertisement
FUND LGBTQ JOURNALISM
SIGN UP FOR E-BLAST

Theater

ā€˜Bad Books’ a timely look at censorship in local library

Influencer vs. conservative parent in Round House production

Published

on

Holly Twyford (The Mother) and Kate Eastwood Norris (The Librarian) in ā€˜Bad Books’ at Round House Theatre. (Photo by Margot Schulman)

ā€˜Bad Books’
Through May 4
Round House Theatre
4545 East-West Highway
Bethesda, Md.
Tickets start at $43
Roundhousetheatre.org

While a library might seem an unlikely place for a heated contretemps, it’s exactly the spot where adults go when they’re itching to battle out what books minors might be allowed to read. 

In Sharyn Rothstein’s ā€œBad Books,ā€ two women, The Mother (out actor Holly Twyford) and The Librarian (Kate Eastwood Norris), swiftly become mired in a quarrel that comes with some weighty repercussions.Ā 

The Mother is a popular conservative influencer on a mission. She’s furious that the local library has overstepped its bounds and she blames The Librarian, a woman who adheres to the ā€œit takes a villageā€ method of child rearing and is dedicated to the young people who approach her reference desk. 

There’s some background. It seems The Librarian who dresses young (tight jackets and Doc Martens) and curses a blue streak, forged a friendship with Jeremy, a teenage library regular. 

While the details are a bit hazy, it seems the troubled Jeremy confided in The Librarian regarding some personal issues. In return, she suggested a helpful book – Boob Juice.

Unsurprisingly, based solely on its title, the book has thrown The Mother into a pique of outrage. After finding Boob Juice in her son’s bedroom, she made a beeline to the library; and not incidentally, The Mother hasn’t read the recommended work and has no plans to do so. 

Set in a suburb with lax gun laws, the story explores facets of division and conciliation. The Mother insists she isn’t so much about banning books as she is keeping some books away from young people until they’ve obtained parental approval. 

ā€œBad Booksā€ is performed in the round. Built on a rotating stage, Meghan Raham’s set is simple, pleasingly serviceable, and easily transforms from the library into a small corporate office, and later the assembly room of a church. Overhead floats a circular glass shelf filled with a cache of banned books. Things like a rolling book cart and a goldfish bowl add some flavor to the different locations. 

The Mother wasn’t always a popular conservative warrior with an enthusiastic horde of followers. 

Her past includes penning a book that later filled her with guilt and regret. She refers to that early questionable literary accomplishment as her bad book. And while over the years, she has persevered to find and destroy each and every printed copy, she hasn’t entirely succeeded.  

Norris plays three women who figure meaningfully into the arc of Twyford’s mother character. In addition to The Librarian, Norris is The Manager, a broadly played piece of comic relief, and The Editor, a warm woman who reveals things about Jeremy that his own mother never knew. 

Smartly staged by Ryan Rilette, the production is part of a National New Play Network Rolling World Premiere. While Rothstein’s script offers two strong roles (skillfully performed by celebrated actors Twyford and Norris), its ending feels too neatly resolved.  

In the past, Twyford and Norris have successfully joined forces for numerous DMV productions including Studio Theatre’s production of David Auburn’s two-hander ā€œSummer, 1976,ā€ the story of a longtime and unlikely friendship between two women who meet as young mothers during the Bicentennial summer. 

Though different, both The Librarian and The Mother share a strong and ultimately hopeful relationship with words.   

There’s a quote from E.B. White’s classic ā€œCharlotte’s Webā€ that pops up a couple of times in the briskly paced 80-minute play. Charlotte, the wise spider, says, ā€œwith just the right words you can change the world.ā€

Continue Reading

Books

ā€˜Pronoun Trouble’ reminds us that punctuation matters

ā€˜They’ has been a shape-shifter for more than 700 years

Published

on

(Book cover image courtesy of Avery)

ā€˜Pronoun Trouble’
By John McWhorter
c.2025, Avery
$28/240 pages

Punctuation matters.

It’s tempting to skip a period at the end of a sentence Tempting to overuse exclamation points!!! very tempting to MeSs with capital letters. Dont use apostrophes. Ask a question and ignore the proper punctuation commas or question marks because seriously who cares.Ā So guess what? Someone does,Ā punctuation really matters,Ā andĀ as you’ll see inĀ ā€œPronoun Troubleā€ by John McWhorter,Ā so do other parts of our language.

Conversation is an odd thing. It’s spontaneous, it ebbs and flows, and it’s often inferred. Take, for instance, if you talk about him. Chances are, everyone in the conversation knows who him is. Or he. That guy there.

That’s the handy part about pronouns. Says McWhorter, pronouns ā€œfunction as shorthandā€ for whomever we’re discussing or referring to. They’re ā€œpart of our hardwiring,ā€ they’re found in all languages, and they’ve been around for centuries.

And, yes, pronouns are fluid.

For example, there’s the first-person pronoun, I as in me and there we go again. The singular I solely affects what comes afterward. You say ā€œhe-she IS,ā€ and ā€œthey-you AREā€ but I am. From ā€œBlack English,ā€ I has also morphed into the perfectly acceptable Ima, shorthand for ā€œI am going to.ā€ Mind blown.

If you love Shakespeare, you may’ve noticed that he uses both thou and you in his plays. The former was once left to commoners and lower classes, while the latter was for people of high status or less formal situations. From you, we get y’all, yeet, ya, you-uns, and yinz. We also get ā€œyou guys,ā€ which may have nothing to do with guys.

We and us are warmer in tone because of the inclusion implied. She is often casually used to imply cars, boats, and – warmly or not – gay men, in certain settings. It ā€œlacks personhood,ā€ and to use it in reference to a human is ā€œbarbarity.ā€

And yes, though it can sometimes be confusing to modern speakers, the singular word ā€œtheyā€ has been a ā€œshape-shifterā€ for more than 700 years.

Your high school English teacher would be proud of you, if you pick up ā€œPronoun Trouble.ā€ Sadly, though, you might need her again to make sense of big parts of this book: What you’ll find here is a delightful romp through language, but it’s also very erudite.

Author John McWhorter invites readers along to conjugate verbs, and doing so will take you back to ancient literature, on a fascinating journey that’s perfect for word nerds and anyone who loves language. You’ll likely find a bit of controversy here or there on various entries, but you’ll also find humor and pop culture, an explanation for why zie never took off, and assurance that the whole flap over strictly-gendered pronouns is nothing but overblown protestation. Readers who have opinions will like that.

Still, if you just want the pronoun you want, a little between-the-lines looking is necessary here, so beware. ā€œPronoun Troubleā€ is perfect for linguists, writers, and those who love to play with words but for most readers, it’s a different kind of book, period.

The Blade may receive commissions from qualifying purchases made via this post.

Continue Reading

Calendar

Calendar: April 18-24

LGBTQ events in the days to come

Published

on

Friday, April 18

ā€œCenter Aging Friday Tea Timeā€ will be at 2 p.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ+ adults. Guests are encouraged to bring a beverage of choice. For more details, email [email protected].Ā 

Go Gay DC will host ā€œLGBTQ+ Community Social in the Cityā€ at 7 p.m. at Hotel Zena. This event is ideal for making new friends, professional networking, idea-sharing, and community building. This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.Ā 

Trans and Genderqueer Game Night will be at 6 p.m. at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. This will be a relaxing, laid-back evening of games and fun. All are welcome and there’ll be card and board games on hand. Feel free to bring your own games to share. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website.Ā 

Saturday, April 19

Go Gay DC will host ā€œLGBTQ+ Community Brunchā€ at 11 a.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ+ community, including Allies, together for delicious food and conversation. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

LGBTQ People of Color Support Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This peer support group is an outlet for LGBTQ People of Color to come together and talk about anything affecting them in a space that strives to be safe and judgement free. There are all sorts of activities like watching movies, poetry events, storytelling, and just hanging out with others. For more information and events for LGBTQ People of Color, visit thedccenter.org/poc or facebook.com/centerpoc.Ā 

ā€œSpark Sapphic Socialā€ will be at 8 p.m. at Spark Social House. This weekly sapphic social is an opportunity to mix and mingle with other sapphics in D.C.’s newest LGBTQ bar. This event is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.Ā 

ā€œDC Drag Brunch on Rooftop – Penthouse (Formerly at Lima Twist)ā€ will be at 12 p.m. at Baby Shank Rooftop. Hosted by Miss Capital Pride, this is the ultimate drag brunch experience in Washington, D.C., featuring the fiercest queens around. Prepare to be entertained by glamorous drag queens and celebrated celebrity impersonators, including Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, BeyoncĆ©, Britney Spears, Nicki Minaj, Ariana Grande, Whitney Houston, Cher and many more. Tickets cost $27 and are available on Eventbrite.Ā 

Sunday, April 20

Queer Crayon Club will host ā€œQueer Sketch Socialā€ at 3 p.m. at Sinners and Saints. This is a fun event for LGBTQ+ adults to come together and color. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.

Monday, April 21

ā€œCenter Aging Monday Coffee & Conversationā€ will be at 10 a.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ+ adults. Guests are encouraged to bring a beverage of choice. For more details, email [email protected].Ā 

Tuesday, April 22

Genderqueer DC will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This support group is for people who identify outside of the gender binary. Whether you’re bigender, agender, genderfluid, or just know that you’re not 100% cis – this is your group. For more details, visit www.genderqueerdc.org or Facebook.Ā 

Coming Out Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a peer-facilitated discussion group and a safe space to share experiences about coming out and discuss topics as it relates to doing so. For more details, visit the group’s Facebook.Ā 

Wednesday, April 23

Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely ā€œapplicantsā€ toward being ā€œcandidates.ā€ For more information, email [email protected] or visit thedccenter.org/careers.

Asexual and Aromantic Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom.Ā This is a space where people who are questioning this aspect of their identity or those who identify as asexual and/or aromantic can come together, share stories and experiences, and discuss various topics. For more details, email [email protected].Ā 

Thursday, April 24

Virtual Yoga with Sarah M. will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a free weekly class focusing on yoga, breath work, and meditation. For more details, visit the DC Center for the LGBT Community’s website.

DC Anti-Violence Project Open Meeting will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This meeting is open to anyone interested in learning more and getting involved in lessening violence both within and directed towards the LGBT communities. For more information, visit Facebook or Twitter.

Continue Reading
Advertisement
Advertisement

Sign Up for Weekly E-Blast

Follow Us @washblade

Advertisement

Popular